ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I love him but I want to leave him

Updated on August 1, 2016

Love is hard especially when you start with a "broken family"

Now and days it seems that there is a stigma between three types of relationships; the church go'ers and marriage followers, the single independent lovers or the "failed relationship" get together's. I'm personally a part of "numero" 3. I have a daughter of my own with a partner who was extremely abusive so naturally I ended up solo.

Two and a half years later I met a "great" guy who had a son the same age as my daughter. I want to say for the first two years everything was perfect. We ended up having a son of our own after the third year of our relationship. Of course I was thinking "we should get married" I mean he was perfect and we now had a son together, we are no where near being perfect but were perfect for each other right? Well, things are not that simple, when I brought up the whole "marriage thing" my partner basically shut me down saying that was his choice to make not mine and I needed to not talk about it. I was shocked. Quite frankly I didn't understand.

After a long night of thinking I began to despise the thought of marriage. Why is it something I even wanted? Why is it the MANS choice? Why after seeing my own parents broken, abusive marriage did I want to take any part of something so bad? Why did I want to change my last name, cook him dinner, wash his clothes, have his kids, why in the world did I want any part in that??? I despise the thought of marriage now. Time has past and a new issue has come forth. If were not planning on marrying and having a future together than why stay together? Yes, we have a child now but we are best by ourselves though right? I mean, if we did not see this future in each other than why deprive the other of possibly seeing it with someone else?

My feelings towards marriage has sincerely changed and I no longer want any part in it after thinking things though. My partner now tells me he never said he didn't want to get married only that he simply wasn't ready. Well, now I am no longer "ready". Now I no longer want anything to do with a "commitment" who's to say we wouldn't just divorce anyway! I personally want nothing to do with anyone after this relationship if it does end but I also don't want to keep him form true love. I don't know If I should stay or go. I am in love with him but I feel like my mindset is is not healthy for him or I. I'd much better be single and raising my children alone. Maybe one day he will find a girl and fall in love and propose the next day?! That girl is not me and I am not the marriage type, which he deserves. I love him but I want to leave him.


© 2016 LostSoul77


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)