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Internet Dating - Roaming Richard

Updated on January 13, 2020
Mekenzie profile image

My friend Sara has the craziest dates ever! These funny internet stories are meant to entertain as well as warn those on the dating quest.

Those Eyes

Brown Eyed Girl
Brown Eyed Girl

The Beauty of a Woman

Do you enjoy reading funny stories? How about funny stories about blind dates? I hope you will enjoy this short collection of true stories about my friend Sara's internet dating disasters. This series, Funny Internet Dating, has been one of the most visited hubs in all my writings.

These stories may sound far fetched, but I assure you they are true and with Sara's help we put together an entertaining and insightful series on her crazy internet dating experiences. Before I get to the details of this internet dating story, I would like to tell you a bit more about Sara. I believe that the more you know about the main character the more you will appreciate the unbelievable situations she has found herself in

Sara, exudes the beauty of a woman. Upon meeting Sara I think you would be smitten by her eyes. Her deep chocolate brown eyes speak volumes … ‘eyes are the window of the soul.’ Sara’s eyes are in constant twinkle mode and the sincerity they reflect is unmistakable.

When you talk, Sara studies you and listens with her heart. She is not judgmental and will always choose her words carefully before speaking or giving her opinion. Her life is full and her creative spirit is always looking for outlets. She has used her drive, ambition and creativity to host a banquet to raise money for a friend with cancer; to develop, create and host her own Women’s Spa and Wellness Show. She is a porcelain doll artist and owned her own store where she also taught sculpting and porcelain doll classes.

Sara is the first one to notice when a friend is in need and to take the steps necessary to help. If she hears that someone is suffering financially .. though she has very little .. she will give her last penny so they don’t go without. Do you see what a kind and giving soul she possesses? Sara encapsulates the true essence and beauty of a woman.

He Winked at Me

Winking Romeo

One day as Sara was checking her email she found a message from a dating site. Upon opening the email she saw that someone was winking at her. When someone winks at you, from this dating site, it means they like your picture and/or profile. Sara closed out her email and logged into the dating website so she could investigate this winking Romeo.

His name was Richard. He lived in the same state that Sara was in but on the other side .... “now, that’s a plus,” thought Sara. Richard was an older man with wavy greying hair. Sara smiled .. "hmmmm, he's handsome and so distinguished looking." As Sara continued gazing at his picture she noted his face was very handsome and strong, looking deep into his grey-blue eyes she imagined that they held wisdom and experience. Yes, I do like this face, she mused. As she read his profile she was happy to find that they shared many compatibility factors.

His background information revealed that he was established as a successful business man and that he owned two homes. After closing the profile, Sara went back to her email to (wink) back at Richard. So began the friendly banter between the two. Their conversations were easy and Richard proved to be witty, charming and an enjoyable Internet companion.

As conversations became more frequent Sara realized that Richard was becoming more appealing to her. The tone of his messages were filled with kindness and encouragement. Sara decided she rather liked his flattering, yet sincere, words.

cupid awake
cupid awake | Source

It's a Date

As time passed and the email conversations deepened .. Richard asked Sara if he might call her. Sara, feeling pretty confident about this him, decided she would give him her phone number. The night Richard planned to call she felt butterflies in her stomach. She reminded herself not to raise her expectations too high. When the telephone rang, Sara took a deep breath as she brought the phone to her ear. "Hello", Sara answered with a lilt in her voice. "Hello Sara?" a very strong and kind voice questioned. "Yes, this is Sara." "Sara, this is Richard, is this a good time for you to talk?" Sara thought his question to be quite thoughtful and answered, "Yes Richard, I'm free right now." "Great!" came his relieved response.

As Richard led in the conversation, Sara felt the tension leave her body as she engaged herself in what he was asking. She enjoyed listening to the deep, calming and kind voice on the other end of the line. She was pleased that the banter between Richard and her flowed so effortlessly. Richard was attentive and affirming when it was her turn to talk. At the end of the call Richard asked Sara if she would like to go on a dinner date the following weekend. Sara paused, but only for a moment, "Yes Richard, I would love to meet you." Sara could hear the smile in Richards voice, Great ... It's a date!

They made arrangements to meet in a city by Sara's home. They would meet at the Holiday Inn at 6 p.m. on Friday night. Each evening throughout that week Richard called her. She felt her heart increasingly warming with each time they talked.

Meeting Spot

Hotel Meeting Place
Hotel Meeting Place | Source

Dating Tips

Online Dating Sites

Online dating sites have many advantages. You can take your time to get to know a person from a distance. Many online dating sites have personality and compatibility tests for you to take. The dating service will then match you up with someone who is compatible to you.

eHarmony Ordinarily it would take a vast amount of time and a lot of unbiased thinking to figure out the compatibility factor of a relationship. The dating site eHarmony is a website that was put together by Neil Clark Warren, clinical psychologist and marriage counselor with 35 years of experience. He is also an author of relationship advice books. Studying thousands upon thousands of couples, Dr. Neil Clark Warren discovered that compatibility was the best predictor for a successful marriage. The test you will take to find someone with whom you are compatible was created to fit you with a partner who is like-minded. The test considers factors across 29 dimensions divided into four categories:

  • Character and constitution
  • Personality
  • Emotional makeup and skills
  • Family and values

Most Online dating sites allow you to post a picture with a profile. This allows you to get an idea of what the person looks like and how he portrays himself in a profile. A profile will usually list Interests, habits, smoking, etc. ... some even post income.

You may be saying, yes but they can always lie. That's true and I am quite sure there are many deceivers on dating sites. That is why the long term getting-to-know you phase is so important and an option when dating online.

Caution must always be at the forefront. Meeting at a popular restaurant - double date for the first meeting - checking into references. If you choose Internet dating you must be aware that there are frauds waiting to deceive. Be Wise .... Do your homework ... Always take a Friend when meeting prospective suitors

The Meeting Place

Sara had chosen the meeting place located in a neighboring city. On Friday afternoon Richard called Sara to say he was on his way to the Holiday Inn. His voice was colored with excitement and cheer. Sara could barely wait for work to be done. As the day dragged by her thoughts kept turning to Richard. It was hard for her to concentrate on her work because she was so excited to meet him.

Though it seemed like the hands of the clock moved slower than a turtle, 5:00 pm finally came. Sara gathered her things quickly and as she walked out of the office doors she felt like a bird set loose from its cage.

On her drive home her mind was occupied with preparing for her date. "I have one hour to get home, change and get to the Holiday Inn to meet Richard." Her thinking turne to racing thoughts as she mulled over different scenarios of conversations that might come up. The closer she got to her home the warmer her cheeks felt. Peering at her face in her rear view mirror she saw the flush. She got goosebumps realizing that very soon she would be looking Richard in the eyes, seeing him face to face.

As Sara pulled in the drive she quickly pulled the key out of the ignition and plopped them in her purse. She walked quickly toward the front door. Grabbing the knob she gave it a swift turn and opened the door while calling out to her daughter, "Jill, are you home honey?" She relaxed as she heard her daughters voice calling from the kitchen, "Yea Mom, I'm here." "Hey Sweetie, Are you still planning to take me to the restaurant?" Sara asked, "Yep, wouldn't miss it!" answered Jill, "How ya doing Mom?" Moving with a mission Sara answered, "I'll tell you on the way there, I have to get ready in a hurry."

Sara rushed to her bedroom to slip on the dress she had chosen for their first date. She held up her sleek black dress and tilted her head in approval thinking, "I hope when he see's me I knock his socks off." Pulling her dress over her head she wriggled it in place, zipped it and moved to the mirror to style her hair. She grasped her thick dark hair and pulled it up with a twist while fastening a shiny diamond hair clip in place. How those diamonds shined in Sara's deep brown hair. Walking to her dresser she picked up her diamond pendant necklace and earrings. Standing before the mirror she carefully placed the jewelry on and then reached for her favorite lipstick thinking, "Just a touch of color and I'm good to go." Standing back from the mirror she studied her reflection in the mirror; then she puckered her lips to form a kiss as a huge, happy smile broke across her face.

Humming a romantic tune Sara grabbed her purse and made her way toward the door. "Jill, it's time to go girl." It was 5:35 pm but before she could get out the door her telephone rang. She almost ignored it but as she glanced at the clock she realized she still had time to answer it. Picking up the phone she said "Hello" ... it was Richard. "Sara," he said, "I'm almost there" Sara was pleased to hear the lilt in his voice, he continued, "ya know I can hardly wait to meet you!" Sara felt a blush creeping from her chest, to her neck and into her face ... sensing pleasure filling her heart she replied softly, "me too."

After she hung up Jill walked toward the front door calling out mischievously, "Come on Hot Mama, it's time for your date." With an exaggerated funny frown on her face she answered, "Hey there Missy, don't forget I am your Mother and I am not Hot!" Jill roared with laughter as Sara tried to recover her statement. "I mean I'm attractive .. oh not that, actually I mean I did my best to ...." the more Sara tried to fix what she said the more Jill cracked up, "Mother you are hilarious! Try to hide your blonde roots tonight okay?" Sara nodded and answered sheepishly, "I'll try." As Jill drove Sara to her destination they chatted happily catching up on their day. Giggling at times and bursting into side splitting laughter at other the topic turned to reminiscence of Sara's many dating mishaps.

They reached the Holiday Inn right on time, it was 6:00p.m. Jill stopped the car and Sara swung the car door opened, slammed it shut and walked swiftly toward the hotel lobby door. As she hastened her steps she heard Jill's teasing voice calling out ... 'Have fun mother dear...' Sara turned to wave at her daughter as she lit up with a goofy smile while rolling her eyes every which way. She turned back and walked purposefully through the door.

Reaching the lobby she scanned it for a man that matched Richard's picture. There were no men at all waiting in the lobby. She turned toward the hallway and scurried toward the restaurant and bar. Peering into the room she saw a couple of men sitting at a corner table. One of them had dark hair with grey highlights but he didn't quite look like Richards picture ... at least not from the back. She had to be sure though so she casually sauntered past him. "No, this man is not Richard, too short and too plain." She turned around to face the restaurant and scanned the room looking for her date ... "Hm-mm, he's not here, he must be running late," She concluded.

Sara decided to go back to the lobby and relax in a chair until he showed up. Ten minutes later her cell phone rang, it was Richard. "Hello Richard" said Sara ... "Hi Sara, are you running late?" asked Richard cheerfully," "What!," answered a confused Sara ..."No, Richard I am not running late, I am here at the Holiday Inn, where are you?" Richard had that familiar smiley tone to his voice as he answered her, "I'm sitting at the bar drinking a coke Sara ... I'm here." "But Richard," Sara replied, "I just walked through the restaurant ten minutes ago and you weren't there." "Sara, why don't you come back toward the bar and I'll look for you." Sara followed his lead, with cellphone in hand she walked toward the bar thinking ... "perhaps he was in the restroom when I walked through earlier." Ambling into the bar area she saw the same two men sitting at the corner table engrossed in conversation. The gray haired man was not looking her way and she was relieved that he was not Richard. "Richard, I am standing in this room and you are NOT here." Sara sounded exasperated. She heard Richard say, "Hm-mm, I don't get it, I'm watching for you and I don't see you either."

A thought sprang up in Sara's mind ...I wonder if he's in the right place? "Richard, what city are you in?" Richard named the city she had told him to meet her in. "Are you sure Richard." "Yes, of course I am." Sara gently suggested that he ask a waitress what city he was in. Richard complied ... she could hear him asking and she could hear the answer. "Oh NO, He is an hour South of here." Although the name of the town sounded similar it was in fact NOT her town.

He was very apologetic but then suggested, "Sara why don't you hop in your car and meet me here .... I'll wait for you." Sara felt a bit miffed that he had asked her to drive to meet him. She explained to Richard that Jill had dropped her off at the hotel and then told him that she would not be traveling an hour away to meet him. Richard responded, "Alright honey, I’ll get in the car and meet you real soon" ... and then he hung up…

Drinking and Driving

He's Drunk
He's Drunk | Source

Roaming Richard

Sara resolved herself to wait another hour but not at the Holiday Inn. She called Jill and asked to be picked up. On the drive home she was weighing the situation in her head. Why would he expect me to drive an hour away when the arrangements had already been made ... and he's the one who got lost. It was also the first time he had referred to her as honey. She was NOT his honey!

As Sara walked into her house she continued to reflect on what was happening. She sat in her favorite rocker and relaxed while she awaited Richards call. An hour later her cell phone rang again. It was Richard. "I’m almost there honey, what exit are you at?" Sara told him and he answered, okay, I'll call you real soon ... before Sara could respond he hung up again. It was now past dinner time and Sara was growing weary of the wait. Another hour passed, Sara could not figure out where he could have gone.

The phone rang again with Richard announcing that he had finally reached the Holiday Inn and he would be waiting for her in the front lobby. "Good," Sara Responded "It's pretty late but we can meet for a little while." Just then the thought hit her ... how can I be sure he's at the right place? As a precaution, she asked him what city he was in ... of course he repeated the city they were to meet in. She decided to go a step further by saying ... "Richard, I want you to ask someone what city you are in before I go back to the Holiday Inn." Richard sounded a bit irritated but she heard him asking someone what city he was in... and you'll never believe this, he was now one and a half hours South-West of Sara's meeting place. Richard quickly told her he was in the wrong place but he would be there as soon as he could. Sara told him it was too late and that it would take him too long to get to her. Richard said, "It's okay honey, I'll be there real soon" ... and again he hung up! Yes, he hung up again!

Sara was getting angry at this point because he kept hanging up on her. In fact she called me, her friend, for a reality check. We laughed until the tears rolled ... what kind of a man gets lost like this??? We threw around ideas like Alzheimer, drunk, demented or possibly extremely directionally challenged .. who knows?. At the end of the conversation I validated Sara's decision to send the guy back where he came from.

At 9pm Sara called Richard. "Richard, why do you keep hanging up on me?". "Oh honey I'm not hanging up on you .... we did get disconnected a few times," he said. WHATEVER, Sara screamed inwardly. "Richard, do you know what time it is?" "Yes, I do honey, but I'll be there in a minute." "What mile marker are you at Richard?" Sara inquired. Richard told her the mile marker. His answer completely baffled her. Richard had now turned around and was headed East ... back toward his own hometown. "Richard," Sara said in her most commanding voice, "You are going the wrong way …. You are almost back to your home town…" "No, honey I'm not, I'll be there pretty soon" .. was that a slur she heard in his voice? "Listen Richard," Sara spoke firmly now, "I used to live on that side of the State, I know exactly where you are ... you might as well go home ... Let’s just call it a night and maybe we can reschedule another time." It was Richards turn to be commanding, ... "I am NOT picking another day, my sister is watching my dog and I have driven all this way to see you!" Sara could hardly believe her ears, "You've got to be kidding me, a dog is the reason you can't turn around." she thought, "But you are nowhere near me…." Sara exclaimed. Richard was insistent as he said "I am telling you I am very close, I will call you when I get there honey.. really honey I am almost there"… and then … he hung up again.

Sara was numb ... it felt like she was in the twilight zone. She was so glad she hadn't given Richard her house address. She felt uneasy enough that he was still planning to drive to her neighboring city.

Richard is Still Roaming

Sara's mind was on overload; she was baffled! She walked to her room to change into her sweats and and a tee shirt. As she was changing she made her decision. She would NOT be meeting Richard tonight. She fixed a cup of hot cocoa as she contemplated what she would say to make him understand.

This was a dinner date and it was way past dinner time. After thinking through the conversation and choosing her words carefully ... she determined to call Richard and give it one last shot.. Sara picked up the phone and called him. "Richard," she began, DO NOT hang up on me .... If you drive to the Holiday Inn I will NOT be there to meet you .... I told you to turn around an hour ago. I have explained my reason clearly and you are not hearing me …" Richard answered her "But I believe God wants us together tonight and I am coming regardless" … and he hung up again .... yes he really did. Sara was fuming ... she couldn't believe that Richard just dragged God into this mess.

It had been a very long day and an unbelievable night. Sara picked up a book, sat in her favorite rocker and attempted to relax. She read for over two hours .. gradually the stress began to lift and she was beginning to feel sleepy. It was time for bed. Sara picked up her phone and moseyed down the hallway longing for the warmth and security of her bedroom. She was so tired that she fell into bed just as she was. Pulling her fluffy down comforter up to her chin she felt peace .... but soon her mind began churning.

It wasn't long before the phone began ringing - it startled her. Sara had already decided she would not pick it up. Her cell phone played a tune to let her know there was a message waiting. It was Richard of course. He left a message saying "I'’m here ... I’m at the hotel, call me." Sara was now spooked and wide awake … oh my gosh he’s here - at least he thinks he's here ... who knows where he really is? This is too freaky! Is he a crazy, he's acting like a stalker .... maybe he's a murderer. YIKES! Twenty minutes later another message from Richard came through. His voice message said, "I can’t believe you are doing this to me … I believe God wanted us together tonight …What do you think you are pulling here … I’ve driven all this way … you are not who I thought you were, you are SO deceptive." Sara barely slept that night ... every little noise made her jump and her imagination was running rampant.

Arrow Shot Through the Heart

cupid | Source

The End

That was it .. The End for Sara! The next day Richard left a couple more messages. His messages resonated of the familiar tone Sara had been accustomed to ... before last night that is. "Sara, will you please call me back, I'd really like to talk to you .... do you think we can work this out?". Sara's thoughts were racing as she listened to him. 'Work WHAT out? You are a maniac and you can't even find your way on an East/West highway .... You've driven South and then West ... then turned around and drove back East .... you show up about 5 hours late for a dinner date and then accuse me of being deceptive!" Jeez ... What's wrong with this picture!

Later that day Richard left another message, "Would you please call me back honey, we really need to work through this." Sara felt her fury rising as she remembered his accusations and his manipulation of her. He was so rude and NOW he wants to work it out with me, she thought … No, thank you! It's over!

He sent a few emails out after that telling her that he thought they had something good going on between them … asking .. "Won’t you please talk to me?" Nope, there was no way on God's green earth she would meet him. Once Sara makes up her mind, there is no turning back. Richard had been rude, demeaning and accusing; he would never have an opportunity to call her honey or to hang up on her again.

Sara learned a few important things about Richard that fateful night. She learned that in regards to Richard, something was really wrong up top ... that his favorite word for her was honey and his favorite thing to do was to hang up on her.

As I complete the third in a series of Sara's funny internet dating stories, I hope, for her sake, she never has another crazy dating experience for me to write.

New Poll

If I were Sara

See results

Hilarious Video - Breaking Up

© 2010 Susan Ream


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