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Imbroglio of Yes or No

Updated on December 3, 2015

Our contemporary generation is suffering between two ends ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. A person loves to listen to ‘yes’, instead of a ‘no’ in most of the circumstances. ‘Most’ because, when you’re stuck in a tight spot and you are the first one to be on a trial; the only words roll inside your mind are, ‘no, not me, not me’. Take a look at our routine, tomorrow is Friday, the week end; you have plans for weekends and your Boss in an office or Professor in the classroom needs few people to assist him on this weekend. Admit it, every person standing out there starts chanting and murmuring “Please don’t look at me! Please don’t look at me!” This is a common human psychology and it simply indicates a psychological segment.

One fine day while I was reading a blog and I came across a psychological problem called alexithymia, which meant, people who are confused about the sources of their own emotions – a condition that in the extreme. Such children and adults insist their lives has no problems, their life is completely secure and fine. In fact, they don’t have a story to share. But the fact is, they are ineffable – person who cannot express in words, hence their story is that they have no stories. Such behavior and mere actions have to be taken into consideration. We need to connect our mind with the untypical gestures. Thence, no assumptions or mere negligence and absence of thoughts should be made to make a human behavior look natural.

Now take a moment to ponder how it feels like – if a person gingerly shows no sign of objection to carry out a new task, the other person without even hesitating will perform avidly. This soothes to generate an idea, combine the visionaries and the energy to lead; every act would be hypothetical with just one positive outlook ‘yes’. On the other hand, for the same situation the same person is regardlessly ostracized with a straight ‘no’; of course, he will either lose his morale or calm. This might not reflect in his words, yet inside he will be deeply exasperated.

In fact, every person must have experienced both these two words on daily basis. Take for example, you make an application for a job and you’re rejected a number of times. You ask a girl out on a date, and she urges a no. You have asks something from your parents, you get a reply no. So the ‘Action No’ is a completely restricted zone. You have no control over the person or your feelings. Let’s take the second example completely opposite, you ask a girl out on a date, and she agrees. You apply for a job in a company, and your application is approved. Your parents gifts you what you had desired. For a moment, imagine the feeling, the energy you will eventually possess.

Although in reality you would eventually end up having mixed feelings. This is something that I call a psychological game.

Why a person is offended with yes or no?

Factual considerations for such behavioral dilemma are hidden in one's childhood. People who are blessed with both arms will prefer to be ambidextrous during their work. Practicality states, this is not perfectly possible. A child figures out at an early age he/she is a right-handed or a left-handed by nature. Similarly, the mystery of a choice between ‘yes or no’ is embedded in their childhood. Children at an early age observe, learn and act or react. Mannerisms develop gradually by first observing our parents or guardians – how they behave, approach or treat every person in a society. No one is born with good etiquettes everyone either learns or acquires them. This indicates the child’s background in which he/she is been raised; in accordance few are raised in an attempt to subjugate – which is dominating and few in benevolence environment – which motivates them.

Lenient or Dominant

A lenient background teaches a child to be humble and polite, whereas a dominant environment engenders fear and dampens the talent of a young mind. We are judged by the way we speak. When a child observes care, love and affection from others, he nourishes everyone in the same way because the mind is trained in such a formation. People those who experience agitation, hold memories that provoke them and aggravate circumstances which create a psychological barrier. Over here, anxiety and insecurity gives birth to fear and frustration; therefore it accumulates within one, and slowly starts reflecting in his/her personality during their life’s journey. A child should not be afraid of their parents. For a child, a home is a place where he feels safe and spends most of its time, thus your character should not render him (child) to feel a ruthless temple.

Fundamentally a ‘no’ is like a quagmire; you may never know when you drain down in a complex situation. This segment becomes a repetitive ideology, which later reflects the feeble and timorous personality of a person. Nevertheless, this phase of ‘yes and no’ stays continuum, carried on through generations.

Psychological Game

Take a closer look, when you are involved in a sports or play a game you are aware of two consequences, either you will lose or win. If you reconnect the idea of ‘yes & no’ with ‘winning & losing’, you could convert a dotted line into a segment. This is the reason I have genuinely asserted on the quandary people suffer between the points of “yes & no”, the implication of which manifests in a greater proportion from the psychological game.

Especially parents have to liberate their children and let them choose their own path, only that can entail the growth and development of one’s personality. They shouldn’t label them at every step of their life, or else, life would be equally difficult and depressing. For a teenager taking a stand and decide to face the most challenging person, is itself a competition. In this case, the most challenging person he faces is the person standing in front of him, the person in the mirror – his own reflection. So what’s the point to compel elderly decisions without witnessing their desires! With time the grown-ups should adopt new liberties. The method of nagging criticizing or scolding shows bad sign of parenting. The key for a healthy and everlasting relation is connecting simply through communication. Honesty and Consistency travel hand-in-hand even though you become ignorant. Honest – to be true to yourself, because you understand and learn from your mistakes, and this can envisage whether you are consistent or not.

Play this psychological game, put yourself in the situation and look out for all the consequences that you want to enchanter, and then feel the constant nags. The difference between yes and no will be freed.

What kind of "Environment" you have at your place?

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Simple remedies for those who feel they suffer "emotionally" and often get "angry"

  1. Anger gives rise to long-term health issues such as high blood pressure, abdominal pain, heart attacks or even strokes.

  2. Uncontrolled anger could be destructive for you and your surrounding members. Whereas, controlled form of anger will manage your emotional strength and motivate to bring in a positive outlook.

  3. Never try to dump or suppress your anger or emotions. It is very important to share your reason/views with a senior or closest person who understands you well. This will give you a broader perspective to think and accept the flaws.

  4. There are few techniques which would help you control your anger in a healthy way.

    • Figure-out your incomplete task, and put-in all your anger and hard work. You will definitely lead ahead.

    • Murmur different types of sounds, just like a music and record it. Listen to it, you would find creative and funny.

    • The best strategy is to make the funniest and the worst expressions you could ever make in front of a mirror. Record, if you can.

    • If you want to avoid the argument or abusive language, just walk away from there; and look around, and search ‘one’ thing which will make you feel calm or normal.

    • If you do not wish to do anything, go and take a nap. In addition, close your eyes, breathe in & out real fast until you fall asleep.

  5. Emotions are like dictators to our thoughts. If we suppress or react too quickly, we make negative statements – this leads to fear, stress and heart-diseases.

  6. To control your emotions, you have to replace your thoughts with some funny/happy events.

  7. Do not react immediately, avoid impulsiveness – Let time pass-by, calm yourself and later discuss (someone closest).

  8. Learn from your past, or from similar incidents – You need to refine them to control your unwanted thoughts.

  9. Learn to detach yourself, if someone has ‘done something shameful’ – Do not hold it in your mind, take as easy as you can and let that person himself escalate guilt.


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