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I'm Probably Going To Be Single Forever and That's Okay
Recently, I decided to end an on-again-off-again relationship with my ex. We dated for eight years and I realize something about myself during that time period.
Relationships are immensely hard. They require me to be a certain way or adapt to certain situations in order to be happy.
Over the course of my twenty-two year life, I have dated five men and fornicated with five men. Each relationship ended on good terms, but for some reason, it doesn't feel as if they ended on good terms.
Each time a relationship ended, it was because the guy or myself wanted something that the other couldn't provide (i.e. monogamy or a sense of adventure).
However, these failed relationships haven't stopped me from wanting to pursue another relationship. In those relationships, I didn't know what I wanted and because I didn't know what I wanted, I was attracting guys who didn't know what they wanted.
After analyzing this, I decided to prepare a list of reasons why being single is probably the best route for me.
Hope this will be helpful to some people who haven't been lucky in love.
1. My standards are too high
According to society, romantic relationships involves two people being open to the idea of having multiple partners. If two people can't agree on this, then the relationship is due to fail.
I have a problem with this because I am a one-man type of woman. I don't believe in cheating. Yes, I have cheated and have been cheated on, but that doesn't mean I agree with it.
I will not date a man who is into threesomes and foursomes or whatever number. I want to know that I am the only woman he wants to be with.
Obviously, I won't be able to fulfill all of his desires and he won't be able to do the same for me. But, I hope the two of us will love each other enough to try to be all that we can be for one another.
If he decides that I am not enough for him and he wants someone else, he is free to leave. I am not the type of woman who's going to keep him pursuing his dreams.
He just needs to know that I will not tolerate sharing him with another woman (or women). He will not have to share me with other men.
2. Simplicity is my third language
All I want from a guy is for him to love me and I will love him in return (flaws and all).
To me, love is all about simplicity. The simple things are phone calls in the middle of the night because he wants to hear my voice, morning and night texts, hugging me from behind, whispering sweet nothings in my ear and wanting to be around only me no matter what he's doing or who he's with.
At one point in time, I had all of this. But it was at a time when I wasn't ready. I always asked myself will it come around again. I believe it will in due time.
All of those characteristics are important to me because they show that the man cares for me and only me.
The downfall is most men don't want to do this because they're trying to appeal to society's standards of masculinity. They're worried about what people are going to say if they saw them doing this.
Men, I can assure you, no one really cares. Except you and your significant other, which may or may not be me.
3. I'm not a typical female
Obviously, there is no typical female. However, some typical girlfriend behaviors are jealousy, pride and wanting you to be around all the time.
First of all, I don't get jealous. If another female thinks my guy is attractive, that's fine. As long as she knows that he belongs to me. She better not text his phone at late hours and she needs to know that she is only his friend.
Which leads me to the topic of female friends. He can have female friends, just as long as these females know that I'm his lady. I don't even care if he dated one or more of his female friends. The only issue is I want to know who ended the relationship and why.
Why the relationship ended is important because past behavior is sometimes an indicator of future behavior.
I am usually honest about how I feel so he won't have to guess why I feel the way I do. He may not understand my point of view, but the fact that he listened is all that matters.
We may not agree on everything and that's fine, but I want to know that he takes my thoughts into consideration before he does things.
4. I want adventures
Adventure is a generic term, which could mean a lot of things. But when I say I want adventure, that means I want us to constantly be doing something.
I don't want every date to be just a dinner and movie. I want us to ride horses, skydive and travel together.
My last relationship ended because he wasn't adventurous. He was boring. He wanted to do the same thing over and over again.
I'm young. I still have my youth and I want to live while I still can. I want my guy to be wild and free. He doesn't have to like what I like. I'm flexible. I'm down for any adventure.
If he wants to go hiking or camping, that's cool. If he wants to just drive to the beach and look at the sunset, we can do that too.
As long as we are having fun when we're together.
I believe monogamy is still obtainable in today's society.
I believe the aforementioned criteria are the reasons why I probably won't find someone. Some guys don't embody these characteristics and that's okay. I'm still hopeful.
I know the guy is out there somewhere. He's probably waiting for me and I am waiting for him. Until then, I will continue to live my life and believe he will come.