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I Told My Wife I Wear Panties And She Hates It – What Now?

Updated on October 21, 2009
Esmerelda did not approve...
Esmerelda did not approve...

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, especially when it comes to relationship compatibility issues, and this applies to everyone and everything, not just men who wear women's clothes.

Before I start this article, I just want to say this: If you know that there is something about you which puts you outside the cultural norms of intimacy, for god's sake, tell your partner about it before you get married, okay? Seriously.

Of course, for some people this advice comes far too late. They are in established relationships with financial and family ties which are not easily nor painlessly broken, and they have revealed their love of lingerie to a partner who finds it either unbearable or a total turn off. They spun the wheel of surprise cross dressing acceptance and happened to come up a dud. It's not the end of the world.

These things happen. As much as I support men who wear lingerie and other items of women's clothing, every woman has the right to say what she does and does not find attractive. If she doesn't find panties on a man attractive, there isn't much you, or I, or anyone else can do to change her mind. And to be honest, it isn't fair to try to make her, or to guilt her. If you have an established relationship, then you had the chance to come clean with her many years ago and chose not to. There's a saying about making beds and lying in them and I'm afraid that's just part of being a grown up. Sometimes things don't turn out the way we would have wished them to and sometimes we make mistakes.

If you have lived for 30 years in the proverbial panty closet I think we both know you're not going to stop wearing women's clothing any time soon. So, honestly, I think it is best that you continue to wear womens things when your wife is not around. Most wives don't care if their husband indulges his little fancies as long as they are not shoved in her face. This is obviously far from an ideal situation, but if it is the situation you find yourself in, I say enjoy your private panty life and respect your wife's wishes. You have a life time built up together and that is more important than insisting she suddenly come to terms and be joyfully accepting of the fact that the love of her life has turned out to be a cross dresser.

Fortunately for men who wear women's clothing, clothing is something that can be utterly and thoroughly enjoyed in privacy. Don't feel guilty or ashamed, just pursue your happiness in a sensitive and practical fashion.

A Caveat:

Don't lie to her and say that you're not doing it anymore when you are. Just tell her that you won't do it around her. That ought to be enough. If she doesn't want to talk about it, don't force her to. Most women who find the idea of their husband in women's clothing unattractive simply don't like to think about it. If she wants to stick her head in the sound and pretend lingerie doesn't exist in men's sizes, then let her.


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      silklover 8 years ago

      I must be a lucky one, my wife likes me wearing women panties. If a woman can't accept what a man likes wearing, what other problems is there. I have often wondered this. Marriage should be open minded, not broken because of what a man likes. I wear women panties 24/7.

    • profile image

      iwhcpanties 8 years ago

      You’re absolutely right Ms Hope. My wife and I now know what it is like to have something intimate like this kept secret then years latter for it to brought to light. She knows now that I like to wear panties. She did not know until recently after I finally told her (we have been married for 32 years now). She is not comfortable with it, but she at least knows now and as I have explained to her that I just like to be comfortable, and not sure if I will ever quit. I still keep it private/secret if you will and not the “in your face thing”. She has accepted the fact but still she is not to keen on it. I think she is getting more at ease with it though because a few weeks ago I had purchased a few packs of the Fruit of the Loom Hi-cut panties (cotton with colors and prints) and thought I had put them away, but she found them. She come up to me and smile and said, “So you bought me some undys”. I had realized they were not put away and just smile and said, sure, I’ll share and that is exactly what she did. She opens them and wears them too. I think the key with me is, not to be over bearing with it, or not sensitive to the issue for her and keep it as I have for all these years, a private/secret issue and let her be the one to question and talk about it. I don’t want to be like most and say “well I am going to no matter what!” I love my wife and she is my life, we love each other very much and have been through so much in our lives together. I also know she doesn’t feel as if she has not been a good wife and is not threaten by the issue, or feel I am gay or a cross dresser or some pervert etc as I have learned through some of these formats many wife’s will feel after something like this has been dumped on them. She knows it is a simple issue of comfort and desire. Oh, she also knows I leave the really sexy frilly stuff for her to wear! I love my wife and she knows I still think she is as beautiful and sexy as the first day I met her! I tell her all the time and I mean it! My heart burns for her with a continual passion not a occasional lust for the moment. Again thanks Ms Hope for the insight and wisdom you put into writing these hubs. I hope as others deal with issues as this they will be very caring to their spouse because as we know; it is two in a relationship, not one, but are to strive to become one. Thanks.

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      Really Mother Hubber? That's very interesting, I can't imagine being crazy about a man and leaving him over what he wanted to wear. I'm not judging you at all here, I am genuinely curious. What was it about his wearing of lingerie that you found unacceptable in your life?

    • MotherHubber profile image

      MotherHubber 8 years ago from Southern California

      LMAO! I liked the tone of this hub. I'm a live and let live kind of gal, but there are things outside the "accepted norms" that I do understand, and then there are some things that I do not. This one falls into the latter category. Had an ex boyfriend who liked to wear my lingerie, and though I was crazy about him, it was a dealbreaker. I did appreciate his honesty, though. This is not something I would have wanted to discover one night coming home early from a PTA meeting! LMAO!

    • profile image

      Zeta 8 years ago

      More good advice, Hope; thank you.

      My wife seems totally comfortable with my fashion choice. I didn't indulge in overdressing until after I retired.

      I suspect her acceptance of my underdressing was partly due to the appreciation and admiration I expressed for her lingerie and her in it. I was always happy to buy her more.

    • kfsteve391 profile image

      kfsteve391 8 years ago from Mesa, Arizona

      Fortunately, for me my wife does not care either way if I wear thongs and panties. To her they are "just underwear". She is not accepting with my strappy high heel sandals. Have been wearing them for three months. I wear them when she is not at home or I am in another part of the house. It will take some time for her to come around.

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      Well there's yer problem :D

    • Misha profile image

      Misha 8 years ago from DC Area

      I didn't Hope, I didn't :)

      But heck, why should I, I don't wear them anyway :)