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In 2016... to Pay or Not to Pay?

Updated on June 7, 2016

On a First Date, Who Is Expected to Pick Up the Check?

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Are Men Offended If Women Pay They're Own Meal?

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He Payed the Bill, and the Night Ends. Do You Feel You Owe Him?

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First Date, Which Location Is More Ideal?

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Does the Date Location Weigh In On the Probability of the Woman Accepting Sexual Advances?

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What is your opinion on picking up the Tab? Does gender play a role and should it? Also, is one ever indebted over a meal??

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    • Laura Karina profile image

      Kari 18 months ago from Neverland

      I couldn't disagree. I can genuinely appreciate your out look on this very much.

      I believe women feel odd about picking up Tabs because we're still finding a voice. Ironically, the female form taking charge and displaying opposing traditional domestic roles is normally not perceived as 'sexy' in today's society. It's sexy in theory.

      I wonder why? So i think about it..

      Initially, dates were a means to display the style of life suitors could potentially provides. Women haven't even been voting for 100 years and it took WWII to barely get us into the workforce. It's a shift from endless generations where only the males fundamentally pick up the tab. Even raised on Disney, where the same concepts have been encrypted everlastingly in our minds, our sole purpose for women is finding a prince who will provide.

      Our fathers warn us about deadbeats. Our mothers recite the importance of known behaviors and inclinations towards whether he can provide. It's never ending. Yet, here we are in a new mental era; Women can provide. Finally, resilience by those before us and new found opportunity allow us to escape Disney and not depend on waiting and seeking out this prince. Exciting right? We're almost free.

      However, love beckons. Disney wins and the search continues.

      Dating should be romantic, but it takes time. Nothing is perfect from the beginning and if a frog is dismissed so readily before one sees him for who he truly is then we may have truly missed out. Just like men should cool it with the sexual tension, or at least be up front and clear about it.

      I place a woman dismissing a man on the same level as a man meeting a woman for the first time and already undressing her with his eyes. Both are dismissing the being before them. It sends a very clear message, because yes, there's attraction and excitement, but when that fine line is crossed it makes us proceed with caution. The moment we become a sexual object there's no coming back. We know this. Ironically, making us cold and distant as a benefit of doubt. We listen, smile, and wonder whether he 'just wants to sleep with us' as he potentially maintains this evil facade of genuine interest.

      Romance isn't money , gifts, location, or sex. It should occur with time. When enough is known about one another that with a singular look one can induce a 2 beat arrhythmia. That takes time and trust. Literally, one's autonomic system would needs to get on board, and yeah that's never voluntary. But yay to romance. Maybe, at it's heart and core it is trust that one finds proven and built over time.

      Who knows..


    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 18 months ago

      It's interesting that a lot of women see (paying their own way) as being equal but have yet to make the leap of paying for the whole bill like many men.

      In my opinion whoever initiates the date ought to be prepared to pay for the date. Having said that if the plan is to go "Dutch" then it should be stated up front before heading out on the date.

      Most men don't make a move on a woman at the end of date because they feel "entitled". They do so because they believe there was a (mutual attraction) which was the impetus for them asking her out and foolishly they believed she only said "yes" because she was on the same page. I wonder how many women would ask a man out to a nice restaurant or event and pay the entire bill while not having any romantic interest in them whatsoever.

      I'm not talking about sex but rather interest in a possible romantic relationship.

      The dating world be so much better if people only went out with those they have a romantic interest or attraction. It seems like such a waste of time go out with people you have absolutely not romantic interest in. Naturally while you're out with someone they might prove themselves to be not what you thought they were. However initially there should have been an attraction or openness to exploring a relationship..etc

      There should be a difference between going out on a "date" versus going out with a best friend or platonic friend to "hang out" and split the bill.

      Gender differences and miscues lead to awkwardness.

      Other instances might have to do with how the date was going as in lots fun flirting, sexual innuendo, hand holding, and assorted touching...etc

      It takes courage to put oneself at risk to be rejected.

      Maybe that's why so many women rarely ask a man out on date, to dance, be the first to say "I love you" in a new relationship , or make a marriage proposal in long-term relationships even when they want to get married. And when they are rejected many never take that risk again.

      I don't believe the date location should weigh in at all when it comes to accepting sexual advances. You're either into him or not, feel aroused and desire sex or not. Women should only have sex because (they) want to. Any woman who still views sex as something for "the man" clearly does not view her own sexuality as being equal. You should be yourself!

      The reality is if two people are having a wonderful time together and the chemistry is raging between them a free concert in the park, a picnic, or taking a long walk through the city visiting various shops and having lunch can lead to a romantic evening. It's who you're with and how you feel, not where you go that ultimately decides how far you go.

      In fact anyone who "worries about what others think" of them is not likely to relax. The goal is to find someone who likes you for who you are.

      Too often people approach dating as if it's some sort of "chess game".

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      Dating is only complicated because people (choose) to make it so.

      Be yourself and let the chips fall where they may....