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Is Being in Love Real or a Fantacy?

Updated on December 24, 2011

Falling Head Over Heels

What is love, falling in love, being in love, and searching for your soul mate? Is there such a thing as love, or is the whole idea of falling in love nothing more than a fantasy?

I have asked many people what love means, what is their definition of love. Most people tell me that love is finding the person that makes you feel weak in the knees when you see them, or give you a feeling of having butterflies in your stomach when you think of them. Most of these very same people also seem to have a problem of keeping a relationship going for more than a few months. After the excitement of the beginning of the romance goes away, so does the partner. There is no way that this kind of love will ever last and hold up under the turmoil of problems we have in life, for more than a short period of time.

I believe that love has to be a more logical idea to be practical and work. My definition of love is caring and tolerance.  If you love someone enough to want to stay with them for a lifetime you have to figure out whether what you are expecting is a possible reachable emotion, or if it is something like a fantasy that a young girl reads about in a romance novel.

Couples that have been together for 20, 30 or more years, will tell you that after about six months the idealistic romantic kind of love that is shown in soap operas, and in the movies, is not real, and if it does exist, it does not last long enough to build a relationship on.

How to find your soulmate

Many persons with whom I have discussed this topic, have told me that they have searched half a lifetime for the person that is to be their soul mate, for they are sure that there is a person for everyone in this world.  They look and look for the person that is going to give them this love, the sure thing, the true concept of what they think is love, in the truest romantic sense of the word.  As it turns out for them though, is that after several months of this love relationship, something happens, and they separate.

To these people I always have to ask, are you truly looking for love in a person, or are you simply in love with the concept of love.  Is there truly the love that they seek or are they simply seeking out the love of falling in love, which is only a romantic fantasy that does not really exist.  Many people expect another person to be able to fulfill this fantasy of love, which is impossible for any person to do, for the idealism of a romantic knight in shining armour, fulfilling that romantic love is nothing more than a fantasy.   For these people I feel sorry, for unless they can realize the mistake in their thinking, they are destined to fail in a relationship.

Expect your partner to be human and expect them to make mistakes, just like anyone.  The true art of falling in love is being able then to except these people at face value, not expecting them to change to suit you, and only expecting a change, if they choose to change.  True love is accepting and caring and above all tolerating your partner for who they are, and forgiving them for any shortcomings, for they must do the same for you.  It takes practise and patience to learn to live with someone, and this is what makes the two of you truly soul mates. 


Submit a Comment

  • ddsurfsca profile imageAUTHOR

    deb douglas 

    6 years ago from Oxnard

    Finding another human being that can take what I dish out is magical for me. I try to be non abrasive, patient, and easy to be around, but we all know that nobody can put that out all the time. Toleration goes a very long way in a relationship.

  • warm_whispers profile image


    7 years ago

    true what InspiredHippy said

    I'd rather sleep on a park bench than wake up wondering who it is I am sharing my bed with

  • ddsurfsca profile imageAUTHOR

    deb douglas 

    7 years ago from Oxnard

    This is very smart of you, and if a few more women in our society did the same thing, there would be far more successful marriages, fewer unwanted children who came about because someone thought the child would hold the relationship together. I totally agree with you.

  • InspiredHippy profile image

    Becky Jo Gibson 

    7 years ago from Old Town, California

    I agree...and want to add this...

    I have reached the point where I REFUSE to be intimate with a new person in my life for at least 6 months. This means no kissing, hugging, etc...WHY? Because it adds to the fantasy...If I desire a person and do not go there right away I find that I no longer desire them soon is far better than waking up and looking at them 6 months later and wondering who this person is? Jumping into things is no longer an option for me...Finding a love that will stand the test of "hands off" is the only option...I'd rather sleep on a park bench than wake up wondering who it is I am sharing my bed with...Ya dig?


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