Great Friends are Hard to find-Friendship
I do not have a large circle of friends. There are just too few people, that I can trust. Why is that? What is trust anyway?
Trust as defined in the dictionary: As a verb...To have confidence or faith in. To allow without fear. To be confident about something. Expect and wish. As a noun...something (as property held by one party (the trustee) for the benefit of another (the beneficiary). Certainty based on past experience. The trait of believing in the honesty and reliability of others. A consortium of independent organization formed to limit competition by controlling the production and distribution of a product or service. Complete confidence in a person or plan etc. A trustful relationship.
Small Circle of Friends
When I say small, I mean small. I have only two female friends that I confide in, and am loyal to. The interesting thing is that my two friends are polar opposites to me. They are friendly, outgoing, and talkative. Where I am friendly in a conservative way, introverted, and quiet. However, everyone knows that your opinion of yourself is not always the opinion of others. I often wonder though if I am attracted to these two people just for the fact that their personalities are completely opposite of mine. My spouse is just like me. Very quiet natured, but friendly in a conservative way.
My introversion, I assume is what causes me to write. I have always had difficulty saying how I feel out loud. I have always been able to get my point across on paper. A possible reason that my friends stay loyal is because I listen attentively to them.
Back Stabbing and Discrediting
For some reason females are very competitive with each other. At least in my line of work, which is Nursing. A predominantly female oriented profession. It's very interesting to sit back and watch. Sometimes I pray that I am not the one who is on the outs today. Have you ever done that?
I don't care too much for drama. I know too many people who thrive on it. Do you know this type? The type whose every moment in life must be a drama. They must have drama in order to survive. Every little thing is a crisis. Then they say oh I wish that things would just go my way. I just want to tell them to shut up...life is what you make it. If you make it a crisis all the time that's what it's going to be. Then of course you would be the one on the outs that day. I try to fly under the radar. At least in public I do.
What is up with back stabbing? What purpose does it serve to say something mean about someone behind their back. If I think you're doing something that I don't like, I'll tell it to your face...nicely of course.
The ones who purposely try to discredit you are the scourge of the earth. Come on people. Does it make you feel better? You know the type, they ask you for your help then turn around, and ask someone else if you were correct. Why ask you for your opinion if you really didn't want it anyway?
I don't know about you but I generally don't ever help someone who tries to discredit someone. They don't deserve it. Something to learn about nurses. If you are ugly we will do as little as possible for you, as we will avoid your nasty attitude at all costs. There are just some people that if you give them an inch they take a mile. Oh I'll be nice to your face, but don't expect my 100%, and you know who you are.
Writing to Express Myself
I mostly write to get stuff off my chest. Validation in my line of work is really hard to come by. I write for me. I don't get paid (especially since google adsense disabled my account). I find validation in the fact that some people comment on my stories and they tell me that they enjoy them. I generally get a bit embarrassed by complements, somehow the relative anonymity of the people that I come into contact with online makes it easier to accept complements, at least sometimes.
The weird psychology of the whole online experience, goes back to the beginning of the story. Trust, how do you trust people you haven't even met? I suppose you can just shut people out with the click of your mouse online. You can't do that in real life. You can't get rid of a troublesome coworker with the click of your mouse, life's just not like that.