ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I'm The Only 1 In Love

Updated on February 2, 2010

Well..

I love being an individual, different to the norm. I just didn't think it would screw me over.

Not me, not that girl next door, so laid back she's doing a crab stand, not me that girl who's mellow, funny as hell and knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get it. I could go on and on but I'm not about kissing my own ass in this hub.

Yes I was screwed over and perhaps my personality or individuality was the reason. To be honest I'd never truly know.

I rarely get angry and am more of a 'Yes girl'...was more of a 'Yessy'. I wanted to please those around me as much as I can. I got caught up in despair over my hymen...I still have mine, and all my friends didn't. I was living away from home and the friends I had there. I was surrounded by new friends who studied magazines like they were textbooks and defined themselves by their relationship status or how much sex they were having...regardless of the many notches on their bedposts.

Well not all of them...

Subliminal, Covert Peer Pressure.

I'm not sure if anyone ever recognises that it's happening or that they're doing it, but quite often, statements made, body language or events planned can create pressure into confirming or being more like others.

I'm not a clubber...I go every now and then for the sole purpose of having a good dance sesh and socialise with friends that do go. At university most of my friends there, lived for the club and getting wasted. It often ended with me making sure some got in alive and well.

The unofficial leader of the group, hated that I hated clubbing. We lived together and she wanted me to go out ALL the time. I couldn't afford it and it wasn't my thing. I'm into films, and going out for dinner, going to a classy bar or pub and socialise.

Anyway, she needed 'nights out'. It was her fix. Simply put it was how she got sex. Whenever she/we went out it was her prerogative to get a boy/guy/man back to our flat for some of her goodies...I say that like they're still good.

Before long, I was being looked at as the sad loser, she/they were now forced to put up with, because they created emotional ties with me. They began shutting me out, without shutting me out...if that makes sense. I was alone. That's how I felt. I gave in.

I tried being more the norm. I went out- hated it while I was out. Some nights were good...real good! That depended on who I went out with. When I went out with her and the 'dominant' friends in our group, I was so embarrassed my colour faded, the antics used to get men back was appalling.

I know I'm not giving much details, most of which is for another time. What I'm saying is I allowed those I thought were friends to help me lose me, luckily I was just too much for them and me cam running right back into my arms. I haven't let go since. In fact I'm working on making her even better.

The Epiphany

It suddenly hit me! I'm the only one in love with themself. I love me and have made the decision to stop pleasing others and just be happy.

She doesn't get it, the others don't seem to either. They've all got issues of their own...hell we've all got/have issues but I loved me, enough to see me worthy of real love, happiness and respect...whether it came from me or those around me.

I'd never lower myself for a shag not to mention a shag from someone I'd never see again. I wish I realised this sooner, I would have taken better care of myself and stood up for myself, long before I did.

I'd never force others to not beĀ themselvesĀ and be someone else. I want my friends to happy with who they are and with life in general. We should aim to affect each other, let alone the world positively.

I suppose it happened when it should have, a moment in time where I was best able to analyse, be around real, supportive friends who facilitated a growth in my own strengths. I'm a better girl/woman/female for it.

My Point

We as individuals are often to afraid to think about us or put ourselves first for a change...more often it is a need.

I was the only one in love...with me, I didn't know it fully then, I do now and it's the way I want to be, it's the way we should all be...in love with ourselves...not to the point of narcissism but so we know the times where we have to say know for the benefit of ourselves.

So if you're not there yet, fall in love with you!

January Hub Love #14

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Sa Toya profile imageAUTHOR

      Sa Toya 

      8 years ago from England

      Thaks muchly to both you lurvely ladies...and for al the support. It's always nice knowing there are people who get what I'm saying :D

    • ladyjane1 profile image

      ladyjane1 

      8 years ago from Texas

      Really enjoyed this hub and cheeky girl is right there is no shame in waiting for that right person. I have never regretted my first time with someone I love and not just anybody...

    • Cheeky Girl profile image

      Cassandra Mantis 

      8 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

      Hey, nice hub indeed. The first person we should love is ourselves. If we love ourselves, we can love others. Well, that's the idea, isn't it.

      In some parts of the world the woman who still has her hymen is considered very highly. And it means the woman in some cultures is holding out for a special person and wants that person to be the "first". There's no shame in that. I admit in western cultures, some people try to downgrade a woman for still having a hymen. I'd totally ignore them. To each their own. We can all be different and sometimes we can still all be right.

      Good thought provoking hub, Sa Toya. : )

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)