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I'm Not a Lesbian My Girlfriend Is

Updated on January 25, 2011

A Funny And True Statement

"I'm Not Gay My Girlfriend Is." I could not love this statement more. When I first heard it- it actually came from a 'straight' man who was involved with a gay male friend of mine. He said, "I'm not gay my boyfriend is." I laughed so hard and never forgot it. That was is 1997. That relationship sadly did not work out. The man's lack of 'gayness' combined with his lack of honesty really got in the way and it ended badly.

If you stop to really think about "I'm not gay my girlfriend is" or "I'm not gay my boyfriend is" both statements are quite profound. They sound redundant but they are not. It is honestly amazing how true and frequent they occur. If you stop to add in straight men saying that about their girlfriends the range just widens more and more. How many people are involved with sexually flexible people?

How many people want to be sexually flexible and think their partner will hold it against them?

Who Floats Your Boat

The prompt for this Hub is the amount of gay women I know dating 'straight' woman. I find it hysterical when they are talking and someone says, "Oh her girlfriend is straight." The first reaction is usually the obvious, how can she be straight if she is dating a girl? Oddly enough, she can. I realized a long time ago just because you are dating a woman or in love with a woman it does not mean you are gay (labels are another topic). We are all humans. This means, to me, we have a physical body which holds our soul, our essence, our being. We 'are' without our bodies. It is that essence that we fall in love with. The body is transient. We grow old, fat and get wrinkled. Do you stop loving someone for that? No, you don't that is love.

Think about it how many times do you say, " I don't know what it is he/she just has something, a spark." That spark that light comes from within not without. Don't get me wrong good looks go a long way. Believe me beauty is beauty and we all love to look at it, touch it and be around it. Three cheers for beauty. The question arises what is beautiful to one is not always beautiful to another and that my friends is the beauty of that.

Sex, now here is another story. If we, as humans, allowed ourselves to be really open and not influenced by society, this would be very easy. I would argue that many people would be sexually flexible. Our concern (rightfully so) with what other people think plays a huge factor in our sexual actions. For those who can be flexible really get the best of both worlds. However, the caveat is that they, also, get the drama from both worlds, the stress form both worlds and double testosterone or a double dose of PMS.

How much of what we like is the 'thought' of something. How that something makes us feel. The danger, the chase, the forbidden, the kink, the fantasy. This coupled with the "spark" is key in "getting your boat floated." This can happen with any gender.

There was a great TV show, Nip Tuck. The infamous Dr. Christian Troy (a true beauty) and his girlfriend Kimber (also beautiful) both had a highly charges sex drive. Dr. Troy was not too happy with Kimber seeing other men so they has an arrangement, threesomes with only females. Dr. Troy got his fix of beautiful woman while Kimber, not gay but flexible, was able to be satisfied by both her hot boyfriend and a hot girlfriend. Yet, at one point the two ladies became quite close leaving Dr. Troy to feel a bit left out. There in lays the big problem with woman, their ability to bond in friendship. Female relations ships can be very powerful to to that bonding. Dr. Troy could have easily said "I'm not gay my girlfriend is."

Sometimes as you can see flexible relationships can happen out of necessity. As in the above example is actually saved their relationship, for a while. Others can happen out of "ooooops too much to drink." Or sometimes someone does just float your boat and there is simply no explanation. It is what it is and be fore you know it either you are your partner may be saying, "I'm not gay he/she is."

Boys Boys Boys. Now Boy's they are a tougher nut (hehe) to crack in the "flexible field." I would say the group with the least amount of "I'm not gay but" are the women with their men. Now this is NOT to say there are not tons of gay men masquerading around as straight men but these are not the group I am talking about. I am talking about couple where the man is bi-sexual and the women are not. I would argue the least popular threesome is the man, man woman.  You see, men still love to look at woman have sex and I can assure you that most women do not have the same love affair with looking at men having sex with other men.  Yet, in the case I spoke of in the beginning my male friend did date a straight man for a few years on and off.  I would say that the man was so straight that his flexibility was very tight.  He was barely able to cross the line and did tend to lead my friend on.  Consequently my friend really had his heart broken.  If this man had been honest I would give him kudos for trying.

It Can Be Love

I know of a very powerful and amazing true story of two woman whose love lasted probably from before their lives on this earth, during their lives on this Earth and now continues through the "veil" of the "other side" as one has passed away. Two woman one of which was as gay as gay can be and the other simply not gay. They were very close decades ago. In Spite of the one girl "not' being gay she could not explain her attraction to this other woman. She used to describe her as loving her in spite if her being a girl. In fact, she told me many times it was hard to get passed her "femaleness" but her attraction and connection to her was so incredibly strong that she did get past it but not without difficulty.

They were like to peas in a pod and formed a loving bonding friendship as young women. Alas, their relationship did end due to the fact, "I'm not gay my girlfriend is." The gay woman walked out on her straight love knowing that it would never last. But, loved her always. Decades past and the two became friends again. Immediately their connection re-ignited and there they were again. All the feelings were back of love and friendship. Everything was the same except one was married to a man (and had never been with an other woman) as predicted and the other still gay. They realized how their bond could never be broken but respected each other's life paths and stayed unique friends. Unfortunately, the gay woman passed away shortly after their renewed friendship but she died knowing she had reconnected to her one true love. One of the last communications she had before she died was in a text, "I am grateful to my forever straight love." This story will always make me cry. Love beyond gender and time.

Not For Everyone

Most of us will go through life and never hear or say the words "I'm not gay but my girlfriend/boyfriend is." A whole lot of people will whether they admit it or not, many may not even know that they have had the opportunity to say it, and many may wish they could.

Life is interesting when it comes to looking at the sexual habits of human beings. What and who influences them and why. I love to peer through the looking glass and will continue to do so.

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    • profile image


      6 years ago

      If a gay man sleeps or falls inlove with one woman, after that keeps on having sex and/or relationships with men he is not labeled as bisexual the same for a lesbian but if a straight man or woman does so they are seen as bisexual.

      That is not correct. Bisexual means sexual attraction with both sexs and that is not exactly what happens when a straight person falls inlove with someone their same sex, where is love? Is there not a word for it?

      Sex comes after, you love soneone and then you have sex together as you said looks and gender in this case comes after...

      Why does society need to label everyone?

      For security. People need to feel safe in their partnerships and life they do not want to think it can happen to them... Well sorry, it can happen to everyone.

      It is true that bonding between to women (one straight one bi or gay) it's easier than between men in the same way...

      In my opinion one of the two women at least needs to be gay or bi.

      Gay people tend to see everyone who has a same sex affair as one of them, well respectfully I don't think so.

      Love, bonding and attraction goes beyond ourselves that the beauty of mankind.

    • Scarlett Black profile imageAUTHOR

      Scarlett Black 

      7 years ago from New York

      Agreed. The need for a label often does make society feel better but often, also, makes the person who is under going gay or bi-sexual feelings feel better by filling their the need to fit in and feel there is a place for him or her. However, the reality is that labels actually do not apply very often. Several "gay" women I know have slept with men and find them appealing albeit not in every way. Some I know can't stand men at all. I, also, know a few "gay" men who have slept with women and had relationships with them but prefer men. Then, what about the craze of women who have been married for years and truly enjoyed their male relationships but in later life find that the intimacy mentally and physically of a woman is what then fulfills them. They find that woman and live happily ever after. Bi-sexual, probably, yet they never lived an active bisexual life? I hear it all the time. She went gay. I laugh, really? I will always maintain "You never know who floats your boat." Many people are just too scared to explore that.

    • Kannibalc profile image


      7 years ago

      I believe that is why people use the term bisexual. If you are sexually attracted to men and women you would fall under that term not "gay" because that is not what that term is used for. In my personal opinion, I believe people are attracted to people so I back up your argument about society's reaction hindering people being open about their personal preferences when it comes to orientation especially since when it is made public it is often at the forefront of peoples' minds when they interact with you.

      However, I would also be capable of getting into a debate about the need to label what so ever due to the psychology and need for comfort and to fit in that backs the drive for the general population to do so.

    • ravenblueu profile image


      7 years ago from Somewhere Tropical

      I used to have a girl, and people will always ask who is the gay one. I often find that question confusing because both of us are just girls. Plain girls. So we answer neither. Maybe we could have answered both. Haha.

    • Scarlett Black profile imageAUTHOR

      Scarlett Black 

      8 years ago from New York

      Thehands true! Carolina muscle thanks!

    • carolina muscle profile image

      carolina muscle 

      8 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      I never really got it until your post. Thanks!!!

    • thehands profile image

      Jorge Vamos 

      8 years ago

      I don't really think most people are 100% straight or gay, anyway, so it's definitely possible to be gay or straight and fall for someone of the "wrong" gender. I've seen it.

    • Scarlett Black profile imageAUTHOR

      Scarlett Black 

      8 years ago from New York

      I am glad you enjoyed it. And yes hilarious I still smile at the title, funny.

    • K9keystrokes profile image

      India Arnold 

      8 years ago from Northern, California

      "I'm not gay, my girlfriend is!" My girlfriend would find this hilarious!

      Great hub. Good information. And I found many things that make even a gay girl stop and think.

      Thanks for the read!


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