ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

In Love but Sick and Confused...

Updated on June 27, 2009

The Loving Rascal Who Cheats Conflict

Question: My boyfriend is an alcoholic and sometimes  he cheats on me  and he abuses me.  He accuses me of cheating but I never have. I am sure that I love him, what should I d


It's evident that this problem you have described is important to you. It's no fun to have such strong feelings for another who, by his actions, seems not to reciprocate the feelings you have for him. A useful rule to follow, i think, is not what they say, but what they do. You have heard it before, "by their actions shall we know them."

You say you love him, and I'm sure that the feelings seem very strong to you. I wonder if you have written down somewhere why you love him, and the things you can't stand about him (such as the drinking problem, the flirting with other women, and the callous disregard for your feelings might be a start). You didn't make yourself sick and tired, so you have to ask yourself, who made me sick and tired? After you have written down the likes and dislikes, compare the two.

Next, ask yourself if this is this the person you want to start your married life with? Perhaps you could get a journal and write about it, or continue to write on the Internet. You might be surprised at your own wisdom when your feelings start coming out.

Finally, what would be the consequences of having a family with this man? Marriages usually don't get better because of children, especially when the other is still playing around with the notion of having several women in his life at once, even if it is just a fantasy.

Talk with someone you trust. They shouldn't make you feel bad because you fell for this man, but will listen and offer some sound advise. The heart breakers of the world are very good at what they do. they are driven by a need for multiple partners. They usually give clues to what kind of person they are. They depend on the trust and normal upbringing of another so they can take advantage. When we are forewarned, we can turn what we know to our own advantage and not get involved at all. too often these types turn into jealous maniacs, stalkers, or jailers.  Most pathological, jealous tyes had a cheating parent or they judge the behaviour of others as if it were their own. In other words, they my be cheating, and this standard becomes a global imperativie.  Does everyone cheat?  Of course not. 

Unlike many who trust their own instincts and jump into relationships with these types, you have taken a risk and asked for help. You are willing to examine this person under the harsh light of truth.  Nothing is better than bringing friends, parents and relatives into your confidence. If you are feeoling afraid, uneasy, or overwhelmed, call the woman's shelter in your community  they have counselors who are trained and know how to keep you safe. they offer up solutions when all seems hopeless.  they can help with the legal maze and the p;roblems if there are children involved.

The cheater's number one goal (besides controlling and dominating your every waking hour)is to isolate you from your family and friends, and sometimes even the church.  they feel threatened because they iknow that their feelings are irrational but their needs are so great, they are compelled to act irrationally.

Also, try meditation or prayer and see if some answers don't appear. Will this person interfere with your spiritual life?  Will he help you or just add another burden to your life?  If you have lost connecdtion  with your spiritual life,  it may be well to go back and see what it was that made you happiest  during an earlier time.  what do you need to do to get that back? Good luck and many blessings in your search for union with another.


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • solarcaptain profile imageAUTHOR

      mike king 

      9 years ago from california

      Thanks for removing the unauthorized ads. Google has approved my site and I have switched the advertising back on. While my site was not monitized the responsibility belongs to me and not to Google or to maddie Rudd and the crew, who have done an excellent job here. I have learned some very important information here on writing and how to market a website effectively. I am sorry if I led anyone to believe otherwise. The Hub Pages placement in the ratings is great. I congratulate you and wish you the best .

    • solarcaptain profile imageAUTHOR

      mike king 

      9 years ago from california

      I have not authorized scientology or any other cult, church, religion, seer,  believer in the occult,  guides, counselors, fakirs, monks, pinheads or other pretenders to use my website for advertising.  I'm pretty sure this is a violation of my rights.  Whoever is responsible had better get all their trash off my site.  think how offended you would be if suddenly an ad for the devil showed up on scientology. How would they feel? 

      t-mobile--who invited them on my website?

       

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)