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Insight Into a Relationship With a Serial Cheater
Once a Cheater Always a Cheater
The story that I'm about to tell is not an easy one for me to tell. You see I'm a Scorpio which makes me a private person. However, I think that what I've learned from this long on again off again relationship is worth sharing for all of woman kind. For legal and privacy reasons, I cannot mention the real names of the characters in this story. So we will just call him "M" and we will call her "L".
It all started the day after my birthday on a crisp Texas November night at a local pub and grill. I had just gotten rid of a guy that was a little hard to shake and I was out meeting up with some co-workers to listen to some music. "M" knows someone at our table and sits next to me. "M" was a lot of fun to talk to, He got my sarcastic sense of humor and we ended up laughing and talking until the place closed down. I gave him my phone number and really didn't care if he actually called or not. I was really not in new guy kind of mood at the time. Hind sight being 20/20, I should have asked about his relationship situation but I really never even thought about that being an issue. This being my first dealings with a serial cheater.
"M" calls me the following day and asks me out to dinner. I figured sure why not. After all a girl's gotta eat right? We had a great time at dinner. We laughed and were very comfortable with each other. Then went for drinks and had even more laughs. I thought well maybe there is something to this guy. I mean it was obvious that he wasn't the smartest or the most polished man that I've ever been out with but he was charming. Now what I didn't know at the time was that he was in an on again off again relationship with "L". Yep I got caught up in a crossfire that was going to last for a very long 8 years. Anyway, a couple of months or so goes by and we are spending pretty much every day together. Having a great time. And I would have to say quite a bit of passion going on. No sign of another woman that I would suspect at all. Then out of the blue the calls and texts started to slow down a bit. Still seeing each other but not nearly as much. Well I'm fine with that, after all I work quite a bit and sometimes I just really love my alone time. No biggie right?
I'm at work and one of my co-workers, (the one that knows "M"), asks if I'm still seeing him. When I said yes, she told me that he has a girlfriend named "L" but they were always on again and off again so she wasn't sure what was going on. I'm not a big fan of cheating or lies so of course I confront "M". I asked him who "L" was. I didn't tell him about what my co-worker had said. Having an investigative nature, I thought that it was best to just see what he had to say without being on the defensive. His response was a response that I would hear for the next 8 years. "She's a friend.", (at one point I hated that word so much that I deleted it from my vocabulary)."M" had lots of "friends". Now I have to come clean and tell him what I had heard. He doesn't miss a beat and says that they aren't together, they are just friends. Two days later I get a text that he is back with "L". I was disappointed but we hadn't really gone out that long so I'm pretty much fine with it. Hey, at least he told me right?
A few weeks go by and "M" starts to sprinkle in a text here and there. Nothing major, just a quick joke or a hello. Then we end up running into each at the same place that we met. Of course we talk and laugh again. He says that he isn't with "L" anymore. Ding ding ding round two!
We pick up where we left off. Having a fabulous time together, and now starting to find out a little more about each other. We were both married twice. Both of his marriages broke up because his exes were jealous. The way that he explained it was that they had cheated first so he did too and they just couldn't get over it. He has a lot of friends and his exes always thought that he was still cheating. (Yes I know, big red flag right!).
This time lasted for about 3 or 4 months and boom there it is again. The calls, visits and texts started to wane. This time he just makes cameo appearances every now and then to keep me on the hook. I work retail and lots of nights so not seeing him much was what I chalked up to my really bad schedule. It isn't the first time that my work had gotten in the way of relationships.
About 7 years later.
This roller coaster ride goes on. Back and forth between me and "L". About a year before the last go around, "M" sent me a text on Valentine's Day and asked me what I was doing. He wanted to come over and make me my favorite dinner. I accepted mostly out of curiosity. He came over and made me an amazing Valentine's dinner. We had a very long talk and he proclaims that he is done with the game. He just wants to be with me and promises to be true. This was the reunion that I knew I had fallen dangerously in love with "M". I was incredibly happy and had not seen any reason to not believe or trust everything he was telling me.
Then the shoe drops again. My intuition kept telling me that something wasn't right. I had never looked through his phone before but I had an uncontrollable urge to do so. Of course, I find that he was back in contact with "L". When I questioned him about it, he looked me square in the eye and said that he hasn't been in contact with her for months. I let a couple of days go by, waiting for him to tell me the truth and have a good reason to be in touch with her again. It never happened. Actually, he suddenly became too busy to see me. I called him on it and it was once again over. The next thing that I know, there is a picture of the two of them posted on Facebook on a beach vacation that had been planned while we were still together. I was devastated. This was the time that hit me the hardest. How could he do this to me after everything that we had talked about? After all of the promises.
The roller coaster ride finally ends.
Some months go by and I'm healing pretty well. Then the text comes from "M", "I'm thinking about buying a house and would you come and look at the ones I've picked out so that you can give me your opinion on how to decorate?". It starts all over again. He again tells me that he's done with all of the games and very much so done with "L". He is over 60 years old and just wants to settle down with one woman. Against my better judgement, I agree but always being suspicious this time. After all I can only go by his past track record. The relationship went on for a few months with the word love rolling off of his tongue effortlessly. I had so many mixed emotions this time. Love, trust issues, etc.. I noticed that the passion that I used to have for him had faded considerably. I guess that's what years of being put on the back burner created.
His birthday came during our reconciliation. He loves baseball so I thought that Astros tickets would be a great gift to give him. So I booked them for him to take who ever he wanted to. I had to work so I figured he would enjoy going with one of his sons or brothers. He acted strange about it from the beginning. He tried to get the tickets moved to another date and was mad that I booked them during the Red's fest. What was the big deal?, I kept thinking. Then it hit me. He must have made plans to go there with "L" knowing that I had to work. So the questions begin. Which he eloquently lies to me and says that I'm overthinking things. The day of the game and the Red's fest comes and wouldn't you know it, there is a post on Facebook that he was tagged in with "L". Mind you, he still tried to lie about being there with her. Unbelievable right?
Being in a relationship with someone that has done you wrong countless times is a nightmare. Not just for yourself but for the other person as well. I hated always second guessing what "M" was telling me. It was miserable wondering if he was up to something when he went out without me. I'm normally not a jealous person and I really don't care if my boyfriend goes out without me. But every time that "M" did, I had a sick feeling that he would run into "L" and it would start all over again. Once trust is dead, there is no relationship. Only suspicions, and second guessing. It's best to just learn from it and move on. All relationships whether good or bad are lessons to prepare you for the next important relationship.