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I'm a Woman So I Can Say It

Updated on January 20, 2019
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Old School Feminism

As a woman who was born and raised liberated I have to say that new age feminism is a complete mystery to me. It appears to me new age feminists want to have complete freedom to do as they please with no accountability for their actions. It is less a desire for equality than a demand to be considered of diminished capacity. Don’t even get me started on the infusion of testosterone from athletes who are new found members of our clan who want all of the privileges of femininity while wanting those who fit the outmoded definition of women to ignore obvious physical advantages in competition. Old fashioned feminists, who wanted a level playing field at work and real access to sports, freedom to be who they were (and to take responsibility for the outcome of those freedoms), have no place in this alien new landscape. I’ll state my case, point by point.

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The Consequences of Flirting

You’ve been flirting and a man says something you find inappropriate. Sorry ladies, flirting always skirts around the inappropriate. Primarily because anything you say that is meant to be construed as expressing a sexual interest in another person would be inappropriate if not said to someone who felt the same. The moment you enter the game you have to play by the rules. The moment you express the fact that the game is not appropriate, in clear terms, it should end.

The ‘I just like to be nice’ excuse doesn’t fly. If you never clearly express, verbally, that a direction of conversation is inappropriate you can’t cry foul. Not in the book of an old school liberated woman. ‘I just like to be nice’ translates to those like me as ‘I need to have my desirability validated.’ You got what you came for so don’t cry foul after the fact.

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Dressing for Affect

You have on a low cut top, a very short skirt or very tight fitting clothing and you express offense that someone noticed. Again, this doesn’t fly because, honestly, if no one noticed we doubt you’d wear the outfit again. You’d perceive that as some type of negative response to your choice of clothing. Don’t get me wrong. We all play to our assets and if you perceive your body parts as your assets of course you will display them prominently. But, we also all want our assets to be appreciated so don’t cry foul if your perceived assets elicit the intended response, just not from someone you were hoping would notice.

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He Took Advantage of Me.

Here is one I find most offensive, when claimed unfairly, because it is a claim of diminished capacity; on the part of the woman. No one should take advantage of anyone but too often we find a situation where no statement was made, no action put in place, to ensure a man had any idea he was taking advantage. Demurely saying no while participating in an act is not indicative of a lack of desire to continue on. Sitting quietly in a chair in an office while someone is doing, or saying, something sexually offensive is a statement of acquiescence. It falls under the ‘I just want to be nice’ defense and is never a defense a truly liberated woman would fall back on. You want to be nice? Explain, in no uncertain terms, why the moment is offensive; so you can be nice to the next woman who will potentially be walking into the same office to sit in the same chair.

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My Body, My Choice

This is the mark of a completely liberated woman but many times we find a qualifier attached. ‘My body, my choice, you pay.’ is not a fair equation. It, again, causes the observer to believe the speaker desires to be viewed as being of diminished capacity. We demand access to abortion because it is our choice. But, if you chose to have sex and then chose to carry a baby full term I’ve never understood the demand that the man who had no choice in the second decision must be made to participate in your choices. My observation is that many ‘unplanned pregnancies’ were more along the lines of a planned hope for marriage. Subterfuge is never pretty. Were I a man I would never consider marrying anyone so devious. Take responsibility for your life and your decisions. That’s the mark of a truly liberated woman.

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Equality in the Work Place

I see little evidence the new age feminist is looking for equality. Equality, to me, would be reflected in the subject of gender not being involved, at all, in hiring, firing or promotions. It isn’t as if we aren’t male and female (and now myriad other classifications) but those simple differences should not be used, or abused for one’s benefit, within the work place. Women who use their femininity in an attempt to gain leverage should never be allowed to cry foul if they don’t elicit the desired response. As long as I have lived and worked I have never witnessed a woman who carried herself professionally aloof being the victim of abuse or harassment. Nor have I witnessed a woman who used all of her feminine wiles, who moved up with the desired speed, complain about it either. Although I find the latter type to be personally offensive I believe women should be free to be who they are as long as they are mature enough to take responsibility for the consequences.

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New Additions to our Clan

With the infusion of new blood, or the addition of testosterone to the female equation, I think all women should look upon each other fairly. I see no fairness in allowing those with high levels of testosterone to compete in sports competitions for women. I realize this can sound unfair to the individual but, we have to be fair to the group as a whole. Young girls who have no testosterone are no match for young girls infused with it naturally. I believe the Olympics limit the amount of testosterone that can be present in the body for those participating in female sporting events. I believe this should be the standard across the board. Allowing anything less than this is unfair to the vast majority of participants.

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More Thoughts for our New Sisters

I’ll be brutally honest. I am uncomfortable with people possessing large amounts of testosterone attempting to participate in the label, in any more than the capacity of daily work and home life. I want everyone to do whatever makes them happy. I want each human being to live the life they feel comfortable in and I think it is cool to have a variety of participants in the label of woman. But, the unfortunate fact is that many of those who find themselves to be women , sometime after birth, cannot understand (because they cannot experience) what it is to biologically be a woman; even if they have gone through surgery for sex change. If this offends, I apologize. But, I cannot walk in your shoes any more than you could walk in mine.

I support those who feel they were born in the wrong body. But, I ask that you support those within the group you feel affiliated with. If you have not had surgery to affirm your sex please remember that body parts alien to our sex (yours and mine) are considered inappropriate for display in many situations. I have heard many instances where transsexuals were offended that other women were offended to have to change in the same room at the gym. Please remember that the body you feel is not yours is not theirs either; and they have not had years to ponder the oddity of having something they didn’t feel they should have. It’s nothing personal. They are just reacting the same way you did when you realized something was amiss.

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    • profile image

      Hxprof 

      11 months ago from Clearwater, Florida

      LTL: I had to check out this article especially because you addressed the transgender issue. It baffles me that some transgender women are insisting on participating in women's sports. THIS is science: a trans woman still has a lot of testosterone in her body, no getting around it. This means that trans women don't belong in women's sports. Period.

      You also addressed the ways in which male - female interactions have changed over the decades. I admit that I was confused when women began, often, to make the first move. The way I was raised, women didn't do that.

      Years ago, before I got married, I noticed women that flirted sometimes DID have difficulty shutting things down. I agree with you that if you flirt, you better expect a responses - that's how it works.

      Enjoyed the read.

    • bhattuc profile image

      Umesh Chandra Bhatt 

      13 months ago from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India

      Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

      There is a difference of perception towards love and relationships between a man and a woman. It is inherent by nature.

      Women believe in subtle and affectionate relationships while the men are generally driven by physical attractions. If any woman behaves with them in a provocative manner they take it on face value and start talking inappropriately or offend the women physically.

      This is a truth though many men will vehemently deny it.

      Any women who is offended by men in such conditions can not proceed for complete liberalization and freedom.

      Many women by nature, contrary to males, do not have inclination to physical intimacy and their fake flirting can cost them much.

    • Live to Learn profile imageAUTHOR

      Denise 

      14 months ago from Tennessee

      All good points. Thanks for sharing them. I just had to post the article. In this environment we live in I think men are getting a bad rap. Many women need to start being adults. Your suggestions, taken to heart, would be a good first step.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      14 months ago from Chicago

      Excellent article!

      "Primarily because anything you say that is meant to be construed as expressing a sexual interest in another person would be inappropriate {if not said to someone who felt the same}." - True!

      However therein lies the problem since the only way to find out if there is mutual interest is for someone to make the (first move).

      Theoretically anyone who has experienced being rejected has a chance of being labeled inappropriate or worse a sexual harasser even if he or she only made one attempt to hit on someone.

      Stealing is stealing, murder is murder, but sexual harassment is in the eye of the beholder. It's not so much as {what is said} but rather (who) said it and if the other person is "into" them or not.

      A woman for instance can't wear a micro mini skirt and low cut blouse to get the attention of (only one man). Most men are going to take notice. She can't say: "I wore this for (him) only!"

      No one wants to be considered for a job and have a failed pickup line designed to be a cute/funny ice breaker come back to haunt them.

      Every day I come across questions posted on dating websites by men asking :"How can I tell if this woman likes me?"

      You'd think they were back in the sixth grade!

      Whether it's fear of rejection or the #MeToo and #TimesUP movement men are starting to behave like cowards when it comes to approaching women they like for dates. They want a "sure thing".

      Women need to understand just because (you) are not attracted to a guy does not make him evil or a harasser for hitting on you.

      Men need to understand just because you got rejected does not mean you committed a crime.

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

      Harassment is generally a persistent effort to pursue an uninterested party. However there was an era where "playing hard to get" was considered part of the courtship strategy for some women.

      I spoke with a woman in her 70s who told me she turned down her future husband 10 times before she eventually went out with him. They were happily married for 40 years until his death.

      Today he would have been labeled a "stalker" after the second or third attempt to pursue a woman for date.

      The word "seduced" or acts of seduction are akin to rape. That's right even if one said "yes" it doesn't mean they truly gave their consent.

      When "yes" doesn't mean "yes" based upon one's gender having true equality seems like an impossibility sometimes.

      Waking up with regrets the following day does not mean a crime took place. It just means you're human. Human beings make mistakes! Take responsibility for bad decisions. Live and learn.

      He/she turned out to be a jerk or the experience was dissatisfying. Move on!

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