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I am not gay

Updated on May 24, 2012

I am not gay and yet I find myself surrounded by many same sex couples. I have many gay and lesbian friends, and yet I find myself in a relationship with one of the worst religious homophobes on the planet.

I would love to tell you that my openness and acceptance towards the gay community is a product of my upbringing, but that would be a lie. I can’t honestly pinpoint where my open mindedness towards others sexuality came from, but I'm willing to take a stab at it here.

Looking back at my childhood I was always a bit on the strange side. I was continuously tortured and tormented by other kids my age for not acting like them and not fitting in. I learned firsthand what it felt like to be hated for being different. Even from a young age I never have been able to wrap my mind around this type of hate or any hate, for that matter. Is it the fear of the unknown or the lack of understanding that makes people poses this type of hate? Perhaps it’s their own insecurities of turning out different and then in turn being ridiculed by others that makes them that way. Whatever the reason does not matter. What does matter is the fact that it helped me to be more excepting of others and for that I am truly grateful.

When someone says that they dislike gays I have to ask why? I have asked that question a dozen times and the answer has always been the same. I don't know? I just do! How does one end up hating such a large portion of the population without ever knowing why? The truth is that, deep down, inside everyone knows why they hate something or someone, even if they won't admit it to anyone, including themselves.

Throughout the years, I have come to notice two common threads among the haters of the gay community. The first is that these "haters" all have parents who believe this way, and they have instilled these beliefs in their children as they were growing up. The second is that they come from a very strong church upbringing and belief system. Unlike my gay friends who were born this way and knew it from a very young age without anyone having to tell them. No human being is born hating anyone. Prejudice, hate and brain washing must all be taught over time.

I can't help but be teleported back to my tortured youth every time I come into contact with haters of the gay community. I always feel the need to defend and fight for every individual’s right to happiness as if it somehow were my very own. What gives anyone the right to take that away from another human being? I always stop myself, however, when I start to feel the anger starting to well up inside me. If it's true that hate breeds, then I will not allow them to take me to that place, for I am better than that. I am better than them! I believe that the Creator that gave us life loves all of us equally and unconditionally. I know this in my heart because I have also given life. I love all my children equally and unconditionally no matter who they have chosen to share their lives with.

I have sadly been witness to some pretty vicious and ignorant comments towards the gay community over the years. I can honestly say that some of the worst came while Chaz Bono was doing dancing with the stars. This poor human being was not asking anyone to have sex with him, pay his bills or pay for his surgery. He was simply asking to be respected and allowed his happiness in life. The way that people were acting, however,you would have sworn that he was asking them to give up a kidney! When did someone’s sexuality become the deciding factor as to whether we like or dislike them? If at some point we like someone do we have to end up hating them if they don't act and behave the way we think that they should? Did we all suddenly forget how much we loved chastity when she was that adorable little girl that acted the way we wanted her too? Much has changed on the outside since then but inside, I can assure you that his soul sparkles bright, if not brighter today than that little girl, because now her inside and his outside can mirror and reflect each other.

I feel that sex is a personal and private thing. Something that only needs to be shared by the two adults engaging in it. I give thanks daily that I have never had to stand before friends, family or the American viewing public and proclaim that I am gay, straight or otherwise. I am grateful that I have never had to hide my sexual orientation in order to avoid judgment or fit in. Why should this matter to anyone? What new and wonderful insight will you get by learning such information?

Throughout a large portion of American history, African- Americans have claimed to have received most of the prejudice and hate. Since voting in a black president I feel that it has helped take some of the edge off of the black community, and it has somehow been transferred over to the gay one. My wish for the future is that we all become more tolerant and accepting of each others appearances and lifestyles choices.

I hope that in doing so I will have the honor of being able to witness in my lifetime the first gay president in the white house. Maybe if we’re lucky enough perhaps even Ellen DeGeneres will do us the honor of running for that title. I would gladly place my vote. You have to admit that The White House would always look wonderful, and Portia de Rossi would make a beautiful first lady!


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    • Maddambutterfly profile image

      Marie V Stephens 5 years ago from New Mexico

      jlpark, thanks for stopping by, taking the time to read and comment!

      What is that old saying about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer? I figure that if I stay in a relationship long enough with Mr. Homophobe, I might be able to open his mind to new possibilities?

      We can only hope ;)

    • jlpark profile image

      Jacqui 5 years ago from New Zealand

      Interesting topic. I find it heartening that even when in a relationship with a homophobe you are not afraid to speak your mind. Sure, the world is becoming more accepting, but with acceptance and visibility come opposing opinions, and unfortunately, some of those who hold those opinions are incapable of expressing this without violence. It is both a loving, and dangerous place for those of us whose sexuality differs from the norm.

      We are lucky to have you!

    • Maddambutterfly profile image

      Marie V Stephens 5 years ago from New Mexico

      Thank you girishpuri!

    • girishpuri profile image

      Girish puri 5 years ago from NCR , INDIA

      Facts are facts and you dare to speak, i like this creation, keep writing

    • Maddambutterfly profile image

      Marie V Stephens 6 years ago from New Mexico

      thanks so much for the comment! I think that anyone can hate. It takes a stronger human being to except our differences!

    • eternals3ptember profile image

      Col. Duke LaCross (...Okay, maybe I lied) 6 years ago from Sherman Oaks (Not the Nice Part, Unfortunantly)

      A great, concise hub. I too have many friends who face adversity as a result of their sexuality, and it's a pleasant change to see acceptance instead of hate.