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If I’m So Gay, Why Am I Not Having Brunch More?

Updated on July 22, 2010


I have to admit that I’m all for some of the gay stereotypes. That’s right, I don’t want to give up our reputations for having a sort of panache that the straightees only dream about, I want to be known for being the disposable income people (even if I’ve never had it) and I want a lot more of the pithy things that people used to associate with gays before the secret came out that we gays are really no different than the straightees in many cases. BORING! Recently I wrote a blog about how my new guilty pleasure is watching the Logo Network for us gays. I have to admit that the acting in the “gay” movies is awful and that goes for the “gay” series as well but a recent weekend of watching the soap Noah’s Arc and The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life Of Ethan Green on Logo and I started to get very depressed. If I’m so gay, why am I not having brunch more? – Don’t Get Me Started!

When I was young I thought that all gays were destined for a life of cocktail, dinner and brunch parties. I really didn’t think about orgies (much to the surprise I’m sure of some of my fellow gays)I thought of all the very Noel Coward type events I would be going to when I became a mature gay man. I longed for it. I wanted to discuss gay cinema (for it was too too to be called simply “movies” at least in my mind) and I wanted to stand around trading clever repartee until I had a stitch in my well toned side. I’m still waiting.

I went to a dinner party, that’s right A dinner party ONCE when I was directing for Virginia Opera. It was being held by one of the gayest and biggest executives at the Opera. So I duded myself up and I went. When I got there I immediately felt something in the air. The stench of a lot of cologne on a lot of men with dyed hair and sucked in cheeks (yes, both sets) looking down their noses at one another and especially anyone who had just walked into the room. There was an anemic looking boy who couldn’t have been more than eighteen who was “manning” the bar without a shirt on. He should have had the shirt on as he was nothing to look at with it off but it didn’t stop the men from ogling him and cooing over him as if he was the hottest thing ever. I tried to start a conversation with a few of them but to no avail. As I was the youngest one next to the bartender at this party it made me more of a target than the life of the party. I would find myself staring at their toupees while they stared at my crotch and the whole evening just made me feel as though I couldn’t shower enough when I finally excused myself after the fruit compote. Thus killed my visions of the Noel Coward gay dinner gatherings that I felt life owed me as a gay man.

But when I watch these movies and series on Logo everyone is always having everyone else over for dinner and absolutely meeting up for brunch every Sunday. My spouse of what will be twenty-two years soon and I have dinner with my parents every Sunday. (After all, I’m a good Jewish boy!) We have more straight friends than we have gay friends and to be honest with you, my one attempt to go to a gay event to try and build up (or even start) a gay roster of friends here in Vegas was a disaster. There I was with a bunch of twenty-somethings who only wanted to talk about the gym and how much they loved going to the gym. Ugh. What’s next? Talk of football and basketball trades instead of talk of gay trade?

Look, I’m a forty-something gay man is it so wrong of me to want to have friends who live here who meet for brunch? Where do I find these people who want to chat and chew instead of have sex and starve? When I’m in LA with my pals there I admit there are dinner parties and brunches but not living there all the time always makes me feel like the country gay among the city gays. I don’t know who anyone is talking about (as they only use everyone’s first name unless they’re trying to impress you because it’s someone on a television show which usually leaves me with a quizzical expression on my face because I don’t know who’s starring in the latest USA movie nor do I really care). So what’s a gay to do? I know how to gesture with a mimosa in my hand, I know which fork to use, I’m all gayed up with no place to go and I’m not amused. If I’m so gay, why am I not having brunch more? – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • profile image

      kkalmes 7 years ago

      Hello SLIscott, you are always a hoot to read and visit and I would definitely do brunch with you if I ever visit LV because I love brunch, but I am not gay and have no gay friends that I know about, but then I have no friends.

      Thumps up and funny, my friend...

    • gqgirl profile image

      Sabrae 7 years ago from Georgia

      Of course being only 27 I'm not familiar with older gay men. I'm use to my gay guy friends just being flamboyant. LOL And there is nothing wrong with that. I've never had the ideal in my head that gay men did brunch or what you described :) Hang in there, maybe if you ask your straight friends like Paradise7 suggested they would do brunch with you :)

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York

      I'll have to call up the trans-gender fairy, spin around three times in a circle, transform myself into a gay man, and come to LA and do a Noel Coward brunch with you. It'll be fun!

      Maybe some of your straight friends would like to do brunch with you. You never know.

      I think, at least in our conservative little area here, brunch went out altogether, right along with quiche. I don't know why. Me, personally? I like both brunch and quiche. Don't get me started!