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In Love With a Gamer? Tips For a Lasting Relationship.

Updated on August 10, 2012

Video games are increasingly popular these days for both men and women. Some of these men and women game more than others, usually these people are called hard-core gamers. We're not talking playing a little Wii fit or mario cart. These gamers spend many many hours playing a variety of highly engrossing games.

Relationship problems are bound to occur when one of these gamers and a non gamer get together. Don't get me wrong two gamers will still face problems, but they will usually be more understanding and quicker to compromise. Unless you're a gamer yourself it is very difficult to understand the allure. You may wonder why they wont just grow up and stop playing. A gamer on the other hand doesn't understand what the big deal is. They wonder why its ok to spend the same amount of time on other entertainment and hobbies but not games.

The biggest issues are understanding and communication. Everyone has something they enjoy doing whether it be spending hours watching tv, shopping, surfing the web and so forth. What the non gamer needs to understand is these games are the entertainment and hobby of choice. If someone has a passion for cooking they would be devastated if their partner wanted nothing more than for them to just stop cooking. This would cause huge amounts of resentment, and when it comes to relationships resentment is poison. However if the gamer is neglectful of their partner and responsibilities this will also cause resentment. This is where communication starts and hopefully ends in compromise. I've listed the most common problems and solutions below.


Co-Op Gaming!

Cooperative gaming is wonderful for relationships. Instead of fighting you are brought together and forced to use teamwork. You become partners in a relationship instead of adversaries. Isn't that what everyone strives for? If you're new to games and not very good its ok, co-op games are great for beginners to play with veterans. There's an increasing number and variety of games that support cooperative play, so finding one that suit both your tastes shouldn't be too hard.

Problems and solutions

Relationships are tough already, add someone who loves to game into the mix and you've got a whole new set op obstacles to overcome. Sometimes people who game become so engrossed they completely tune out the real world. They might neglect responsibilities and their partners. Here are some of the most common complaints from people in relationships with gamers.

1. My partner spends all their free time playing games, we don't spend enough time together.

Games can be very addictive, even more so when the newest hottest game recently made its way to your console. Plus, time flies when your having fun right? Well that no excuse when your making your partner feel neglected. For most couples that have been together a while certain things get put on the back burner especially regarding each other. Whether its caused by video games or kids at some point together time needs to be scheduled or it just isn't going to happen enough. Try planning a date night once a week, whether you leave the house or not is up to you. If possible, plan on eating together at the table and not in front of the television. Go to bed at the same time and turn in a half hour to an hour early. Spend the extra time cuddling, talking about your day and when possible being intimate. Co-op gaming is my personal favorite fix for this problem.

2. My partner doesn't do their chores around the house and plays games instead.

Ask yourself, if my child did this what would I do? I would hope letting them continue this disrespectful habit isn't an option. If they are going to make you feel like their parent, picking up after them, well then use parental tactics. New house rule; no video games until your chores are finished! You might be surprised how fast things will get done.

3. My partner stays up late playing games keeping me awake as well.

Do all the flashing lights, the hum of the console, rapid clicking of buttons and the occasional outburst keep you awake? One of two things will help. One, set a bedtime that is reasonable for both of you. If your schedules are just too different and sleeping at the same time is inconvenient or awkward for one of you then this will just create more problems. I would then recommend option two. Option two; Use a tv outside of the bedroom. If you only have one tv or the bedroom tv is just so much better then move it out to another room. There have been several good studies showing that tvs have no place in the bedroom anyway.

4. My partner hogs the television.

Sit down with your partner and figure out good times for each of you to be "in control" of what's on the tv. You could also consider co-op gaming as I discussed above.

5. Whenever I try to talk to my partner while they're gaming they get irritated and/or snap at me.

Nobody likes a backseat driver, well the same goes for video games. Sometimes games require even more concentration than driving and being distracted could mean life or death (in the game of course.) Losing a battle could also mean losing an hour, sometimes more, of tedious gaming that now has to be done all over again. For online shooter games, dying from distractions could be a huge hit in pride. Stats that everyone can view will go down making the gamer appear less talented. When possible wait until what seems like down time in a game. For the online shooter games this is easy. Between matches are perfect and they come along every 5-15 minutes. For other games look at the screen; is there dialog? Does it look like an intense battle? Use common sense to see it it's a good time to talk. If you really want to be sure have a plan with your partner. Use an item of some sort than you can set somewhere in front of them and then when they can pause or a low part of the game comes along they must find out what you needed.

6. My partner gets worked up during games and cusses within earshot of children.

If your partner really can't hold their tongue while kids are around then they will just have to wait until the children are asleep or out of the house to play those games. There are less intense games to play while kids are around. Maybe they could even play a family oriented game together with the kids.

7. The nudity or content of the games my partner plays make me very uncomfortable.

If there is a game your partner wants to play that makes you uncomfortable you need to talk about it. There are some games that touch on sensitive subjects, and these can and should be avoided if they make you uncomfortable or insecure. If it is something you just don't want to see yourself but don't mind if your partner does then make a deal that they can play it whenever your not around. Ultimately there are plenty of great games that come out every year and your partner can choose another. I will say if its killing in games your against it is unreasonable to have your partner avoid these.

8. I feel left out or lonely when my partner is having fun gaming with his friends.

My first and strongest recommendation is to join in! Co-op gaming with your partner is a wonderful bonding experience and I highly recommend it. See above for more on co-op gaming. If gaming just really isn't for you then set aside some time for each other as described in problem #1. Spend some of your own time connecting with your own set of friends.

9. I think it's ridiculous to spend $60 for a video game.

Yes it may seem like a lot but unless your partner is buying a brand new game every month it is actually a pretty cheap form of entertainment. The great thing about video games is if you wait a few months after it comes out to buy it the price goes down. You can also get pretty new games much cheaper if you buy them used.


Comparing the costs

Form of Entertainment
Cost per
Time per cost
Video games
$60 or less
15-300+ hours
Cable television
$30 +
one month
Movie theather
$6-$15
2-3 hours
Round of golf
$20 +
4-6 hours
Sporting event
$30-300 +
2-3
Reading, novel
$8-20
4-24 hours
Reading, comic
$5 +
10-60 minutes
Concert
$20-200 +
2-3 hours

How much does your partner game?

See results

Are there problems I didn't cover? Other solutions that worked for you?

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    • Alexandria Joy profile image

      Alexandria Taberski 4 years ago from Loveland, CO

      The biggest thing really is just giving each other attention. Luckily I found another gamer so that makes it easy.

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
      Author

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Alexandria Joy- I agree! My husband and I are both gamers as well ^_^ Although we play a lot of games together.

    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mama Kim,

      This was an awesome angle at video gaming. Clever and well-written. I thnk it is awesome that you and your husband video game together! You brought up some great points, so thanks. I am a hardcore gamer myself! You should take a look at my best videogame list of 2011 and see what you think.

      P.S. Thanks for the follow, I will now be following you loyally! Have a great night!

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
      Author

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Josh3418, Thank you very much^_^ I will definitely take a look at your game list!!

    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mama Kim,

      You are welcome! :)

    • profile image

      kumar24894 4 years ago from Fuck of HUBPAGES

      Great hub ! My GF must read this. Hehe ! Voted up , following you and sharing !

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
      Author

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      kumar24894 Thank you! Yes I wrote it because I was getting frustrated with all these guys I know getting flack from their girlfriends/wives whether it's their fault or their partners or both... I just want things better so I don't have to hear the complaining on either end :P

    • MelChi profile image

      Melanie Chisnall 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      Yay, I'm not the only one! Lol! Things are better these days though, but a few years ago when my husband was brainwashed (and I say this because it really is that addictive) and playing WOW (World of Warcraft) I never saw him. Going out on weekends didn't exist and I found myself watching TV by myself, going out on my own, etc. It eventually came to the point where I said "It's me or WOW, you decide". Not a nice thing to do, but this wasn't your typical game, it was really, really bad. If you don't believe me, just Google "addiction + WOW" and you will see. I love your suggestion of co-op gaming. We've only recently started playing a few games together, and it's lots of fun. You learn another side of your partner. Thanks for sharing these tips!! :)

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
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      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Thank you MelChi for stopping by and commenting. ^_^ I've never played WOW myself but have fell into a trance from other games (oblivion!) Sometimes gamers do need a wakeup call and a schedule. It is wonderful you guys are now playing together. Which games?

    • MelChi profile image

      Melanie Chisnall 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      We started playing some of the sports games on kinect, it's really lots of fun jumping up and down next to your partner and laughing - I highly recommend it! :)

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
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      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Oh yes we have a kinect ^_^ It certainly encourages the giggles!

    • CyberShelley profile image

      Shelley Watson 4 years ago

      Very well written, and imparts great advice on gaming. Up, interesting and useful

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
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      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Thank you Shelley! This article's content was a joint effort between my husband and I. He'll be just as delighted to know you liked it. ^_^

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Very well done Sasah! I am not a gamer, never have been, but I enjoy your take on it all and great suggestions.

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
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      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Thank you very much Bill! I appreciate your kind works. Especially coming from someone is such a great relationship. You and Bev are adorable ^_^

    • shruti sheshadri profile image

      shruti sheshadri 4 years ago from Bangalore, India

      Interesting hub! yes, gaming can really get addictive isn't it? it mainly affects the people around! The problem is it is kind of a mental disorder where the gamer feels more connected to the virtual world. He derives happiness and satisfaction from it. if he receives them in the real world, them maybe gaming may slowly reduce,... just a thought :)

      nicely put :) take care :)

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
      Author

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Shruti, I think your right, the more fulfilling a person's life the less they'll seek video games. For a gamer though, I don't think you could cut them out completely. ^_^ thank you so much for your fantastic comment!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      I think if they game too much it actually becomes an addiction. I am a gamer myself and so is my hubby, but we only do it when we have a little more time. Not only does it cause relationship problems when overdone,

      I have heard so many stories about how some gamers have actually passed away while at the keyboards. Thanks for bringing the problem to light. Shared!

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
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      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Ah Michelle, You're a gamer too ^_^ what kind of games do you play??

      I think it's an addiction when you forget or don't want to do necessary things like... sleep, eat, go to work, care for children and pets, go to the bathroom, shower... lol ^_^ I've heard a few of those stories too... although I don't know anyone that addicted. Thank you so much for your comment and share!!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      I don't have a mate anymore, but I do have a 17yr. old grandson who loves his games. He is only allowed to play after homework, chores, etc. but at least I know where he is and what he is doing, so I don't mind.

      I voted this Hub UP and will share.

    • CassyLu1981 profile image

      CassyLu1981 4 years ago from Spring Lake, NC

      My husband is a huge gamer and I've learned that the best way to keep our marriage a great one is to game with him. When the kids go to bed and the xbox comes on I'm always in there with him playing COD or whatever it is he is playing. If I'm not in the mood, I grab a good book or my laptop and sit with him on the couch. Although we aren't doing something together at least we are still together. There's no point in telling him he can't game or be mad at him for it. As long as we are together that's all that matters to me. Voted this hub up and shared :)

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
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      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Mary, Thank you for your generous comment ^_^ Knowing where he's at is a huge bonus! I never have to worry if my hubby is with another woman... because he spends his free time planted in front of his xbox, lol.

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
      Author

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Cassy, Thank you so much for the vote and share ^_^

      I think it's great you play with him and don't make a big fuss about it. I know some women who spend hours and money shopping, talking on the phone or watching tv then when their guy plays video games they freak out because he's not paying attention to them or they just think video games aren't worth playing....??? I don't get it.

      Wonderful you guys play COD, we do too... in fact I got my husband interested in it, you'd think it was the other way around ^_^

    • tlmcgaa70 profile image

      tlmcgaa70 4 years ago from south dakota, usa

      i am a gamer, and thankfully i don't have a partner to worry about. but mostly i stick to only one game, Lord Of The Rings Online. so far i haven't found any game to compare with it, especially because i am a huge Tolkien fan. on that game I am founder and leader of a kinship, and i have at least two people who this hub made me think about. one met her fiancé playing WoW i believe it was. to begin with they lived in totally different countries, but they now live together and will be married soon. the other one, he is also engaged to be married, and he has recently introduced his fiancé to LOTRO, bringing her into the kin so we all could meet her and help her learn the game. one of the things that is "addicting" about such games is that we deal with real people, we make friends, you can't just walk away from them. oh, and many who have siblings or partners who need to sleep while they play will use a headset/headphones. awesome hub, voted up and shared

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
      Author

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Tlmcgaa, I haven't played Lord of the Rings Online, but I've heard good things. I love your story about the two people who found love while playing WOW! Games have really changed in recent years, it has become much more social. The only problem with headphones is the clicking of the keyboard or controller is still very noisy for a light sleeper and the gamer can't talk to their teammates. This is why my husband plays in another room or not at all while I sleep. For me though my husband wears earplugs to bed so I don't have to worry about keeping him up. I can't wear earplugs because I have to keep an ear out for the kids.

      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, vote and share! I happy to have connected with you.

    • tlmcgaa70 profile image

      tlmcgaa70 4 years ago from south dakota, usa

      i don't usually put links to my own hubs in my comments to others hubs, but i am this time because i would like to hopefully fuel any interest you might have to at least check out LOTRO. it is the most amazing game i ever played. the storyline is awesome. the graphics are incredible. especially if you are lucky to have a computer that lets you play in high definition/detail. the music is as beautiful as it was in the movies. the makers of the game really out did themselves and went that extra mile to make this game worthy of Tolkiens story. unlike many other games 90% of the people that play this game are nice. i play on the server Vilya, and very rarely do i run into some one who is rude or immature. it makes playing enjoyable. so check out my hub and see if maybe you might be interested in trying it.

      http://tlmcgaa70.hubpages.com/hub/Lord-Of-The-Ring...

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Sasha, my husband is an avid PS3 gamer. I n the beginning, I was not sure what to make of it, but I have learned in time that it is just his hobby and way of letting off some steam after a long day. In truth, you are right too when you say that the $60 isn't that much in comparison as to what we can be spending it on, plus he trades in a lot and get money back and off on his next purchase. Thanks for sharing this one though and have voted, shared and tweeted as usual!!

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
      Author

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      I'm so happy you liked this Janine ^_^ You are exactly the kind of person I was hoping to hear feedback from. Someone who has a gaming partner but doesn't game themselves ^_^ Thank you so much for you lovely and generous comment, you are always so wonderful ^_^

    • profile image

      KDuBarry03 4 years ago

      I just heard on the radio today that those who play 20hrs of gaming a week usually don't exercise, eat right, or stay healthy if they do this and work. Not only can excessive gaming be too much on everyone, it can have different health concerns as well. Thanks for sharing this, Sasha!

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
      Author

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Thank you for your wonderful comment Keith! Every gamer needs to find their balance. That is a very interesting thing you heard on the radio! I guess I'm lucky my husband still takes care of himself even though he games at least 20 hours a week... Probably because he has me to cook for him and keep him in check ^_^ lol.

    • profile image

      swayam 4 years ago

      I like new video games

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
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      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Sawyam, Thank you, So do I ^_^

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! Co-op gaming is such a kind solution to this issue. Your advice is right on. As with any disagreement, we need open communication and understanding to face the problem. Thank you, Mama Kim!

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image
      Author

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      Vespa, Thank you for your kind comment ^_^ I'm so happy to know a happily married woman like yourself agrees ^_^

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