Improper Phone Etiquette
MAKING ANIMAL NOISES
DID YOU KNOW . . .
that in the day that we live, 2012, the "Technological Age," with access to the cell phone, Smart Phone, pay phone and Bat phone, if Batman were real, that there are still some individuals who, for some reason, do not know how to use the telephone?
This is not, now pay attention, a trick or rhetorical question. But a fact. I am ashamed to call myself an American sometimes when I hear people in public stammering, slobbering and causing more static than sense when they are connected to another person on a cell phone. It's down-right embarrassing. You'd think that these people with wide-grins and glazed-eyes, are hyenas's who have "made a kill," in the bush for the way they giggle, suck the wind in their teeth and many times resemble a mule for the vulgar way they laugh.
It's more than a social blunder, it's a social menace that needs to be curbed. I mean, to me, there is no excuse for anyone with sense enough to know how to design a plan for their expensive cell phone, should know how to use it. Right? Please do not let me be "preaching to to the choir" here.
So to help "these" individuals who think that vulgarity, sloppy manners and treating a cell phone like a toy from Hasbro, please allow me to present for "their" help and social well-being . . .
(How to Recognize) "Improper Phone Etiquette"
DO NOT . . .chew your food, no matter how hungry you are, or how delicious that pizza is, on the phone when talking to anyone. This tells the person on the other end just how non-caring you are about their eardrums. And eating potato or Dorito chips is the worst. Sounds like a falling tree that the beavers have cut down.
DO NOT . . .laugh like horse directly into the receiver unless you want your friend who is currently your friend, to think you are a brute with no upbringing. But if your friends love you for being a classless brute, go for it. The cell phone companies love you for the excessive amount of minutes you waste with each call.
DO NOT . . .sneeze or cough into the phone. No, I am aware that germs cannot go through the wireless network and infect your bud, it is plain ugly and disrespectful, plain and simple. Have you forgotten to turn away from the phone to rid your lungs of congestion? If so, they teach health courses each day at your local community college.
DO NOT . . .carry-on a conversation with the person on the phone and a person with you at the same time. And please, you are not in junior high, so please do not be a "phone liaison," and tell the person with you what the person on the phone said to them. Your teen years are history. Act like an adult.
DO NOT . . .try to whisper your words if in a public place such as a grocery store check-out line. By doing this, you lose track of where you are in line and cause people to get irritated who are behind you, so please talk and talk briefly to your buddy and continue the conversation when you are outside the store.
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THE FOREFINGER IN THE AIR
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DO NOT . . .yell into the phone. I do not care if "Sammy Dawson," has been seen making-out with your girlfriend, "Debbie Jo," the person on the other end of the phone has a right to decent-levels of talking. Your cell phone is not a bull horn. And you are not a police officer in charge of a crime scene. Just try and exercise some common-sense. And decency in using your phone.
DO NOT . . .hold your phone up for your friend you are talking to to able to hear "Girls, Girls, Girls, (by Motley Crue)" on a car stereo on the far-side of the TARGET parking lot. Get him or her a CD and give it to them. You look foolish holding up your phone in public. And friend, have you taken a look at yourself lately? You are not John Cusak in the hit "in-love" movie, "Say Anything."
DO NOT . . .go wild and snap random photos of people with your phone. Take some free advice. There might be "some" who do not like this gesture of yours and confront you. It might get ugly and the police could be called. If that happens, make sure to check your coat pockets, for the police love to make body searches at scenes of public disturbances.
DO NOT . . .be an idiot and toss your phone to a friend in the next aisle at the store. What if you hit an innocent shopper? Oh, you can always shrug your shoulders and say, "whatever," well, a court of law may not appreciate your non-caring attitude. Why not just walk to your buddy and hand your phone to him? Plus, if he isn't a star receiver for your high school football team, he might get "butterfingers," and oops, there goes your $400.00 cell phone.
DO NOT . . .act a fool and show everyone in the store the vulgar photo your girlfriend has just texted to you. Although some guys may love her posing as a jungle princess with little or no clothes on sitting on a statue of a turtle, but a lot of people may not like it, so please so some restraint. Be decent. Wait until you are on the outside of the store to jump up and down and let your girlfriend see how senseless and immature you really are when you do your "tarzan" yell and swing from the posts in front of the TARGET store.
(This has been a free, self-help, public-service hub intended to help people who still want to act like a teenager with their first phone. And to teach decency, respect and common sense in using cell phone or other communication devices. And absolutely NO ANIMALS, OR SMART PHONES WERE INJURED IN THE WRITING OF THIS HUB.)