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Is It Okay to Go Through My Significant Other's Stuff?

Updated on May 3, 2020
Kyler J Falk profile image

Personal development is a never-ending activity in every aspect of my life.


We have all been there at one point or another, it is undeniable, where we get the burning urge to snoop on someone and go through their personal belongings. The motivations for such actions could range from past traumas to simple curiosity, and no matter what brought upon the desire it is a completely natural part of human behavior to want to know more about everything and everyone. However, it is important to discern when this behavior is welcomed and when it is unhealthy and/or inappropriate.

Caught Red-Handed

In the first year of my current relationship, I caught my girlfriend going through my phone in the middle of the night three times. Seven years later she still denies it!

It's Only Natural

Curiosity is a completely natural, and healthy feeling that humans experience all the time. It is, arguably, the most important facet of any human's psyche because it is what keeps them exploring and learning. To inhibit such an important feeling would be to deny yourself the capacity for positive experience, and even further to deny your own nature.

At one point or another we have all gotten curious about and snooped on other people. Whether it be our parents, friends, classmates, teachers, or significant others we've dug through some drawers or read some papers that weren't addressed to us. This is completely healthy behavior and should not be looked down upon, curiosity is never something to squash and invalidate.

This isn't to say that curiosity can't go beyond the level of healthy, because it can very well mutate, become damaging, and ultimately be worthy of deep concern for all involved.


The Unhealthy Aspects

It is very important to notice when curiosity has become more than that, when it becomes a danger to you, those around you, and anyone else who may become involved. Many a curious individual has dug through their significant other's phones, computers, gaming devices, and other belongings to no real consequential ends. Obsessive behavior is what you want to keep your eye out for.

Take for example the three times I caught my girlfriend snooping through my phone in the middle of the night, I let her do it just to see where she went with it. Of course I wasn't doing anything to warrant snooping, but it was a new relationship and I welcome human curiosity. However, if she had continued to do this past the one year mark I would have put red flags all over the relationship and left her.

If your entire psyche, the health of your mind and relationship, and/or the safety of you or your partner depends on allowing you or your significant other to snoop then you have reached the level of unhealthy snooping. Snooping being a mandatory, constant behavior is a reflection of not only declining stability within your mind, but also declining stability within the relationship. If you can't trust your partner without snooping, then you should not be in a relationship with them.

Have you ever secretly snooped on someone?

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Trust Is Key

I cannot express this enough, trust between you and your partner is the key to long-term success in your relationship!

Not only is excessive snooping a sign that you don't trust your partner, it is a sign that you have some of your own traumas to overcome so that you are able to respect your significant other to begin with. Distrust is also widely equated to a lack of respect, and a relationship without trust and respect is one doomed to fail.

If it has been a year that you have been together, your partner is still warm and loving toward you and there are no warning signs of impending relationship doom, but you still want to be snooping on them every chance you get; well, I'd advise you do some soul searching and ask whether you or your partner is the problem in the relationship.

Rather than snooping through your significant other's phone, snoop through your own psyche and ask why you feel the need to do it in the first place!

If the answer is that you can't trust your partner, end the relationship. If you can't trust your partner without snooping, the relationship is not going to have its happily-ever-after.

If the answer is that you can't trust yourself not to snoop regardless of what you do or do not find, tell your partner and seek their help in solving your concerns without enabling your paranoia. A relationship does not need to end because past traumas are keeping you from living a healthy life, and a partner you can trust will be there to understand and assist in your full recovery!


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