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In Honor of October Domestic Violence Awareness

Updated on October 29, 2016

I wonder

On a Sunday afternoon I was at a restaurant listening to live jazz and singing. Among the festive activities I had a thought. How many women in this venue have been abuse, are being abused, or are sitting at the table across from their abuser? It was a thought that entered my mind because domestic violence is that evil covered with make-up, heavy clothing, and sadly the shame of the victim who has done nothing wrong therefore should feel no shame. How many people are smiling and laughing while unknowingly sharing the company of both abusers and those being abused? How many of us might remain silent when people are displaying abuse behavior towards others? How many of us might not recognize the signs that our friends are being abused? How many men are hanging out watching the game and playing ball with men that they know put their hands on their women and say nothing considering it their business?

Recognize Abusive Behavior

The Facts

US News reported

  • Every minute, about 20 people are physically abused by an intimate partner in the U.S., according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
    • Male victims are abused by non-spouse family members at a higher rate than female victims.
      • More than 1 in 3 women will be victims of intimate partner violence in their lifetimes, while more than 1 in 4 men will be, according to a CDC survey.
      • Women between the ages of 18 and 24 are the most likely to experience intimate partner violence.
      • Female victims, on the other hand, were more likely than males to be victimized by their spouse or ex-spouse.

With these statistics swimming in my head you wonder how many people have experienced abuse and have said nothing. I wondered how many people never told anyone. I wondered how many people are currently being abused and putting on a brave face “front” laughing with others while in fear of their abuser. I wondered if some women were living a pattern of abuse they witnessed as children. I wondered how many men have women that are abusive and they feel that they won’t be taken seriously if they report their wife/girlfriend to the police. I wondered how many people have been brainwashed into believing love is this chaotic abusive whirlwind that could most likely end with a tragic symphony, their death. There is no shame on the abused only on the abuser although people tend to blame someone for not leaving or “getting out.” The only shame is on the person that puts their hands on another person to abuse them.

Purple Shoes

Have you stayed silent knowing someone is being abused in a relationship?

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Can I Share Something With You?

  • You do not deserve to live a life of abuse living in constant fear afraid.
  • It’s not ok for him/her to do that to you.
  • When someone raises their fist to harm you this is not love nor is it an act of love. It is an act of hate and violence. If that person loved you they wouldn’t hurt you.
  • If you are a minority woman suffering in silence because you don’t want to make his life harder remember his decision to hurt or harm you. You don’t owe him anything and he should not take your life.
  • If he did it once, he will do it again.
  • Let the last day that you tolerate this behavior be today.
  • You should not be afraid of the person that professes love for you.
  • You are not alone, domestic violence is more prevalent than you think.

Know and believe the creator did not create you to be someone’s punching bag physically or verbally. You do not “deserve” to be abused and it is not acceptable to live this way. You have nothing to be ashamed of and everything to gain by getting away. It is not going to get better and an abuser will continue to abuse until he is stopped or you get away. Do not believe words because words without actions that disconnect are just words. There are times in your life when you need to look in that mirror and know your mother and father didn’t create you to be a punching bag. For those women that do not have financial means to support themselves there are places that you can go for shelter, learn job skills, and provide you with a plan to be back on your feet. If you ever think about going back because he wants to pursue you in the honeymoon phase of apologizing, remember the scars on your body caused by this person that claimed before that they would never hit or hurt you again. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes but they are still monsters and you are not required to sacrifice your life for their love.

No More

What's Love Gotta Do With It?

When I think of courage, I think of that scene in the Tina Turner movie. While watching it is disturbing, there are two things that I love about the scene.

  1. It was the first time she fought back which meant she was fighting for her existence. At that moment she was letting him know she was not going to allow him to abuse her anymore. She was saying he was no longer going to hit and she take it anymore.
  2. When she arrived at that hotel and looked at her face –bruised, bloody, and busted she ran away from him and never looked back. She took herself and whatever she had on and she got away from him because she knew she could no longer live like that. She was determine to get away and the painful truth of the matter was staring her in the face.


National Domestic Violence Hotline:800-799-SAFE


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    • realtalk247 profile imageAUTHOR


      17 months ago

      Totally agree. People show you who they are. Anger issues, controlling behavior, making demands is a reason to say goodbye.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      Since society can't raise individuals in their homes, build self-esteem, or instill courage all we can do is continue to offer educational services and shelters in addition to police protection.

      Personally I believe no one should wait for the first slap or punch. If your mate has demonstrated anger punching holes in walls, kicking chairs, tossing things across the room, yelling/cursing strangers while driving it's only a matter of time before their anger is turned on YOU. Get out!

      Only a fool would believe they are going to be the "exception".

      Ultimately it's up to the individual to decide they're not taking it anymore.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      Great article!

      Unfortunately when problems are related to choice most people don't change until (they) have had enough. More often than not the look for ways to stay.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Maybe we are doing a disservice to victims by spending the bulk of our resources trying to "change abusers" by having them attend "anger management" classes and various other therapies.

      The reality is anyone who allows another person to beat them over and over again is in need of {serious therapy} if not more than their abuser.

      Who chooses to be a slave?

      After all the abuser is getting something out of what they're doing. They're exacting power over someone. We need to educate ourselves as to what is in it for the person willing to be another person's doormat.

      Sadly it often goes back to their formative years, family dynamics, low self esteem, and feeling like they really can't do or deserver better.

      In fact it's not uncommon for abused victims to go from one abusive relationship to another. Most likely that's not a "coincidence".


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