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I Survived Domestic Violence

Updated on March 21, 2016

I never saw myself as the kind of person to end up in a domestic violence relationship. I used to look at my friends abusive relationships and wonder how they could put up with it. Sometimes it is different when the situation is your own. I think that my abuser was a sociopath who knew how to make himself a permanent presence in my life, whether I wanted him to be or not. He was originally from Mexico, where machismo dominates the country. I don't think he understood that women were not property, and that women had voices of their own. He would often tell me that he was going to tell my mom on me. I felt like he saw me as his daughter and not his significant other.

Somehow this man managed to stay in my life for six years. I had to take a seizure medicine that canceled out any birth control methods that I could control myself. This resulted in five pregnancies. The first pregnancy he tricked me into getting pregnant in the most despicable way. I had no intention of even sleeping with him. He was just a rebound relationship and I wish I had never gone. I wish I had taken my first boyfriends advice and gone to his house instead. I can't take my decision back as much as I want to. There is absolutely nothing I can do to give myself or my children back the many years of confinement we all endured. I was not even allowed to go outside without his permission. If I took too long at the store he was calling me relentlessly. I had become a prisoner in my own household. He even cemented me as a prisoner when he got my car repossessed by his horrible bullying while I was on maternity leave.

He threw a temper tantrum about his truck payment and forced me to withdraw all my money from my account so he could make his payment on a certain date. I pleaded with him that my payment on my car was three months past due, and I needed to make a payment right away. He felt his truck payment was more important. I then lost the money when it was time to make mine. After I got out of the hospital they took my car. They absolutely did not care about my completely legit situation. Just like that it was gone, and I truly loved that car.

He knew that I never loved him, but it didn't seem to matter to him. In his mind it is up to him when it is over. I gave up so much of myself in this relationship. After I lost my car, I couldn't leave the house unless he took me somewhere. I rarely left, and I wasn't allowed to go outside unless he was there. He would constantly accuse me of cheating on him no matter what I did. I was terrified to cheat on him. That thought never even occurred to me because I knew he would freak out. It's not that I was loyal housemaid, I was genuinely "frightened". The things you do out of fear are extraordinary. You will find yourself doing the most out of character things just because you are "frightened".

He would yell at my children relentlessly. The screaming at all of us sometimes would last for hours. I remember running outside barefoot several times, because he would hide all the phones in the house. I would have a bloody lip and go and run to use emergency phone by the pool. This happened more than three times. I should say that if you have to do that more than once in your life then your life is going completely in the wrong direction. Running bloody, barefoot by the pool is no way to live your life. It should be a period of reevaluating the dimensions of your life, because if you don't think it is then you are a just a pawn. I was this mans pawn for several years and my children had to put up with abuse because this man who seemed so stupid, somehow micromanaged my life.

I am going to get it all back. Eventually he was deported to his own country for the abuse. The odd thing is that I didn't even know he was illegal. He lied to me about his citizenship all those years. All that time I put up with his abuse if I had just known he was illegal at the time I would have just called immigration. I felt so stupid. He had a social security car so I thought he was a legal citizen. I soon realized that when it comes to him, do not just look on the surface. Men of his caliber have "layers".

I guess the principle point of this is to be careful who you put your life's trust in. Be very picky about your choice in men because you don't have to date someone just because they say you do. Always be on guard to look for the warning signs, because most abusive men have them. It will be in their eyes, it will be in their hands, and it will be in their voice when they try to convince you that you are the problem. They will try to convince you that you deserved it. The reality is that nobody deserves that kind of life. Everyone is too good for that kind of bullying, it is just up to you to put the red light signals up so that everyone can see them and know you are not a victim.


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