Non-Monogamy: Is Love Still Sacred in Polyamory?
Oh Jeez, Are You Talking About Polygamy?
No, not at all.
Polygamy is having more than one spouse at a time. That's the simple definition. This term is about marriage.
Polyamory is having more than one intimate partner at a time. It is having more than one girlfriend or boyfriend, much the same way people have a singular dating or sexual partner at a time.
More Than One Girlfriend? Really?
You mean, being polyamory is collecting girlfriends and/or boyfriends? Isn't that cheating or something equally as vulgar like having a harem?
Now, where did that come from? The polyamory community, in general, has a strong stand in respect and communication. Now, if they were into BDSM and all partners were consenting, perhaps a harem can be formed. Perhaps, that's not as bad an idea as you think.
However, polyamorous people are set to respect all the partners involved. They are the most familiar with these terms: Respect, communication, comfort zone, and rules. Yes, rules. Franklin Veaux has explained this so much better than I ever could.
As simplistic as it has been put before, cheating means you are breaking the rules. When there are partners involved, they usually establish rules that includes awareness of STDs and dealing with jealousy. Now, supposing you are poly and you break these rules by going behind somebody's back, you have more than one partner who will be angry with you simultaneously! That ought to discourage notions of cheating at all .
So, Where Does That Leave Love?
It sounds like polyamorous people just want to have their cake and eat it, too. Sex, sex, and more sex. Where does that leave love?
Here is the theory that has been put into practice. It might blow your mind. Are you ready for it? You polyamorous folks reading this -- don't ruin the surprise! Now, shh. Wait for it, wait for it...
Love is infinite.
Love is timeless.
Indeed, that is what polyamory is really all about, in the larger, general picture of things. When people mention having more than one partners, the first questions asked are about sex before love is uttered. In polyamory, love trumps sex everytime. Sex is a lovely bonus, but it is not what having more than one partner is all about. That's swinging. That's a very distinct difference.
The idea is this: Love has no boundaries. It is possible to have more than one soulmates in a lifetime. And for those who do not believe in soulmates, they believe in love and that it is possible to be in love with more than one.
But In Monogamy, Love is Sacred!
It is sacred between two people because that's all they need is each other. How can love be sacred if there are more than two people involved?
Love is sacred, period. Love brings out the best and the worst in people. Love is loving that person or this person despite their flaws, because we know we have our own flaws. And love comes in so many forms, spectrums, and color that the human mind's attempt to categorize and simplify often falls short of it.
Love, sometimes, is an entity all its own. We brand it for our own without really seeing its full glory. So, why limit that to monogamy? Monogamous people often do not see the sacredness in love until later. Monogamous people, often, do not date initially for love but for companionship and intimacy which evolves into love later.
So, what is wrong with the polyamorous recognizing love in their own ways and still seeing in it a sacred light? In polyamory, it is seen and practiced that love is multiplied with the addition of partners. We believe and hang onto the notion of scarcity without realizing love doesn't run empty. Our body's capacity to hold energy can run empty, but it almost always refill after a rest, does it not?
Love, on the other hand, is not simply our energy. It is so much more. While we limit our days with time and restrictions, which works to function in the way our society is built today, love is limitless on its own.
What should be more sacred is how you treat your partner, how you treat your loved ones, and how you take care of yourself. Love will take care of itself.
This article was written by a monogamous woman who is engaged to marry a monogamous man. My experience with polyamory was brief but a complete learning experience. I learned many more things from the polyamory community than actually being polyamorous.
Monogamy or polyamory failure or success has no bearing on my concept of love. I am the most comfortable with just one man and that is our choice alone. I hope you enjoyed this article as much as I enjoyed writing it.
And don't just take my word for it, either. There are many other resources to look at, should you need more.
September 14th, 2010
- Polyamory | Polyamorous Percolations - An Online Community
An online resource and community for and about Polyamory and Polyamorous relationships & lifestyles.
- Loving More Your #1 Resource for Polyamory
Loving More is a national 501(c)3 non-profit corporation, educational website, online community and magazine dedicated to support and education of polyamory and polyamorous issues, supporting the polyamorous community both nationally ...
- Polyamory Society
The Polyamory Society is a nonprofit organization which promotes and supports the interest of individuals of multipartner relationships and families.
- Polyamory? What, like, two girlfriends?
Love is not the same thing as money. With money, you have only a limited amount to spend, and when you give it to one person you have less left to give to another. But love behaves in wonderful and unpredictable and counterintuitive ways.