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Is She Having An Affair?

Updated on August 3, 2013
Do you want to see the truth?
Do you want to see the truth? | Source

Is she having an affair? If you are even thinking this, then there are obviously some signs that are causing you to believe she is having an affair. But, those signs may not be what you think they are.

The truth is that only about 14% of women stray from their marriages [Source: Statistic Brain]. Many women who seem like they are having affairs are really just emotionally withdrawn from the relationship. I'm not saying that affairs do not happen, I’m just saying that things are not always as they seem.

If you are worried that she is having an affair, then keep reading to find out why it may or may not be what you think – and how you can stop worrying and start getting your relationship back on track.

Why Many Affairs Occur

Signs Of An Affair That Are Similar To Signs Of Being Unhappy

If you see some signs, your mind may quickly jump to the conclusion that she is having an affair, but she may just be very unhappy in the relationship, and many of the signs that she is unhappy are similar to signs of an affair.

For instance, if she is unhappy in the relationship she may start:

  • Withdrawing from the relationship. The reason she would do this is because she doesn't want to be hurt or angry anymore, so she starts to withdraw from the relationship to protect herself.
  • Not telling you where she is going or withholding information. If she doesn't feel connected to you, then she may just not want to tell you where she is going. She may not want to share her day with you and, therefore, hold back information.
  • Working on her physical appearance like she never has before. Even though many people will tell you that she is grooming herself to look nice for someone else, she may just need a confidence boost because she is not happy in the relationship.

If you do see these signs, then you need to fix your relationship right now. Even though they may not be signs of an affair, they are signs that she is unhappy. And if you leave her unhappy long enough, she may eventually seek comfort outside of the relationship.

The quicker you take action on fixing any issues that she is (and you are) having in the relationship, the bigger chance you have to save the relationship before it is too late.

Other Signs That Could Indicate She Is Already Having An Affair

There are other signs that are more credible to her already having an affair, but remember that these signs are still not solid proof that she is having an affair.

1. Changing Passwords

If she has had the same passwords since the day you met, and she starts changing every password she has, then she is purposely trying to block you out of her Internet life.

Nobody changes their passwords unless they have a good reason, and if she will not share any of her new passwords with you then you have every right to believe that she is hiding something from you.

2. Acting Like She Did When She Met You

An affair would make her feel like she is dating again, and she will not always be able to hide that grin or giggle she gets when she thinks about the guy she is seeing. It is human nature to feel excited when you are experiencing something new and happy, and that is why this could be a sign of an affair.


Do You Tend To Confront Without Proof?

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Don't Act On Your Imagination

The worst thing you can do for your relationship is to act on your imagination. It is a one-way ticket to a break up.

Reality is always different than what your imagination can think up, and if you confront your woman about having an affair when you don’t have any proof, then a fight full of blame, resentment, hurt, anger, tears and other negative emotions is going to ensue.

Get The Proof First

If you suspect that she is having an affair, get the proof first. Do what you have to do to present her with undeniable proof that you have caught her red handed.

In this day of technology, it is very easy to get the proof you need. If she is having an affair, then she is keeping in contact with the man somehow. You need to find that source of contact, make copies or take pictures, and then present her with the proof that she cannot dispute.

If You Don’t Have Proof

Besides a fight and negative feelings, you will also cause her to clam up about her personal life with you.

If she isn’t having an affair, she may become scared to tell you anything because you may take it the wrong way.

If she is having an affair, she will get better at hiding the signs of her affair so that you don’t become suspicious again.

Either way, you don’t want this to happen, so make sure you avoid confronting her about an affair until you have solid proof in your hands.


Awesome Video On Why And How To Listen - This Will Benefit You While Talking To Your Woman

What You Should Do When Signs Of Trouble Appear

Instead of making up stories in your head about what the signs mean, try asking her what they mean.

Communication will be your number one source for the truth, and if you show her that you are willing to listen and work on any issues that she may present to you, then you are going to be on your way to making her feel better about you, and mending your relationship and getting back on track.

There are some things to remember about this conversation though.

1. Don't Let Your Pride Take Over The Conversation

She is going to say some things to that may sting. But, if you start to defend yourself or justify your behavior, then you are going to push her away even further and cause a bigger disconnection between the two of you.

Therefore, accept what she has to say as the truth as she sees it, because that is what it is! When she tells you how she feels or views a situation - that is honestly how she feels or views a situation, and you have to respect her feelings about it.

2. Let Her Know You Heard Her

Validate what she has to say by acknowledging her words. If you don't validate her, then she will not really feel heard by you. In order for her to start trusting you and opening up to you, she needs to feel heard.

3. Share Your Own Feelings

She is not a mind-reader, and she does not know why you do the things you do or say the things you say. Make sure you share your own feelings around the issues in your relationship so that she can start to think about where you are coming from too.

4. Take Action To Fix Problems

The worst thing you can do after your conversation is nothing. You may feel better after you find out that she is really just unhappy in the relationship and not having an affair; however, if you don't take action on making things better in the relationship then she may end up having an affair down the road!

Your relationship is always going to be improving or getting worse. It all depends on the type of action you take (or don't take). So make sure you start looking for solutions to fix your relationship, make her and you happy, and get back what you once had.

Is She Having An Affair?

If you find out that she is having an affair, then what? What do you do when she says that she is unhappy and has found someone else who makes her feel good?

1. Ask Yourself If You Want To Continue With The Relationship

Do you want to be in a relationship with a woman who broke your trust? Would you ever be able to trust her again.

If you can't see yourself trusting her again, then a break up may be the right answer. In order to have a happy and healthy relationship in the future, you need to have to be able to build up that trust again. Without it, you will always be suspicious, and that will have a negative impact on your health and the health of your relationship.

In addition, it is going to take work on both your parts to rebuild your relationship. Are you willing to put forward that commitment into the relationship? If you are not, then it is not fair to you or to her to keep moving forward.

2. If She Doesn't Want To Continue There May Be Nothing You Can Do

You may be too late to fix the relationship. She may have moved on emotionally, and not have a desire to fix the relationship with you. If this happens, there is nothing you can do about it besides letting her know that you would like to work on it - if she's willing, and allowing her to make up her own mind.

You can beg, plead, scream, or guilt her into trying to make it work with you, but chances are you will just be prolonging a break up.

Of course, this is not a hard and fast rule. She may end up realizing how much she loves you and pursuing her may work out in your favor, but remember that the road to a happy relationship is not going to be easy - if it comes at all.


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    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 4 years ago from The Caribbean

      Sound advice and helpful. If she is having an affair, find out her decision to go or to stay before you even start wasting your energy. If she wants to stay, take your time toward forgiveness and healing.