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Is Texting Cheating?

Updated on October 3, 2016

While being in a long term, committed marriage, I found out that my husband had been texting with an old junior high school girlfriend that had "found" him from a social networking website. He did tell me that she had friend requested him, so I "knew" about her. What he failed to tell me was that he began a texting friendship with her that quickly turned from a few texts per day to texting many times a day into the night. One day, my husband left his phone on the bed while he was in another room and I saw a text from a female come in and my heart sank immediately. I was in shock, but did my best to act normal as my husband came back in the room and immediately went for his phone. "What do I do?" is the thought that I kept repeating in my mind. "What do I do?" as I thought about confronting him. "What do I do?" as I thought about my life as I knew it coming to an end. Maybe it was nothing...maybe she was just a friend although I know that men and women can't really be friends because one of them ultimately wants to have sex with the other. I learned that many years ago from my favorite relationship movie, When Harry met Sally and I believe it to be true.

Anyway, after seeing that text with "her" name, I was kind of in a daze the remainder of the night. I laid in bed with my husband watching some movie as we did every night all the while he was texting right next to me. The next day, he left to run some errands and I immediately became what I now call myself, "Psycho Bitch." I went to his computer and began looking for anything...secret emails, looking at his computer's history, trying to figure out passwords for his Facebook and Myspace. After a while, I hit jackpot. I found an email account that he had and when I logged into it, the password was saved. I saw several emails from "her" and when I opened it, there was an attachment. Do I open it? Do I really want to see this? and so I did, and I saw pictures of this person in her bra and skirt posing provocatively for my husband. "What do I do?" entered my mind again.

I confronted my husband on it and he said that he did cross the line with the pictures, but stated that he didn't think there was a problem with texting someone else. Not a problem? How could that not be a problem I asked him. He said that it was only fantasy and that he hadn't seen her in 20+ years and that if he wasn't having sex with her, it wasn't cheating. I disagree completely and feel that in this age of technology and emails, instant messages and social networks the definition of "cheating" is now different. Although he insists that it was fantasy, he would have never gotten physical with her and that he enjoyed their conversations both sexual and general in nature. I feel that he had an intimate relationship with someone other than me and that is cheating. This has caused so many problems in our relationship with the biggest problem being a lack of trust in the one person that I trusted my life with...until this was found out. "How can I ever trust him again?" is now what I repeat in my mind over and over.

I'm not the only one to have gone through this high tech cheating as I've done searches on the same subject only to find many people, both men and women being hurt by the texting actions of their significant other. Some led to physical relationships and some didn't but the outcome was the same. Now I ask everyone in a relationship to become a psycho bitch every now and then to make sure that your trusted one is being honest with you. You owe it to yourself to know and even if you don't suspect anything...look anyway!

More to come...

Is texting cheating?

Is texting inappropriately to others of the opposite sex while in a commited relationship cheating?

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    • profile image

      Jason 19 months ago

      Well I think it's cheating too,because if your married you shouldn't be texting another male friend!! This is going on in my marriage,I've been married 20 years to my wife and I caught my wife in several lies,she told me one of her patients ask her if he gave her 45.00 if she would pay his phone bill,because he didn't have a bank card,so she told me and I didn't think nothing about it ,but then when I checked my bank statement I noticed a lot of 45.00 charges to metro pcs,and I asked her well do you pay it every month,and ND she got mad and said it was a friend she was helping out!! Well she lied to me and shes been paying his phone bill and text him every day and i mean from 5am til 2am every day,I check my mobile bill daily and she texts him about 30 to 40 times every day,and she said he's only a friend and lives out of state.This is crazy and has caused a lot of stress in our marriage,because when I text her she says she can't text me from work,but I look at our bill and she'll text him at least every hour,so is this normal for your wife to think of a male friend more than her husband.

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      DoveFreexrolo 19 months ago

      I believe that is one of the most important info for me. And i’m satisfied reading your article. But want to commentary on few normal issues, The site taste is ideal, the articles is actually excellent : D. Excellent task, cheers

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      MARIAN 2 years ago

      MY NAME IS MARIAN,I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my husband return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR.UDENE for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend,I required help until i found DR.UDENE a great spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my husband back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my husband who has not called me for past 1 year now, and made an apology for the heart break,and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. DR.UDENE released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him.And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I'am writing this testimony right now I'm the most happiest woman on earth and me and my husband is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that's why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe .All thanks goes to DR.UDENE for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break or any type of problem and I assure you that as he has done mine for me is going to do your own too you can contact the great man on UDENESOLUTIONSPELL@GMAIL.COM OR YOU CAN CALL HIS CELL PHONE ON +2348161132988

    • profile image

      Linda 2 years ago

      My boyfriend and companion also did this many times. He would text all day long while at work to different girls and tell me they were just friends. I trusted this was the truth as how can you have a relationship if you can't trust each other, right? Wrong, he started not coming directly home from work or lied about his time he was done at work. He would be no where to be found! Always on his phone and told me it was his work buddies. I finally got suspicious and checked our phone bill. Sure enough the evidence was there. He texted or she texted him upon leaving work and then no text for about half hour to an hour and that was around the time he arrived home a text was sent to her again . And then all night until 2 am sometimes. He also was texting this one girl, told me to my face he loved her and asked me what should he do? I said chose you only can have one of us----he left ---- I heard later he had sex with her and he would be gone all day and half the night until finally he was home more! This is his house not mine so either I leave or stick it out! With no place to go, and because we have a daughter between us, I still stay in the same house but separate bedrooms . We seldom do anything as a family any more and he is again chatting with another lady. It doesn't end. My plan? Stay as long as I can, share the house expense, and eventually find another place to live!

    • profile image

      pacheermom 2 years ago

      My husband of 14 years recently told me he came across his ex fiance on social media. I have been having female issues so we have not been intimate in 2 months. Also being on different meds for it my moods were all over and he didnt understand it and started to ignore me.He was with her for 2 years. He started telling me that shes a nurse and that shes getting divorced. Before this I havent heard her mentioned since we first met and were talking about our past. I was looking up on the computers history for a recipe I had found and noticed they have been messaging back and forth. There are nights hes on the computer instead of being at our daughters sports games or out in living room with us. I was able to read a few of them and one she asked our daughters age the other was her apologizing for how she treated him while they were together. I asked him if there was something going on and he said no he will delete her. Well he did not delete her and has been messaging her still. I am unsure what to do?

    • profile image

      bella rossy 2 years ago

      hi im bella. i had a problem with my ex who cheated on me but i asked a friend to help me cause he's really good at hacking . all he asked for was my ex's cell number. just tell him isabella referenced you and he'll help.

    • profile image

      bella rossy 2 years ago

      hi im bella. i had a problem with my ex who cheated on me but i asked a friend to help me cause he's really good at hacking . all he asked for was my ex's cell number. just tell him isabella referenced you and he'll help.

    • profile image

      kpoprubba 2 years ago

      For me finding out my husband was texting another woman just shattered my trust. I used to think he was such a nice and great guy. I never in my mind ever suspected him of even considering another woman. Then he admitted to me he had been texting and chatting with another woman. The app he was using is similar to snapchat so I couldn't see their texting history. When I saw her I delete her without telling him while he was in the bathroom. Several minutes later I saw he readded her and called her "baby." That is our name for eachother. It really hurt me he could call that woman our pet names. I was so disgusted with him. He promised me he ended it-- and I was keeping tabs on him (not major stalking but just checking up every once in a while) everytime I check my heart pounds. Then one day I saw him internet history and saw he was searching for her on facebook and found her twitter account - funny that day he reactivated an old twitter account he never told me about, but I saw. Wow my trust I was slowly building was shattered once again. Who is this guy? He is completely different from the guy I thought I knew. I feel now he is just plotting and scheming. I don't know what comes out of his mouth is true or not. That day he was searching for her online was the same day he told me he was a good guy and never hurt me again and made a sad face like he felt so bad about that situation. Who is this duplicitous guy? So warm and cuddly with me telling me how much he loves me and then the next moment seeking out that woman AGAIN after he told me he would never do that kind of thing ever again. I just don't know. I always loved him so much and trusted him completely... now I am suspicious of every single thing he says. It's such a burden to live with. I want to love my husband totally and completely, but if I feel this other woman, or other women are always on his mind... I don't want to love him deeply.

      That day I found out he was texting another woman he even told me "maybe we are just better as good friends." Then a few moments later "Baby I need you, I love you." I thought we should only be friends?? He changed like the wind and his heart is so unpure. Whether I am mad and angry at him... or loving or affectionate with him at least my heart never changed, never waivered for a second. He waivers constantly.

    • profile image

      heartbroken 2 years ago

      Being in a relationship for 2 years I found out today that my partner is texting every day too 3 woman. My heart is so sore I am a very committed person and I hate this. but I don't want to sound like a jealous girlfriend. I am turning 60 and he is 63. What do I do about it. Please assist me. My number is 0837008332.

    • profile image

      Sarah 2 years ago

      !!! How To Get Your husband Back & Avoid Divorce !!!

      My name is Sarah am from Texas, am a woman who love and cherish my husband more than any other thing you can imagine on earth continent. My husband was so lovely and caring after 3years of marriage he was seriously ill and the doctor confirm and said he has a kidney infection that he needed a kidney donor, that was how I start searching for a good Samaritan who can help,doctor has given me a periodic hour that he will live just 26hours left, that was how I ask the doctor if I can be of help to my husband that was how he carried out the text,the confirming was successful, I was now having this taught that since 3 years now we got married I have not be able to get pregnant can I be able to get bring again? That was the question I ask the doctor, he never answer his response was did you want to lost your husband? I immediately reply no I can't afford to loose him. After the operation my husband came back to live and was healthy I was also ok with the instruction given to me by the doctor, after 3months my husband came home with another lady telling me, that is our new wife that will give us kids and take care of us, that was how I was confused and started crying all day, that was how my husband ran away with his new wife cluaralle. Since then I was confuse don't no what to do that was how I went back to the doctor and tell him everything, he told me that, this is not just an ordinary it must be a spiritual problem that was how he gave me this email (freedomlovespell@hotmail.com) that I should tell her all my problem that she can help that was how i contacted her and I do as instructed. After 3days and I have done what she ask me to do, my husband start searching for me and went back to the doctor, that was how we well settle she also told me not to worry that I will get pregnant, this month making it the fifth Month I contacted her am now 3months pregnant. These great spell cater is a great man, if you are any kind of problem you can contact him here on his email (freedomlovespell@hotmail.com) website address: freedomlovespelltemple.yolasite.com

    • profile image

      notworth 2 years ago

      My husband thinks that just because he has history with his female friend that it makes it okay for them to text all the time at all hours of the day. To make matters worse, he continues to make sexual remarks to her to get a reaction out of her so that she will admit his attraction towards her as no longer a joke. A majority of the men in the world are pigs!! The few that remain honest, tried, and true have been ruined by cheating females.

    • profile image

      Gg 3 years ago

      I just found out that my husband has been texting a friend for the last year or some days it went on from 6:30 in the morning till 12 at night. I had asked him a couple of months ago if he had heard from this particular person and he said no. I was a little surprised as she was going on vacation with our family. I cam home one night and was going to check my minutes and saw that he had been texting her and my daughter constantly. I do not know what the text say but was very upset because I had just asked him before if he had heard from her. When I confronted him he said he did not tell me cause he knew I would be mad. No I was terribly hurt. Then I started to check our bill each day to see if they were still texting. and they were. Now all of a sudden I cannot see their numbers when I pull up our billing information. I am wondering how he has made it possible that their numbers do not show up when they text.

    • profile image

      SOSO 3 years ago

      I HAVE CAUGHT MY FIANCE ON CHAT LINES FOUR TIMES ALREADY SENDING TEXT MESSAGES TO WOMEN AND ALSO PICTURES OF HIS BODY PARTS I TOLD HIM HOW I FELT THE LAST TIME HE SAID HE WOUD STOP AND THEN I FOUND OUT HIS DOING IT AGAIN HE ALSO GOES ON PORN WEB SITES AND CHAT WITH WOMEN THERE HE HAS ALL THESE EMAILS I HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT HE SAYS ITS MY FAULT BEACUSE I TALK TO ALL THESE GUYS WHICH IS NOT TRUE PLEASE HELP

    • profile image

      jen 3 years ago

      So my husband have done the sextexting since the first week we hook up. Often I cry about it even told him I would leave him nothings change except that now he is more careful at hiding it. But see I'm a bitch! If it's his thing and he can't stop I have to stop victimize myself about it so now I do it too! But not with strangers with some of his friends! And I don't hide it I don't lock my phone and I leave my computer open. Hoping that one day he will see it and than understand how much pain it can be.

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      NiMc29 4 years ago

      I need to vent and to hear some advice.

      My husband and I have only been married for 1 year. Keep in mind he works and lives out of town during the week and is only home on weekends. He does not try to find a job close to home and he does not want me to quit my job to find one where he has a job. He promises me that he has always been faithful to his past GFs and he will always be faithful to me. Well Now! I was out of work for a while due to surgery. I kept noticing he was very protective over his phone. I got suspicious and I looked at his text messages. Come to find out he had been texting a woman for a very long time and never told me. Then I thought maybe I should check his FB messages. Yep! There they were. I found out that he was telling that woman that her pictures were sexy and talking to her through private messages there. He was even talking to her while I was having surgery. But it gets worse. I also found where he was talking to one of his old female friend that lives about 10 minutes away from where he works and lives during the week. They had been talking on the phone, texting and private messages on FB since before we got married. He had never told me. I knew both of these women were his friends on FB book but I personally know the first one and never would have thought they were talking like that and the second one he told me was his cousin. I never knew he was calling, texting or private messaging either one. I also have caught him during the night, on the weekend, watching Porn videos. When I confronted him about all of this, he told me that I was reading too much into this and I was crazy and it is all in my head. He gets angry because I have trouble trusting him. He tells me he is going to hang out with one of his male friends during the week while he is out of town during the week. I am not sure what I should do. I do know that I have trouble trusting him.

    • profile image

      5 years ago

      My husband claims that he made a friend and it's not cheating. I say why do you need a female friend. He said she is just a coworker friend but all his other coworkers dont text back and forth. Plus he has a work phone, she should not even have his personal phone. Also, he deleted all the text so I know he is hiding something.

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      WOW 5 years ago

      Let me put a Ca-bosh on all your comments and opinions! If You are doing it and you can't tell your husband/wife the its wrong and you know it! If they know and have asked you to stop and you still do it you are cheating! Its a pure betrayal of trust in a relationship. To relate to one another means to RELATE and understand one another! Therefore when you harm and decide yourself not to RELATE with your spouse you are negatively demolishing what you have built and hurting someone else without regards to their feelings.

    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 5 years ago from Southern Clime

      Not all secrets are revealed. Many cheaters are getting away with it while unsuspecting spouse are in the dark. Little do they know that the green grass on the other side is bitter gall waiting to to be ingested. then, it will begin its job of destruction.

      If you divorce, sue the other woman for alienationation of affection. She will remember you.

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      angelica 5 years ago

      I hold you all in my prayers, and hope you all find it in your hearts to do the right thing.GO WITH YOUR INNER FEELINGS, God bless xxxx

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      Aida 5 years ago

      Yes,it is cheating !

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      Ms.confused 5 years ago

      Ive been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs. we have a son together. he was woking offshore when he confided in this other women,he claims to this day nonthing happened but at the same time got phone reports of both of them consistantly texting 2weeks strait sometimes all night. whats eating away at me is what could they have been talking about?(please I need some input!when he would return home he would still show me love and affection! please help Im so confused!!

    • profile image

      Sue barns 5 years ago

      U should do wot makes u happy

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      Painful.... 5 years ago

      Sorry for my English, its not my main language here.

      Caron Thomson, please stop that!!! It always comes from texting, fb-ing, chatting, messenger-ing,etc, and usually end up in bed. Maybe you have no idea how hard is that for your husband.

      After 10th years of our marriage, I finally found that my wife did that, or still doing that i don't know.

      It's 4 months now from the 1st time I knew about it. Forgive, lie, forgive, lie, again n again... I dont know whether I could totally forgive her. Now I know, she text / email / send pics etc, even on our vacations thousand miles from home...

      While Im busy preparing vacation for our 10th anniversary, at the same time she's busy too texting with another guy.

      Really2 painful for me, nightmare...

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      Confused and Angry 5 years ago

      Earlier this week my husband was up very late having sexual conversations on FB with an ex from years and years ago. I had some suspicions something was going on as I'd seen earlier on his FB messages to her that said "I can't stop thinking about U." He'd always been pretty open about staying logged into his account. However, this message sent up a red flag and after he didn't come to bed and fell asleep on the couch, I decided to do a little checking. He was still logged in to his FB account and in the morning I read much of the 4-hour plus conversation that he had with this woman (who is also married). It seemed to start off innocently, but then quickly changed to flirting and then very sexual comments, including discussions on when they might be able to meet in person. I believe too that they exchanged graphic photos of each other, but he had cleared these off his phone by the time I had a chance to check. The conversation stated that she could trust him as his phone number was very secure and private. I confronted him later the next day. He said it was the first time this had happened with this ex and that it was just talk. Just something that gave him a thrill. Some background on us, we have been married for 13 years and together 17 years. Plus we have 2 children and another due any day. He says he wouldn't ever want anyone else and that I'm all he wants and needs. He says it is almost like he is two people. He feels different with me than when he was sexting. I told him to me it is cheating and I feel betrayed and I don't know how to trust him again. I want to work it out but don't know where to begin. He said nothing physical would ever come from this and I mostly believe that. This ex is over 500 miles away. Not sure what to do now. He still seems to feel it isn't that big of a deal. I'm heartbroken and find myself depressed - something I've dealt with the last few months with my pregnancy. But now it is worse. I am anxious, near tears often, and have little interest in eating, though I'm doing it for my baby. I am incredibly sad as I'll be going through labor any day and want to be able to count on my husband to be there for me. I know that soon I will be lost in the first few months of taking care of a newborn and even sleep deprived. Also, I noticed through another email account that we used to share that he changed the password to his regular email account. Plus he hid his phone the other night in a drawer which I came across when putting laundry away. How can I make him understand how big a deal this is?

    • profile image

      Caron 5 years ago

      Do u mean it is cheating ?

    • profile image

      Still Feeling the Pain 5 years ago

      This is for every last person asking if it is wrong for the other part of their coupling to be texting, having phone calls, emailing, fb-ing, social networking of any kind, etc a person of the other sex.

      YES it is!

    • profile image

      KELLY 5 years ago

      Just been through the same. its an addiction. They need help or youll get hurt and hurt and hurt .

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      clarknancy01 5 years ago

      Nightmare....Like I said, it starts out as friendship & that friendship opened doors that shouldn't been opened.....just like texting....that will open another door you see what happen with that Caron up there who's ask if texting is cheating??? that door has open lol, you have to be a man and put your foot down, I love my husband BUT the day he cheats its OVER....once a cheater always a cheater

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      Nightmare 5 years ago

      My wife and I were married for over 2 years and everything was going very nice. She kept texting to some one ad I asked who it was. She told me it her friend from work and she stored his ex boyfriends number with her friends name. I was under the impression that she is taking to her friend. But then I was curious why his her girl friend from work texting her good morning and good night after I saw a txt at night when she was sleeping. I started to dig And fould she had been cheating behind my back. First it started with texting then they met few time. I spoke to her and she promised me that she was side tracked and now things are better. But I still can't forget and it's been over a year it's comes back to me. Trust is one thing you should never break in marriage.

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      Cat jonhson 5 years ago

      Yeah hunni it's cheating do what makes you happy tho because you get one life live it

    • profile image

      Cat jonhson 5 years ago

      Yeah hunni it's cheating do what makes you happy tho because you get one life live it

    • profile image

      Caron thomson 5 years ago

      Is it cheating

    • kayecandles profile image

      kayecandles 5 years ago

      Carin-what makes you think you'd be happier with the guy texting you, and he might be doing it just to get an ego boost for himself. Don't waste your time and do not break up a marriage or two because of being unhappy-talk to your husband, try to resolve issues before creating a bigger one.

      https://hubpages.com/technology/Facebook-Affairs...

    • profile image

      Caron Thompson 5 years ago

      But I mite be in love with him is texting cheating

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      clarknancy01 5 years ago

      Caron Thomson, I had fights with my husband lots of time co'z of your type, if your unhappy in your marriage talk to your husband instead of trying to steal somebody's else's happiness, we been living together for 6 years...married for 2 years, I forced him to stop contacting with his old high school female friends just because they develop feelings for him, we woman love to have a man that listens to our problems, we are selfish, we like to control what we have, once we develop feelings for a man we ignored the part if he's married or already have a girlfriend, I have never met a man that got soooo many female friends like my husband and I have forced him to stop talking to 8 so far or I'm walking out the door, I was ok with the fact he talks to them at first but I have notice my husband is very naive he can't tell when them bitches flirts with him,when I first got with him I ask him why these women always call for advice? he said its because he listens.....pissed me off, Well I was ok with that until these bitches starts telling him how horney and looney they r, their friendship has opened doors that should't been opened, thats when I make my move I send them a text on their phone cuss their horney ass off & introduce myself as his girlfriend at the time, these females were high school friends so they went tell on me to other ppl that in still in contact with my boyfriend (now husband) at the time, to let him know what I just did to them lol, they r something else....they have NO IDEA i text them right in front of him, we got married and now he found one high school female friend online so they share cell & email plus Facebook and it did't bother me coz he told me everything plus she's married with two kids just like us, U see I draw a line between my husband and these bitches, once they cross it...GAME OVER thats when I step in and cut all ties & cuss them out, if they r married I will contact the husband and tell him to control his wife before I kiss her ass, This is my life & my Rules, Well this friend of his talks to him about her and her husband getting a divorce co'z he treats her like shit she unhappy, that was ok until 3 weeks later she starts texting hy husband non stop smiley faces every time before she calls to talk to him co'z she's bored, she is 30 years old acting like a 16 year old.....she was desperate for attention like our dog, thats when I step in send her a private massage & her husband, I forced my husband to blocked her ....change his cell number & delete all his email address he gave her, NIP IT IN THE BUTT, one thing his old female friends don't understand about their friend I married is the fact I got him wrap around my finger lol, its my way or the high way, he's a good looking guy and always sweet to emotional chicks his sister told me when they were still young a lot of girls came ask he to sleep over with her at their house when they r not friends just so they can get closer to my husband back in the days......my advice is Caron you should put yourself in the other woman's shoes, r u gonna be ok if someone snatch your man away from u? talk to your husband & respect the married vows

    • profile image

      Caron Thomson 5 years ago

      Hi there I need help iv been married for 8 years but for past 3 years iv been very unhappy at home but for the past 3 years iv liked a guy but he has got a girl friend I'm confused we tex everyday and he has told me he fancies me too . I think I mite even be fallin for him I don't no what to do no more I'm crazy about him but not sure how he feels towards me I only hope we can be together one day please help is it cheatingl

    • profile image

      Caron Thomson 5 years ago

      Hi there I need help iv been married for 8 years but for past 3 years iv been very unhappy at home but for the past 3 years iv liked a guy but he has got a girl friend I'm confused we tex everyday and he has told me he fancies me too . I think I mite even be fallin for him I don't no what to do no more I'm crazy about him but not sure how he feels towards me I only hope we can be together one day please help

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      Jo1976 5 years ago

      I notice my boyfriend started keeping his phone on silent, which he has never done. I knew it was wrong but I snooped into everything I could. Turns out a past girl he had a thing for had been messaging him, texting him, and e-mailing him. At first she goated him in asking for his assistance in a computer issue, then she became playful and he sent her some sex toy ad via e-mail. As I continued to be nosey I found an invite from him to her to meet him at a casino one Friday night when he told me he was going alone because he didn't want to be home during one of my girls nights. He never went that night, ended up staying home and being a complete jerk in front of my friends and family. I'm guessing "she" couldn't make it. Next I found a text from her saying "I know you have a girlfriend but if that means you're going to ignore my calls at least be a man and tell me." That is the last thing I found and it's been a few weeks. I haven't told him I know anything because other than knowing he's been communicating with her and was going to meet up with her I have nothing else. He's a computer guy so I'm sure he is covering his tracks very well. I'm so confused and can't stop thinking about it. Any advise?

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      Nicky 5 years ago

      im going through the same exact thing! except ive only just found out about it coz he got a scare from an ex friend of ours!! i cheated on him in 2007 yes i know it was wrong and i have been making up for it ever since ( i only kissed someone tho) but im not making excuses for it ive only ever been with my partner so i guess ppl make 1 mistake and believe me it will never happen again! anyway 3 yrs after i did it he began talking to a slapper on the popular social networking sight he too made me aware that it was an ex from school it felt funny and yes i had a problem with it but i let it go, until he started hiding it away changed his passwords i thought this is funny his excuse was he needs privacy lol anyway after alot of nagging he left walked out, it proper killed me when he left me thinking its all my fault does he deserve privacy anyway a week later we got back together and the texting and emails had stopped he deleted the social networking site all was well and we moved started a new life and all was bliss till a week ago when i found out he said it was her coming on to him but after all these yrs do i believe it! no truefuly i dont! everything we had i feel its all been a lie im angry upset and betrayed but should i feel like this? knowing i did worse! i still dwell on what i did but im moving on from it how long do u actually punish yourself for 1 mistake? we went through another bad patch where he was messaging a girl from work too and all the bad feelings came back i confronted him because he was deleting them he said nothing is going on he said he was deleting them because she was ending her texts with kisses my thought was well tell her then!! anyway that has dissolved now her number isnt in the phone question is tho do i believe him and honestly i dont think i do and its killing me inside ive been with him for 13 yrs and have 2 kids i will never fall inlove again no man is worth it to me now :(

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      hurt feelings 5 years ago

      I just found out the man I've been seeing for the last year has not removed his dating site profile which we meet on. He logged into my laptop and left his page up, so I read everyhing. I asked him about it and he says he is just bored and innocently texting woman whom he has no intention of meeting. I told him I dont approve and dont like the idea of him giving out his phone number. I did search his cell phone and found he has been texting a woman talking about his relationship desires, etc. All the things he says he has with me. What do I do? Do I delete his dating site account? Do I contact this woman and tell her he is in a relationship? Need some good advise as to how I should handle this situation.

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      roberto 5 years ago

      A successful marriage requires giving “exclusive devotion” to your mate. (Song of Solomon 8:6; Proverbs 5:15-18) What does this mean? While it is normal to have friends of both sexes outside of marriage, your marriage mate has first claim on your time, attention, and emotional energy. Any relationship that takes what rightly belongs to your mate and gives it to someone else is a form of “infidelity,” even if no sexual activity is involved

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      echo 5 years ago

      I am going through something similar, too. My husband and I have been married 9 months. One month after we got married he started a new job. I was going to be late to pick him up one day, so he said he would wait at the restaurant across the street. When I got there I found that a girl from work had waited with him. I was only a half hour late, but the itemized bill showed two appetizers and four beers. My husband claims they were all for him, but he has never finished more that one beer in a half hour since I have known him. A few weeks later we were watching a football game on tv and he was on the computer the whole time. After the game he left his Facebook open, and I saw that he had been messaging this same girl. She was telling him she wanted the guy she lived with to move out. My husband was offering to help her make it happen. I confronted him, and he told me he was just trying to help a friend who had problems, that is the kind of guy he is. And that is true, he does try to help people. But I felt that he was going too far, that this girl had family and long term friends in a better position to help her and she was looking at my husband as a knight in shining armor. When she found out I had seen the messages she asked if I was mad. I told him it was because she knew she had overstepped her bounds with a married man. He said he would back off on the friendship.

      A few months later he told me that some things were happening at work and he was messaging with this girl to try to figure them out. I was ok with it, until the messaging went on for more than an hour on a Friday night. Then about a month later she put up a post saying something about if your man is talking to another girl don't blame the girl. I took that one personal. Then he left his Facebook open again and I saw where he had messaged her on a Saturday morning that he had some free time and did she want to hang out. She couldn't, but she invited him to her birthday barbeque the following weekend. I kept waiting to see if he would mention it, but he never did. Then on Valentine's Day I got two texts from him while he was at work. She got 12 texts and 9 picture texts. I finally confronted him again, and he said that they were just pictures of her kid and our dog. Why does he need pictures of her kid? But she was fired by that time and in a new relationship, so I started to feel better.

      Then last weekend he got a text from a strange number on Thursday. There were a number of back and forth exchanges.There were more texts Friday. On Friday he was upset with me, so he got cleaned up and left the house for four hours. Immediately after he left he texted that number again several times, including a couple of picture texts. He doesn't know I monitor the phone activity. When I asked him if he had had plans he said no, he just went out to unwind from things. That number texted him the next morning, but he did not respond until Monday morning. There were a few texts back and forth, but nothing since.

      Today is Friday again. On Wednesday night, and again on Thursday night, there began to be a lot of text activity between him and a whole new number. I am talking about at least 50 texts each way each day. And there are some picture texts involved as well. I have no idea if this is a girl or guy, but I can't help but be hurt and suspicious. I am thinking of asking to look at his phone. I talk to guy friends, too, but most of them were friends from before I knew him, and never to this extent. I feel like it is cheating, but I know he will say it is not.

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      Jenny hibbert 5 years ago

      Its cheating

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      wonderingnow 5 years ago

      I recently re-connected with my high school sweetheart via Facebook and we have become friends again. I am divorced and single, but he is married. He texts me regularly. He's also sends me gifts. He told me his wife knows about me and our friendship and that he really wants to help me as I've had financial difficulties after the divorce. He claims his wife supports our friendship. I haven't seen the man in 20+ years and he lives far away, and I have no intention of seeing him or getting involved in a relationship. It's all friendly, like we're just friends, but it feels wrong somehow. After reading some of these, I am wondering. How can our friendship lead to anything good? I don't want to distress a family or a marriage. Am I reading too much into his texting me frequently?? Should I cut the friendship and stop texting him back??

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      Faby2012 5 years ago

      Hey everyone, I just spent time reading all of the logs here, it's bitter sweet, because it's sad to know so many of u are going to thru the exact same thing as me, and yet I feel comfort in knowing I'm not alone. My husband textes with girls he finds attractive too. I've never caught him cheating. It bothers me when he covers up his actions with lies, so I bugged his cell phone, now I can read all his text messages! Let me tell u all! Now I'm learning the truth!

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      sadwife 5 years ago

      I just found that my husband of almost 22 years has rediscovered his first love, and texted her and received texts 54 times since lunchtime yesterday. His phone calls to her almost broke up our relationship the first year we were dating, but he stopped and promised to never contact her again. Is this a mid-life crisis or should I be thinking of divorce? I looked her up and see that she's single

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      Jimbo 5 years ago

      blows my mind how he throws it in your face and denies things that you know. at least when my ex asked me questions i answered her honestly despite knowing she would leave me. since i posted that message about my story, i am trying my hardest to show her how much she means to me.

      I deleted my facebook, deleted my twitter, deleted about 100+ contacts from my phone AND got a new number. The relationship therapist and I now have an appointment for Friday morning. I quit smoking, drinking, and joined Planet Fitness. I also PRAYED, something I haven't done in years. I don't know if my ex will give me a 3rd chance, but I hope she does. Knowing there are guys out there that simply don't care and continue to maliciously hurt their loved ones gives me hope that I can be forgiven.

      As for your situation, obviously the trust issue is still daunting. I imagine my ex going through the same pain you are now, because she would continually tell me she never felt good, always wondering if I was texting girls again. Honestly, I only did it once, and she found out, and I am paying the price, but the constant mind fucking will definitely get to you.

      My question is how did he act during the week you took a break from him to collect your thoughts? Cause I can tell you right now my ex hasn't spoken to me since Saturday and I am losing my mind with out her. Hope this helps you

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      Anonymous 5 years ago

      I feel sick to my stomach right now and so lost! I have been with my Fiance for 4 years. When I met him I had an almost 2 years old daughter. I had been cheated on while I was 6 months pregnant and again at 8 months.......both times different women and both go pregnant. Needless to say I left that man and went on STRIKE from dating. He has never contacted me since....thank goodness. I started my own company and was a very successful single mommy who was independent. I met my Fiance while at a networking event and we both say that it was "instant" that we knew....the 1st date sealed the deal.

      After 4 months introduced him to my daughter.....who had never really been around a man.....apart from my family. They have been inseparable since. He has stepped up 100% and has become her Daddy in every way shape and form. She does not know he is not her Birth Father yet.

      We have faced many trials in our relationship.....my business got slow and he told me to take some time to enjoy my daughter before school started. I did.....but in the process have become financially dependent on him. His parents ended their 29 year marriage and his Father got re-engaged, his sister has her own world of drama she creates for everyone, we have dealt with my family and our issues, my needy mother who lived with us for a year and never chipped in, him dealing with shady business partners and the list goes on and on and on.......but we stayed strong through everything. We were a team and supported each other.

      We got engaged 2 years ago this July. We had been planning the wedding but so many obstacles came up and we just pushed it back.....6 weeks before the wedding....we pushed it back.

      Now here is where the issues lie. Last year he began hanging with an old friend that he has known since Jr, High. The friend was also engaged and his Fiance and I became VERY close. It was known that this friends cheated on his Fiance. My Fiance and I would talk about how disgusting it was every time we left them.

      In June of last year I noticed my Fiance acting different.....short with me and just off. While sitting on the couch late at night he had fallen asleep and left his phone on the coffee table. I was still watching the show when he got a text at 12:30 am from a "JUSTIN" that said something like "you are so funny ;) ;)" obviously not from a guy named "Justin" I opened it up and my heart felt like it was about to burst through my chest. There was a series of text back and forth....text with plans to meet, details about his life, things he did.....minus his family (my daughter and I). I saved her number and confronted him. He denied everything until I told him I saw it all. He then said it was nothing physical that he met her at a restaurant while at a business meeting. That she knew he was engaged and kept pursuing him. I told him I would be calling her and I did. They never met but she also said that she did NOT know he was engaged. He had even called her on MOTHERS DAY!

      That whole debacle ended and he had a lot of trust to earn back. I took a week away to collect my thoughts but for my daughters sake felt I needed to fight for us.

      In December he went out of town and stayed with one of his groomsman and his family. He was home 2 days later. Things seemed great between us but again on January 2nd.....3 months before our wedding date, I see a text come in that says "where did you go?" not much before that.....it had been deleted. I say her name though and went and googled her. She went to the same college as him....and lived where he just went for business. I played dumb and acted like she had requested to be my friend on Facebook. Asked if he knew her. He denied it......I questioned him again "oh....so you don't know her? should I not add her? strange why someone from ___ would request me.....I don't know her!" he then said he knew her way back in college. I asked if he had talked to her or run into her. he got irritated and said no. then i asked again....he said that he had run into her at a sushi bar with ____ when he was in ___. That she was on a date. It was no big deal! I asked if they had dated. He said yes that they were pretty serious in college (complete BS because I know who he dated in college and this chick has never been mentioned!) I called my GF......the Fiance of his friend who had been cheated on....she went to college with my Fiance. She clued me in and said this chick was a whore. slept with anything and everything in college....even slept with guys for money. Now I don't know if it got physical. He told me if I accepted her on Facebook he would leave me.

      He swore on his life nothing happened and it would never happen again. We started going to per-marital counseling and it seemed like things were getting better. The trust is a HUGE issue for me. He doesn't seem to understand why it is so big and why I cant just move forward

      Since we have postponed the wedding he has once again started acting mean and distant. I am not blind.....I see all the red flags.....but I am completely dependent on this man and my daughter is involved. If it weren't for her I would have left him LONG ago. I am working on making some money and have some good prospects. Last year my car broke and he sold his. We got a "Family" car which was "mine" and were getting him a "work" car which never happened. So having no car and no job is not easy.......I am stuck.

      He has been carrying his phone with him EVERYWHERE! It is never not by his side. I recognize this....I do. Today he left for work and forgot his phone. I went to see......just to see.....but to my surprise he has locked his screen with a password.....and not the password he normally uses. I instantly knew and I feel disgusted.

      I don't know what to do! Do I wait and bide my time until I have something to fall back on? Do I confront him? Do I keep my mouth shut?

      I feel sick!!!!!!!

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      Jimbo 5 years ago

      I have been dating a girl for 11 months. She is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Before her, I was 6 years single. And a heavy swinger at that. But when I met this girl, things were different. I actually had feelings for this one. But my swinger mentality remained. I never touched any other girls, but I had texted/fb/emailed sexual intentions to some. My girlfriend found out and was devastated. She dumped me and I found myself crying alone in my bedroom looking at pictures of her and I together and hating my life. I did everything in my power to receive forgiveness, and through her kindness it was granted. Earlier last week I ended up sending a fb message to 1 girl. My girlfriend found out again (both times other people telling her--I think of that as both good and bad. Bad in the sense of stay out of other people's private lives if it doesn't involve you, but good in the sense that I need to change and it has to take facing consequences to learn that.). She dumped me again and AGAIN I find myself crying and feel so alone. I love this girl. I KNOW I DO! I know I've made mistakes as well. But the way I feel with out her I know the love is real. But why do I continue to do these things to her? Break her innocent heart? I hate myself for what I've done, and I'll hate myself even more if we never get back together. I am meeting with a relationship therapist tomorrow, I plan on deleting my fb, getting a new one, and giving my ex-girlfriend the password. I don't know what else to do. I feel I have exceeded my chances and there's no hope.I get so upset thinking of how hurt she is. I am extremely regretful of my actions. Do you think I am on the right path to try and change myself before I ask for forgiveness? Maybe this isn't the right thread to ask for advice on the issue (because I am the one doing the hurting) but I'm reaching out to anyone and everything to help fix this. Thank you for reading my story.

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      curiouscat 5 years ago

      My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We like to work out, but because of scheduling conflicts we don't work out at the same time. We share what goes on at the gym, who we see, our workouts, etc.

      I recently found out that he has a female workout "partner". He has NEVER mentioned this woman when he speaks of the gym. It turns our that they also work together. He said they just happen to do the same workouts and since it's a small gym, they end up sharing areas/ equipment.

      Because this was such a secret, I decided to check his cell phone use. Which, by the way, has always been a big privacy thing for him. (he says I'm too nosy and treat him like a child) I found MANY texts per day, some into the night for months. Even a few on Christmas Day and when I was out of town.

      I confronted him and asked if he was texting his workout partner... he said no. When I told him not to lie to me, he said he wasn't. His jaw dropped when I told him I checked the usage and it showed otherwise. In fact, he was texting within the minutes before and after I confronted him.

      I called her to confirm and ask if there was more to the workout/ text relationship that I should know about. She assured me that there wasn't. She assured me that her husband knew all about it and asked me not to drag him into it. Kind of a weird request if he knows all about it... She texts from two different numbers~ I'm guessing the work cell and home cell. I've often wondered if I should provide a copy to him of the amount of texts his wife made with my husband.

      They both claim all texts were either about workouts ("LET'S do this tomorrow") or about work issues/ drama. My problem is that I was left in the dark so that I didn't get mad. He deleted all of her texts, but left mine and his family's undeleted.

      Since my disapproval has been made clear, there are no more texts. They still go to the gym at the same time, but he says they do not speak to each other and they still work together.

      I am trying to get over this. My husband and I have started making one night a week be a date night. He understands that I am very sensitive to any contact he has with her, so I hope he will let me in on it.

      My concern is this~ Is he just getting smarter about how to get it past me? Will he buy a special phone to text with her? Do people think I am a jealous freak?

      any comments with points-of-view would be great...

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      Petrus 5 years ago

      Hi My wife and i got married in September last year. a week ago I had to use her phone as mine had no airtime. She gave me the phone before finding the number that i need to text.

      This made me susicious and i looked at her BBM Black Berry Messenger) finding a message from a male friend of hers that she found on Facebook.

      Asking her what was going on she replied that he had asked her if he could chat to her on facebook and she agreed only if things do not get out of hand.

      One thing lead to another and they ended up exchanging numbers and BBM pins.

      Initially he was a shoulder to cry on.

      This all started in Jan this year, 4 months after our marriage.

      By the time I found out she was emotionally involved with this who is also married.

      I am defastated. I never belived or had any doubt that my wife would want to do something like that. I now find it extremely hard to understand why and blame myself for trusting her so much.

      She has told me that she loves me and wants to be with me forever. She also told me that she never thought this would happen to her.

      I do hope that i will be able to truxt her again. It hurts finding out these things.

      Sexting is cheating - cause believe me sooner or later they will find a why to be toegether.

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      Bob 5 years ago

      I recently found out my girlfriend (who is pregnant) has been texting her ex boyfriend for a long time behind my back, we agreed a long time ago that ex partners can only complicate a relationship and so we would not text them. Since that conversation I have cut all ties with my ex and done my part to now find out that she has continued.

      What makes things worse is that I'm made to feel like the bad guy because I looked at her itemised bill and noticed all these texts. She says she can't trust me and that I've hurt her for looking! WHAT ABOUT ME?

      now I do agree that when a person looks through private things of your partners you do not trust them fully otherwise you would not be looking and I admit that all her suspicious activity and blatant secrecy with her phone did make me paranoid.

      Am I the bad person for looking through her private mail to find something or is she the bad one for texting behind my back and lying to me for so long??

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      sherry 5 years ago

      My husband has a history of cybering with up to 20 different girls at a time. he's also gone back to all of his exes at least twice and he's cheated on all of them. he hasn't physically cheated on me, but he's cybered. Most of them i was able to get over because he stopped them before they got to graphic, but I was just in the hospital. he was sitting by my bed holding my hand talking to this girl. and i knew it was a girl but he kept lying and telling it was a guy from high school. the night i got out of the hospital, i texted her pretending to be him and found out where she lived, her name, and i found a picture of her that he saved on his phone. i told her never to contact him again and she hasn't since. i asked him why he kept her picture in his phone and he said it was because he liked to have a picture in his head when he thought about her. i assume that means he was fantasizing about her even though he denys that. i've let go of everything else in the past, but him doing this while i was in the hospital is extremely hard to let go

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      Idiot 5 years ago

      I have just spent the past 2 and a bit hours reading the entire list of comments on this page and understanding just how much hurt can be caused by texting/messaging etc whilst in a relationship.

      I am 21 and have been with my beautiful girlfriend for 14 months. We were friendly before hand and met at work. Our relationship developed and she left her boyfriend of 5 years to be with me, despite a small break in between. After about 6 month she moved into my place and we set up our home together. She has recently found conversations on my phone to other girls, some flirtations others slightly more sexual. None of the conversations have lasted more than 10/15 minutes or been in depth 'sexting' for the matter. Whilst none of the previous is an excuse i just wanted to clarify my position. I have been honest with her after she confronted my about then and as much as i'd like to try i cant find a reason to explain them away, im am deeply in love with her, she is perfect in every way imaginable. At present we are both emotional wrecks, im devastated to see her so hurt, betrayed and upset knowing that i have thrown away the best relationship i have ever had. She tells me she loves me and but doesn't know if you can work things out with me after all of this.

      I am beside myself with worry and im so scared of loosing her, whilst i should have thought of this at the time, it seemed so fleeting that it wasn't an issue and wouldn't cause hurt, something i now know to be oh so wrong.

      Can anyone please advise me on how they have managed to overcome these issues if possible. I love her more than anything and loosing her would would be the worst thing imaginable. We had started to get back on track, we drew a line under it all until she went through a very old phone and looked at previous messages, some before we had even met and she didn't like them either. Now i feel i have lost her for good this time. Im agreeing i was wrong, wanting to change and i know i was stupid. I want to prove to her that i can change and that i WILL.

      Please help????

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      Author

      4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas

      Alyssa,

      I think you need to get a new boyfriend and best friend. They don't sound like they care much about you. Don't accept the way they are treating you. Just because you're young doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be treated with respect. Find a better friend and certainly a better boyfriend.

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      Author

      4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas

      Lisa...if he's just your boyfriend and already treating you like that...it WILL happen again. Trust your feeling and move on. You will find someone who wants just you!

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      Candy 5 years ago

      On my fiancé 30th birthday i went through his phone he left on the bed. He had several messages to his ex, a co-worker a two other women from work . All messages were of sexual nature. He tells me he did not have sex with them. But clearly his messages are sexual content back and forth a month after we got engaged. I tried to forgive him but can't . I can't trust him and the relationship everyday is deteriating. I never cheated in him but now it doesn't even make a difference. I tell him. There is nothing

      Left I offered to give his ring back , he didn't take it . I feel that there are other men out there that I never gave a chance to that would love me and respect me more than him. It's hard to move on but each day I grow further apart even by keeping in touch with him. Everyday I read the texts as I took pics of them and each day I hate him more . Eventually I will get over him and move on with life

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      Lisabrokenheart 5 years ago

      It is happened to me as well, my BF has been chatting on yahoo with several ex girlfriends many just casual but there's been to the quest for naked pictures and it's vincent. He's talked about private parts of your body and how he misses them. No w promises it will never happen again and he is broke contact for these women. So hard to want to trust him. I have another male friend tell me I was okay because it's kind of like watching a porn. I even told him I would try to forgive him that we could move on and be happy. After reading all these comments I think it'll just happen again

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      Alyssa 5 years ago

      Hi, I've seen your page and I see u have answers a lot of questions my point is I need help too . I'm kind of young and I'm new art the hole dating thing.my bc and my best friend talk like everyday and once they were talking about if me and him broke up. And it want like oh I would be so sad it was like oh I would go out with you. I from trusted him that ou

      t was nothing but e he has been keeping secrets

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      Red25 5 years ago

      I have just found out that my Wife of 10 years has been texting another man for over 3 months. She met him when working and she has text him over 300 times.

      Its the times she is doing it, when I am away on business, at work, when she is out with friends, NYE etc etc. Sometimes 15 to 20 times a day when I am not around.

      I have confonted her and she has said it was nothing, just texts at it meant nothing. If that is the case why did she keep it a secret, never mention him and only do it when I am not around.

      She has promised never to text again and to delete number but I am still finding it difficult to accept. She won't tell me who he is or anything about what they text each other. She just says it was not anything, no details and thats what I am struggling to believe.

      I need to know who it is for my peace of mind and whilst she won't tell me I feel she is still hiding something. I feel hurt, angry and not really sure what to do...

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      mala 5 years ago

      back i feel so stupid for ever believing hes lies,i guess the sane is true love is blind.hears the story we meet a year and a half ago threw his cuz, my friend we hit it off right away after a few months i fell in love with im and he told me he loved me first,any we moved in together.after a while.i i relize he been going threw my phone asking me who is this guy who is that and stared listenning to my messages i confronted him about it and ask him what are you looking for im not doing any thing wrong.i only have one male frind that i talk to that i known for 10 years and i never flirt with him or any thing i have no form of atraction to that person i even asked if he would like to meet him or talk to him buut he didnt want to.but any way he stared acusing me of cheating on him with him my frind and it hurted because i wasnt. it was like he was trying to look for an excuse for somthing.so i stared investigating him because i started to feel somthing was wrong.i found out his password to his gmail.guess what i found a girl was sending him video messages of her striping for him geing fully naked.i confronted him he says he new this girl from a program he was in and one day he said she had a surprise and that was it.so why keep it?.he later deleted it.that began my trust issue with him.then i notice he stared taking his phone with him were ever he goes he even sleeps with it.so i investigate.i checked his phone a few time he deletes all the numbers from his call box and all the messeges he sends.but one day he didnt and he been talking and texting this girl name sasha as soon as i leave for work or evey time he goes to the store for a lucy(cigarette).any way i confronted him abut it he says he known her from high school and he found out she was in the shelter and he wanted if she was ok i didnt make a big deal about it untill i saw she sent him a picture with her half naked i confronted he erase it.any way two months later we are 7 month in our so called relationship his cuz died i was ther for him being suportive but he stared doing disapearing acts i hardly saw him for 2 weeks he says he was staying with his bro to help each other threw this cuz he was feeling sad and depress i falt somthing was wrong so i found out the pass word to his facebook and i found out he cheated on me.he wrote to one of his friends( this shit is crazy i cant belive i got her last night,i feel bad now. and his friend says why its just sex,did she scream your name. he says no but she did scream though right right i might go hit that again)my sanity disapeared that day and i got into a physical fight with him.any way he beg for forgivness i eventually gave him another chance and a few monts later i found out he got oovoo i found out the password to that and he been video chatting girls at night when im gone one he wanted to take to dinner one he told another girl he wanted to have sex with her another which was sasha he told her he wanted to be with her etc ther is so much to this story i cant write it all but i confronted him about it and he says it was just harmless talking they mean nothing im being jelious and that he just like fucking with there heads at that point i said f u i dont want to be with u i kicked him out.i was so madly in love with him that i didnt want to believe that he wound do that but life is short dont waste your time dont make the same mistake i did.now i never been happier

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      confused 5 years ago

      so i have a question. My bf always shows me love and affection and has changed so many things to be with me. we were friends for bout 10 years before ever getting together. once we got together we immediately moved in together which he had never lived with a gf before. He had the bachelor life no rules tons of freedom and girls pretty much whatever he wanted. we had some problems with his ex in the beginning with him texting and messaging n im pretty sure he met her a couple times but since i found out about that he swears he hasnt talked to her and i snoop alot and havent found anything and weve been good and together for 8 months.but yesterday i find a naked pic sent to him in his email from a girl we both know....i confronted him and he said yes he did ask her to send it hes never messed with her and they only chat sometimes. Hes not txting all the time and hes not on fb all the time. He says guys do stupid stuff sometimes its just in them but that he hasnt cheated on me or touched anybody. im mad and hurt. is this normal for guys to do cuz they get bored as long as they dont ttouch?

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      Take it or Leave it 5 years ago

      Okay a little drunk so I think I'm willing to share. But I think it is a little more intense than texting....I willl try to start at the begining and not bore people with to many descriptions.

      I met my husband in 2004 I was a young girl at the time doing a lot of drugs and I met a girl who's dad owned a liqure store so I was inadvertently dating that girl cause I was fd up. It turns out that she was married and dating people(boys and girls) she met on the internet. I finally sobered up and left a month or so later her husband started calling me and after a year and a half later we married. I became a respectable woman who stood by her man...all was good until May 2010 I found out that he had been online with the company ashley maddison to have an affair with other pervs since Feb 2010. I found out by picking up his phone and a message was on there waiting to be opened. Me and a lottttttt of booze confronted him he said it was because I worked to much at different hours so he thought he was neglected - I worked by the way for a non-profit agency for DD adults as a supervisor in a group home and I was on call 24-7-365. No kidding it was a real strain on us but he said that he would stop what he was doing and he understood what I did for work was better for the greatter good for everyone. July came around and I felt he had not changed his ways cuz I kept finding texts. He told me he could not cancel the account and it was sending them to him without his permission. So in my mind I said BS and made out with his BF to get back at him. I told him the very next day what happened, afterall I wasn't trying to cheat but get back at him. Come Sept. he was still off the hinges with me saying how awful my behavior was, but not saying any of this to his friend that I made out with. So I did it again. After the first time I thought he would be jealous instead of calling me scandoulous. It certinaly did not improve our relationship but we was making our way through. He hurt his back and became addicted to pills and a half gallon of vodka a day. I almost left him but I had never been married before and he and I have a lot in common so I stayed. As soon as he had his surgery he quit the pills. I went though several more months of being torn between work and home. I left work in Aug 2011 to become a housewife to start a family. I then have found him talking to women on facebook that he claims to be his friends ex, and the messages says that she was the one that got away and she needed to bring her game back. In Dec. he frenched an 8 mile lookin skank at the local bar. On New Years he put tequila in his mouth and put in the mouth of a double skank that happened to be our friends mom! The last two indiscretions happened right in front of me and witnesses. He appologized and said he was drunk. I've been livid since and not a week goes by without me bringing it up. Now he is blaming it on me not working. So a woman a few years younger but not hotter that used to work for me was on hard times and needed to stay with us. On a Wednesday he was trying to f her. I fought with him about the other things he had recently done in front of my face like I didn't matter and that it was not going to happen again. Well... come Saturday I still didnt matter and he was trowin his d*ck out there and I finally said do what you want to do. Well he did and said it was my fault for it happining. Oh yeah and he was drunk again....so was I. He still wants to stay together and it is my first mariage, my family really likes him and we still do have a lot in common except for I would like us to have boundries and grow up. He says he understands this but it seems like he is giving lip service in more ways than one. I will be 33 this summer and I feel to old to start over. Neither one of us has kids and when I left my job he told everyone we know that we was going to now I feel like a chump like he now has the power to use me and only shows me attention when I'm on the verge of leaving. BTW he will be 40 and we are upper middle class. I feel rediculous going through this at our age. If there is any advice I would appriciate it but I know if it makes you just sit back and say its a lost cause I understand that too.

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      sadk 5 years ago

      My spouse kept texting a friend "I love you. I miss you. I can't wait to see you." They work in the same building. She swears it was just friendship. I met the person and the day I did she told me that she loved me. Actually she said it to me a couple of times. In 20 or 30 texts there was nothing sexual. Just, "I miss you babe, can't wait to see you. I love you..." Somehow I believe there was nothing sexual going on, but it still hurt so very much and still does. Spouse told her I felt it was disrespectful and they had to stop texting that way. Again, it still hurts so much that spouse took the time to write that to her. We're all women, if this doesn't seem to make sense.

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      Tangos231 5 years ago

      Just want to give an update about my situation. First, I want to thank you for your advice 4tsom10. It was the only thing that calmed me down and made me think. We had a long talk yesterday and my wife seem very ashamed for what she did. She gave up another facebook and email account that I didn't know existed. We talked about the problem and shared our feelings. She said she wants to work things out and was willing to forget about the guy. She was willing to quit her job and move to a different state. She gave me a very detail plan on how she will accomplish this and set up rules and boundaries for work.

      I thought about how we came to this situation and why it happened. I thought about the good times we had and compared it to this one incident and the good outweigh the bad. I realized that it takes 2 people to have a problem. I think I can trace some of the blame back to myself. Women are much more emotional than men and will seek it if they are lacking it from their man. Most men seek physical attraction and will cheat if they don't get the required amount. Because we had been together for so long (going on 15 years now) we had fallen into a pattern and I may have started to neglect some of her emotional needs and I think she was finding it from her coworker. She told me that sometimes I don't make her feel special or I don't complement her as much any more.

      I can not divorce her because it was partly my fault that I had driven her to do the things she did. We are now trying to work things out and trying to revive that spark that brought us together in the first place. I'm learning that marriage is a work in progress and has to be upkeep in order for it to work. I want to thank you again for your advice.

      To all the others that had been cheated on, think about what is lacking in your relationship. Are you missing an emotional aspect or a physical? Maybe you just need to complement them or tell them you love them. Maybe you've gain a little weight and deep down it's bothering him/her. Just a reminder to women that men also need emotional support. Don't be fool by his macho wall that he puts up. In this society men are taught to be strong and not cry.

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      Allikins784 5 years ago

      I find myself to some degree backed against the wall. My boyfriend and I have been together now for 2 years. We both seem to have veryhigh hopes for our future together....though the past few months Ihave seen a side of him I was not expecting. He and I have sex everyday together, it is not as though he or I are deprived in any way. We try new things, definately keep things interesting...though he has averted his attention in other places too. He is Brazilian, and not to generalized but based on all he has told me his culture is very comfortable with sex. Many, not all but many are premiscuous. He has been speaking inappropriateky with women oline....some from Brazil. His arguement is that they are so far away and nothing will come of it. I have explained my thoughts and what my boundaries are so many times but he seemed almost completely void to it. He doesnt seem to understand. And i know this is something that has definately been happenign the entirty of our relationship but i was just ignorant toit all until about 6 months ago. I am certain he loves me very much, so very much. He has sacrificed a lot for me, as i for him, in the short time we have been together....oh and did I mention we are expecting. It was not planned but we are oth thrilled! I just dont know what to do or say anymore. I am ot what you woukd call a traditional woman in that i too am always interest in extra fun, but as i have said to him,private conversations crosses the line for me! If we are sharing experiences that is one thing, but if he is in any way intimate with another person....well that is too far.....on one hand I feel he is completely enamoured of me and on the other hand, I feel disrespected and lonely :(

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      GoCat666 5 years ago

      I met my childhood sweetheart from infant school after years apart. We got together Sept 2009, he moved in Dec 2009, we just celebrated 1 year anniversary and I found out he'd been texting a mutual school friend who was his fiancé when he was 19. Being 38 and more mature I invited her to do my waxing and nails for my wedding last year. His previous marriage of 15 years involved 2 affairs that were known about. There have been trust issues between us since he started keeping his phone glues to his hip and changing his phone account password. The thing is he always thought I was up to no good but he would check my phone, where I was who I was with times places you name it. Even a control freak at home, getting funny about seeing my friends and family, yet I welcomed his 10 yr old into our home. Well apart from that he spoilt me for my

      Birthday/ wedding anniversary and any gifts he always got me

      were thrown back in my face which completely took away any

      love or care by which the gift was given. Turns out after a row, he said one of my so called friends offered him friends with 'benefits' and he thought I'd set up a honey trap. By my reaction he knew I had no idea about it. By a fluke, I logged into to his phone bill. No fewer than 28 texts on new years eve whilst he was working. During January another 100 + texts to this 'friend' . She once told me after her and her hubby separated he would rathe have a sex buddy so to me I believed there was some truth to it. He denied anything further than texting went on. She also denied the 'benefits' offer. Since viewing the bill as time went along, more recent texts appeared to numbers I did not

      Recognise. Turns out it was an old flame from when he was married. The day after out anniversary she and he became friends in Facebook. I said I wast comfortable with it and he got angry. Guilt talking. However, before that fb encounter, he has text her number a dozen times at a time always when he was in duty. What a fool I feel. I do not know how far things went but for him to be on MY case every 5 minutes, down to what I spend makes me WILD with anger. He always said he would never cheat and when given the 'if te shoe was in the other foot' he would be mad as a madman on madman pills! I have told him to get out ASAP. All he wants to know is if he can have the car which my business owns. He slagged me off sayin I didn't have a proper job and that he was sick of paying bills when I had a low income. Yet he was happy to bleed the business for trips away and fuelling his tips to work etc. I gave him all I had and I really thought he would be my future. I guess once a cheat always a cheat. Evn his ex wife warned me about his ways. I feel so hurt and alone. I am trying to be strong but I feel empty and used beyond what my heart is capable of dealing with. Why why why??! I love him still and we had suh good times. He made out he'd always loved me since our 4 year relationship at junior school. I was so proud to be his wife now I feel a fool. Luckily no kids but that was my future now taken away. I'm 39. I don't know how I can trust anyone again. he was my true love. So so so sad and heartbroken.

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      lotus34 5 years ago

      I have been married for 10 months but soon after my marriage i found that my husband is talking sex to other girls not only this text messages on sex and girls also sending their nude pictures on his mobile. he even set passcode on his cellular phone at night he dint allow me to come in room without knocking door . He say he wants privacy and privacy from me. He even till now didnt any physical relation with me. If ask he said he wants to settle things . I dont understand what the relation between making physical relation with me and settling things. He got all time to send sex message to other girls and those girls who never meet him in real. He said my friends more important and he even said that he give me everything but not to stop him from talking to other girls. I am really sad dont know what to do please suggest

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      imanidiot 5 years ago

      Read your comment about texting and cheating and wanted to offer my prospective from the other side.

      My girlfriend claims that I'm shady. Questions why I clear my cookies and search history (purely for anti-virus reasons) and that I close my facebook messages when she's walking around (I do tend to alt tab alot between games and facebook).

      Yesterday, she went through my phone for what she claims was the first time since we started dating a year ago. She found one set of texts to two different girls that I've known for a while but have no dating/romantic involvement history with.

      The first set of texts was to "A" in the basics of which I asked for nudes in what I intended and assumed was perceived as a joking manner. I nor "A" traded in pictures of any sort.

      The second set of texts was to "D" and the context of the conversation was me telling her a silly pick up line that I'd heard on television.

      I realize that sending the texts was not only disrespectful and rude. Not only to my girlfriend who has been committed to me since we started dating but to my friends as well.

      I've been trying to be open and honest with her, as forth coming as possible that there was nothing else besides the two sets of texts, but she's convinced that there was more.

      I know it's her choice to stay or to go. I really want her to know that I love her, and that I want to be with her only. She is so hurt, however, I might not get that chance.

      So my question I suppose is what do I do from here on out?

      I've deleted and erased every conversation I've ever had with anyone and cleared out my facebook friends. I've stopped and gotten rid of pornography on my computer. I've started devoting as much time as I can into our relationship being open and transparent. I do not wish to give the appearance of impropriety.

      The most I feel like I can do is to try and keep making myself a better person. She's convinced that people do not change.

      What more can I do? I know it will take time to heal her broken heart. I've simply been giving her space to assess if she wants to reconcile. I've been there if she asks for something, been trying to be considerate and attentive. I don't wish for these traits to fade, I do want to move forward. I regret hurting her, so much but I have no recourse other than to let her make a decision about what she wants to do. Today, we've not kissed, but exchanged hugs and "I love you's". Hoping it works out for the best.

      A few more questions, if you'd like to answer. I'd appreciate your prospective.

      Does intimacy involve setting ground rules for what is and isn't private? (This question always seems to come up when matters like this occur).

      What should I do about the trust violation that she committed by invading my privacy?

      Is it still my privacy when the account is not shared?

      I haven't made mention of any of this. If I was trying to hide something from her, I would have deleted it or put a password on my phone.

      The long and the short of it to me is that, I should always have her in the fore front of my decisions, she is my equal, she is my partner, and a part of me. What's mine is her's and her's is mine?

      Thanks

      -J

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      kristhy27 5 years ago

      A couple of months ago I found out my husband was texting his ex girlfriend right before we go marry! He had text her very sexual and appropriate things when I confronted him he said he was not cheating on me that the only reason he did that was to pretty much just get it out of his system and he never meant for it to get out of line like it did..he apologize so many times but now am always thinking his going to continue or fall into the same thing again! Am not sure what to do, I feel like it its done once it can happen again? Is texting an ex when your committed to someone else cheating?can people really change?

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      4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas

      Tangos,

      I'm so sorry to hear about your experience but I'm glad that you had your evidence together before confronting her about it. As you stated, she looked you in the eyes and denied and lied about everything, hoping that you would believe her. I'm glad that you stood your ground. I know how that hurts to have someone that you trused your life with look and completely lie to you. You won't know if she had sex with this person unless she comes right out and admits to it, but if this has been going on for a year now and they work together, the odds are not good...in your favor. Simply stated, if she wanted to be with you...she would have and not turned to someone else. I can't tell you what to do as you need to soul seach this yourself. You just found out about this, so really think this over with your head and not just your heart. I hope that everything works out for you and know that you will be ok no matter what the outcome. If you can, keep us posted.

      Tina

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      Tangos231 5 years ago

      Just found out on Valentine's day that my wife had been sex texting and sending nude pictures a co-worker from her work place for over a year now. We were high school sweethearts and had been together for over 10 years now. I trusted her so much that I never looked into any of her social media and email accounts. Before I confronted her I dug up all the info I can about him, phone records, and even broke into her secret email accounts. When I confronted her she denied everything. She gave me a made up story of how he lives in a different state and they had only been texting for about a month and so on and had discovered him on facebook. Of course I already knew the real info and to see her lie to me looking straight into my eyes and swearing to her mother's grave I was heart broken. So as I reveled a little more of the secret emails, she began to give a little more detail but yet still denies it. After a long 3 hour talk to try to get her to tell the truth, I relieved everything I knew and she finally told me they work together and had been having this relationship for more than a year. I felt like my world had ended. I gave her everything and paid for it all even if it meant that I went into debt. I asked her if they had sex within this time and she denied it but admitted that she had been considering it. When I asked her why she did it she only repeated "I Don't Know" and nothing else. What should I do at this point? Do I believe her that they never had sex? I am so ready to file the divorce papers because I feel like I can't trust her anymore. She said she only wants to be with me and she'll stop her relationship with him but admitted that if I never caught it she wouldn't know when she would stop the relationship with him. He is married with 2 kids so I threaten to bring it up with his wife but yet she tries to protect him and said to leave her out. This is my first marriage and I had never felt so betrayed. Your advice would be appreciated.

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      jemanigh 5 years ago from OKC, OK

      I too find myself holding in a lot of bitterness and anger ... it's like a blister ... I let it fester and fester until it pops!

      I just want to be able to trust him. I don't feel at this moment that I have any stability in this relationship ...

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      AS 5 years ago

      My hubby and I have been married for 3 years,but we have been together for 8 years we share beatiful kids together. I trusted him with all my heart. Last year my supicions or call it 6th sense caused me to go thru his phone, i found a love peom that he sent to a co-worker. The return email from her was that she was not interested as he was a married man!!. When I confronted him he told me that it was just flirting, all men do it !!!but she neva returned the same. He promised that he will neva do it again, but (other emails)cute animals ect. are sent to and from her on a regular basis apart from the normal chitchat via email. I still don't trust him and feel betrayed in some way. Not sure how to get rid of this bitterness and anger. I find myself now wanting to go thru his phone and emails regularly. Although nothing is going on as he says !!! but my curiosity is getting the best of me. I wonder what were his intentions if she returned the flirting ?

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      jemanigh 5 years ago from OKC, OK

      I found out my boyfriend is doing the same thing to me ... I confronted him and he accused me of getting into his email accounts ... hello ... I can barely work a remote much less hack an email ... but I have been sitting next to him and a text has come thru and whadaya know ... it's either an explicit text or pic ... I also saw him sign in to a few sites that he said he had gotten rid of ... then turned it around on me and said you are still on there ... well, in reality (and he knows this) I had re-signed up to see if he was still there and when I saw that he was I just kept my profile until he deleted his ...

      I love this man more than anything, just not sure where to go from here ....

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      Jessie 5 years ago

      Life is too short to be unhappily married to someone - or someone who you realised too late was wrong for you!

      Be honest please!

      No marriage is happily ever after and it is delusional to think they are and if one spouse us unhappy this kinda thing can happen!

      Unfortunately men are not upfront and if they think they can get away with it, they will!

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      lightgal 5 years ago

      I really feel that it is inappropriate for a married person to have a texting relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Even if it is not of a sexual nature, it is still wrong because everything starts somewhere and this could easily progress onto sexting and then meetings, etc. If you are married then there is absolutely NO good reason to have a texting relationship going on. It only serves as a starting point and I also learned the hard way that social media can have the same purpose. I started to see my husband becoming too interested in other women on facebook and I quickly ended that by deleting both of our fb accounts (which he suggested)and I can't believe how some other women try to go for married men..No morals at all. Life is too damn short for that BS!

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      Other Woman 5 years ago

      Hi,

      I agree with what you have said.

      A couple of years ago I would never imagined I would be in the position I am now but it is what it is.

      I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do and that is probably the key to all these stories. We are dealing with emotions and the mind is affected by them. All people whether make or female have needs. Most people unfortunately do not understand the complexities of why they need what they do and all people live in delusion until they wake up and honestly face what they need.

      I will suggest here that you don't believe in soulmates etc, because you have been hurt and it is hard for anyone to accept that it could be true coming from a place of hurt.

      Interestingly I have been married and can honestly say that I have never felt my husband ways soulmate - despite being married to him for over 25 years. We had a good relationship and we just grew apart. We both knew this to be the truth. We are still friends but I will never ever entertain an emotional relationship with him again.

      Even tho we all have similar issues, make no mistake, emotions and how we handle them and act out because of them has nothing to do with the mind.

    • 4tsom10 profile image
      Author

      4tsom10 5 years ago from Texas

      Hello...

      I haven't read my comments for a while, but from all the messages...we are all so screwed up! I'm glad that my post has received a lot of comments. This is such a difficult topic and so many people and marriages/relationships have been affected so badly by texting. I have had readers send me direct emails because they just found out that their partners are cheating and they don't know what to do. I've had people comment that were/are the "other person" and they believe they are "soul mates" and that the husband or wife cheating will leave their spouse and they will live happily every after...which is the craziest thing I have ever read. Maybe they will live happily ever after...if they blindfold and lock the person up! Other People...if you have a past boyfriend/girlfriend that you have been thinking about and you want to know how they are doing... Don't friend request them or email them. You don't want to just be friends and catch up on old times......JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE!Join a dating service if you're lonely. Find someone that isn't in a relationship.

      From my horrible experience came a lot of good and bad. The bad is that I no longer believe in "soul mates" which is sad. We grow up watching shows where love prevails and the show ends and we expect that the couple grow old and die together. I'm sad for my daughters and all daughters for that matter because very few will ever find true monogamous love. The good that I learned is that I have become stronger, less naive, more independent and best of all, I trust in my intuition and know that if anything bad happens to me again, I will be fine. I am still married, we just celebrated our 22nd anniversary and we still love each other. We talk about what happened every so often and it still brings me to tears. I think it always will and he tells me that what happened is the biggest regret of his life. I hope that is true. We have moved on but it has been the hardest thing I have ever dealt with and the "what if's" will always be in the back of my mind. Love sucks and Love is great all at once, but what I know now is that you have to do what is best for you and no one else. Good Luck to everyone and I wish all find your inner peace.

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      Other woman 5 years ago

      Hi Nichole,

      In reply to your question:

      From what I know their marriage is dead and it is only a matter of time before it ends. I don't think he ever intended to hurt her but now he has to deal with it all the same. I stay out of it, I do not pressure him about it. I know it's hard for both of them and I do not wish her prolonged heartache. I know she hates me but there's nothing I can do about it. I dont blame her really.

      She has told him never to contact me again but he will not stay away for long. He is now trying to do the right thing and wind up his marriage before coming to me and that's ok with me.

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      Nichole 5 years ago

      Other Woman,

      Thank you for the advice as odd as it may be coming from an "other woman". I have always been very direct and honest. I'm working on figuring out what i want... I want someone as committed to love and family as I am. I guess we will see if my husband is that man or not. I'm not worried about him wanting to stay; he has made it very clear that this other woman is not worth losing me or his family over. He called a counselor and we are meeting him next week.

      Question: Has your married man left his wife and worked things out with you? Do you think he will, honestly?

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      Other woman 5 years ago

      Hi Nichole,

      Even tho I have been on the other end of this, i can tell you from experience: do not compete with her. Because what he will not tell you is that men do it because they like variety. There are still things he loves about you so do not change anything about yourself. Doing so makes it look like you are not good enough when in fact you are.

      Also I know that altho you are hurting from his behavior do NOT rag on him constantly. It just makes him move further away from you.

      If you all wish to stay married after something like this, you must find it in yourself to forgive and in doing this, he will stay.

      You give him an ultimatum and he will go.

      Once caught they know they have done wrong - even if they will not admit it - from the way you react. Yes, get angry but do not lose your head. Sort out what u really want and if it's him, live, learn and forgive.

      If you cannot do this, then kick him to the kerb but only if it's what you really want.

      YOU make the choice don't let him make it. If he wants to stay and u want it too then work together and find some common ground.

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      Nichole 5 years ago

      I recieved an e-mail alert that my husband had gone over his texting plan last month. I immediately had a horrible feeling and sure enough when i checked the current usage my fears were confirmed. I saw a number repeated over and over again. I found out that this number belonged to a female co-worker. I called my husband and told him not to delete his texts because i wanted to read them. When i got home he had deleted some of the text messages. If there was nothing going on like he of course claimed then why the need to delete anything. I really can't believe I'm having to deal with this. I have never felt so alone and betrayed. I turned into psycho Bitch and found out that this woman is younger and pretty...i just had a baby 5 months ago (i can't compete with that). I'm a good wife...I work hard and I'm very supportive of my husband. He doesn't want to lose me or the kids but how do you recover from broken trust?

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      Other Woman 5 years ago

      I should point out that we have adult children who no longer rely on us for support.

      The other man does not and cannot have any children with his partner.

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      Other Woman 5 years ago

      I had to post....would

      Like to offer another perspective to this horrible topic.

      I met the other man when we were 7yrs old. We watched

      Each other grow and he asked

      Me out when we were

      16. It was sweet and innocent

      and he didn't make

      A move...he was shy.

      We went out of

      Each Others lives and

      Married other people but he was always in my heart....first love and all.

      Anyway I found him

      By accident on fb. I did not go looking for him..we met again on a relatives page while posting comments.

      I sent him an invite....I was happy to talk to him and

      Catch up on what we had both been doing since losing contact.

      We got on really well and it wasn't long before he asked

      If he could call me. I gave him my number. Didn't think there was anything wrong with it.

      I really don't know how or when it started but we were talking every day. Then he told me one day he had texted me approx

      4,000 Times in the past two months! I had no idea that we were getting involved. It

      Just happened.

      It really was innocent at first. Then he upped the ante and

      Confessed that he regretted not

      Getting with me when we were

      16.

      I was so naive! I didn't realise

      we were getting into something

      wrong. All I knew is that the boy I had always loved had come

      back and we liked each other

      and he seemed like talking and

      being with me.

      Anyway we fell....very deeply. It was so potent at first no one else existed in our world.

      We never meant to hurt our partners. The emotional pull was

      Incredibly strong and the following sexual pull also unbelievable. He is my soulmate

      And even tho we aren't

      Together, we will always have a bond that cannot be broken.

      Like I said, we never meant to hurt anyone but I guess

      We wore rose Colored glasses.

      My partner knew and said as long as I didn't sleep with the other man it was ok for me to talk to him. Asked me if I could

      Find room in my heart to share

      It with both of them. How can He ask that!

      The other mans partner wasn't so nice about it. She caught us and yes she made him give me up. I don't blame her but what can I do about it.

      I know we are not over. I'm not sure what will happen with them

      but she's crazy for thinking he will stay away from me.

      He can't.

      He won't.

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      pixie 5 years ago

      I Hate His/Her Ex is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships - brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores - Download from Amazon or buy it on paperback!

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      Ed 5 years ago

      Im sorry all,I have just been going through this myself,my wife of 10yrs has been doing this texting with a co-worker for the past month.I just asked her about it and she said the co-worker had a breakup with a girlfriend and they were just talking {comforting}..I had to laugh a little because i asked why not just call each other?she couldnt explain that,I tell you when you have a gut feeling,go with it,i found out because the phone company kept calling about the bill,so i went on there to figure why it was so high.I thought they texted to try and hide what they were doing...

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      lonely in ohio 5 years ago

      please bear with me as this is difficult. recently i suspected my wife, of 7 years to be texting an awful lot. i checked my bill summary and noticed this 1 number coming up alot. i waited till she was aslepp and found her phone. to my shock i had found 40-50 naked pictures of another guy, in various poses sent to her phone. she doesnt deny having them and claims its all in fun. she doesnt want to meet him and said she never sends pictures of herself. she found him on a singles site and just wanted to have fun with it. its been going on for 5 weeks now. in my book that is a relationship!! i am broken down inside and just ready to fall apart. i have gave this women my heart and soul. we have a daughter. i want everything to be back to normal but i feel as if she just wants to keep this texting thing going. i am in dire need of some assistance. im not sure what will happen if this fails. please help me!

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      Jess 5 years ago

      Personally I swear all men are freaken liars. I was married and he was on adultfriendfinder.com says he was just seeing if his account was valid, lol. what?? um that's dumb and whats worse you believe I was dumb enough to be okay with that?? Divorced him. Then got w/ a man moved 800 miles, b/c I fell in love for the first time. Didn't think he was the "same" bc he wanted a child, and committed relationship--

      he complained his wife cheated on him, boo boo--

      now I see why.

      he's lazy and an ass.

      worse off, all the time he spent making me feel like he LOVED me he was texting w./ a woman from our town, she's 10 years older than I and she's not attractive, and that's not me mad--she really isn't attractive.

      She has a long face, she kinda looks like a horse, and promise she's not as small as I. She too has a kid and in a relationship. But she was bitching about her relationship and how her husband couldn't get "it" up.

      My man told her who he has issues too--- he didn't really complain about me in bed, but come on. Then they were talking about being intimate, I think for me, I was more upset they spoke in INTIMATE terms vs. just dirty sex.

      weird?

      and it felt there was an emotional relationship going on--it hurt. I was pregnant, and I felt something was up, but he swore nothing was. I went to counseling b/c he said it was all in my head--ouch! come to find out it was NOT!

      She personally attacked me on FB it was so nasty! right in front of ALL our friends...

      I was so embarrassed and hurt. Then he gets upset now b/c he says HE's guarded b/c what I put him through after all that???

      Um... I went through a divorce, I have kids from that marriage, I moved 800 miles, I'm out here alone- I'm being attacked, your cheating on me, I'm pregnant... during that time it was so stressful- that's just the start of the issues.

      He then never defended me, even said to her NO NEED TO FEEL that way, he was only surprised by how she said it- being that she was "christian" NO she's not--b/c a woman wouldn't do that to another.

      but he said what she said--about ME, was "well said" are you serious?

      this was all on v-day.

      she called me ignorant and all sorts of names.

      to this day if I see her... there will be issues.

      I hate her, I hate what she did to me.

      I'm not to happy with him. He's lazy... and he does that??

      I should have left him but unlike my marriage I wanted to work this out--so I'm still here. But I wonder everyday if he really loves me, when he says he does.

      I told him he cheats again he won't see his son and will NOT have a home.

      I will play stupid once b/c I actually LOVE him but never again...

      but I don't trust him, I don't know if I ever will again.

      But he could have defended me.And it took me saying I will leave if he doesn't get rid of her and FB, he did-- but I don't trust him. NOT AT ALL...

      men are snakes. they have something good in their face and they throw us away. then men wonder why we are the way we are--

      look up the statistics, of MEN and CHEATING!! yes woman do it to-- but look it up. SICK ASSES

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      me 5 years ago

      im glad i am not the only one in this world who believes texting the opposite sex while in a commited relationship is cheating. my husband does it daily and every female turns out to be a "family friend" he lies about who he is texting. i text males but they are mutal friends and he knows them. the females he texts i dont know from a hole in the ground. he tells me he isnt going to stop ever knowing im hurt. but we all know if i was doing that he would flip a damn lid and get crazy.

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      brewskymd 5 years ago

      I too am getting frustrated with my fiance sexting others and IM'g thru e-mail. He even gives his cellphone number out so that they can go from IM'ng to sexting. I had told him that I did not like this when he first moved in with me and my son, but he continues to do it. I'm very hurt and confused as he says he just gets bored, but I believe nothing good can come from sexting other women then eventually a hook up. HELP!!

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      Stu8 5 years ago

      What if you did that with someone but told them you had someone and you love and that and you didn't mean anything of it? My girlfriend has lied about few things and so have i

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      Maria 6 years ago

      I caught my hubby texting another woman while he was away for flood duty, another military woman. No it is not okay & if your husband thinks its okay then you find yourself a texting pal & start sending him pictures of yourself all sexy like and see how he likes it. Men are so stupid. They are hyprocrites & think that sort of behavior is okay? Grow up. When you are a married person you should NOT be texting anyone from the opposite sex, end of story. That's what single people do.

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      Sodifficult 6 years ago

      I discovered that my husband of 20 years was sexting with a woman for 3 months and chatting on a very popular cell phone word game site and through e-mails. She sent him sexy clip art and he sent her weekly love notes and one nasty photo of himself. He claims that it's over and we both are working to mend our relationship. However, I don't trust him. Although I want to make our relationship work, I also don't want to be made a fool again. My concern is that he may still be texting. He is such a practiced liar and great with technology. There are no guarantees, but I wish there was a way for me to be sure that he has stopped texting and sexting. Obviously, I can check his phone, but he can also delete anything he wants. He can also do this through his work computer and I'll never know. He can create a million different e-mail accounts and I'll never discover them. So I feel frustrated and lost. Also, as much as I want this to work, even though it's been 4 months since I caught him, I'm still so angry at him and her. Similar to other people who have written about this type of betrayal, I feel like this woman got away without a problem. I've viewed the game site that they both used to play. This woman is still playing multiple games each day and probably doing the same nasty texting with someone else's man.

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      confussed 6 years ago

      i have been reading all these post. my issue is i have been married for 2.5 yares my husband just started working at the same company as myself. now before he started he use to tell me that he didnt believe in work relationships between men and women but now that he is here, he had a female trainer they began to text each other he was acting very strange so i wen into action to see what was up they communicated at work as well as on days off they would hook up to shoot pole with the other guys in the area not including myself. when i confronted the situation he lied to me about who she was i called her phone and she told me who she was but nothing was going on so whats up with the lies i am finding it hard to trust him is this really considered cheating because he thought i would be upset because of the male female relationship that he dislikes in the first place. is this ok for him to do it but not me????? they havent slept together but the texting was too much according to the phone records..

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      bows 6 years ago

      I found texts on my husbands phone from a female colleague but it was stored under a blokes name, these texts were about him having an affair with someone in our local area and she was helping him through it. It turned out he hadn't had the affair just said he had so he could relate to this female colleague as she was having an affair on her long term partner. Now firstly I cannot understand why he stored this womans name under a blokes name and secondly why he would lie about an affair. I felt warry about this woman but allowed mt husband to keep in contact with her, providing he was honest with me. 6 Months down the line he went on a work night out, when he got back he was distant with me, turned his back on me in bed and went straight to sleep. I knew instantly something was up so checked his phone. Sure enough there was a text from 'her' saying I had a great time cheers for the lift. He had deleted all messages he had sent to her! The next morning I asked him & he denied having her in his car but once I showed him the texts he admitted to it. He again said there was nothing in it but he thought I would be jealous & paranoid so he was trying to protect means stop me from feeling hurt. After a major argument we tried to patch things up. Now 3 months later he is texting her several tomes a day & last thing before he goes to sleep, they are only about general things but he is always doing it. She is going through a break up & other major shit in her life so apparently needs lots of support from my husband but I think he should be spending time with me & the kids. I told him he needs to put us first because these friendship feelings will develop into more. He started coming home from work late & going to the office at strange times. I have seen the messages & spoke to this other woman, tslling her to back off just a little, nothing has gone on between them but I feel there relationship inappropriate. He said he couldn't stay if I didn't trust him & my jealous actions are impacting on the kids & has spent the last few nights on friends sofa's & says he's not sure what he wants. He is still constantly texting & calling this woman & spending time with her in work but won't talk to me! Any advice on what I should do would be greatly appreciated cuz I feel like I'm going mad!!

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      mamaof3nj 6 years ago

      You know I have to say something about women and men about their reasons for wanting to cheat. I'm sure my man decided to do it b/c deep down he wasn't for sure if this was everything he wanted. But I supported him. He's a small time film maker, and I noticed the conversations with her side anyway always stating how she had his best interest at heart, and he enjoyed this.

      Thing is he's an INDEPENDENT FILM MAKER OR AKA NO MONEY INVOLVED, will there be? maybe one day. Thing is this woman does not live my life day to day, do I support him, heck yes, but do I support it everyday, everyday when I struggle and have a son that needs diapers?

      When he has another son he needs to support, but often doesn't?

      The fact he has NO JOB & I was working 2 jobs?

      The fact when this was going on I was PREGNANT, and 8 months prego. When the both of them decided to strike up conversations?

      Yes I may have been critical but any NORMAL everyday thinking human being would feel the same way, when you love this person so much and put so much into the relationship.

      Was I critical? probably, but I'm human.

      he wasn't always supportive but did I cheat? NO! heck no.

      I got through it with him.

      But it's funny b/c this idiot who's 10 years older than I cussed me out and called me out all over his faceboook, and calling me ignorant & telling me to focus on myself yet that's MY MAN.

      I do focus on US, HIM, ME! so who the hell was she to tell ME what to do?

      and to cuss me out. I knew something further was going on.

      I'm a little peeved she got away with it and doesn't have to pay for destroying my life, my everyday security in myself and in my family.

      I'm sick over it.

      and will I trust my man again? I doubt it.

      He doesn't know but I have access to his password to his e-mail & he said today he was going to meet Eric but he's really meeting Tim, NO he's not gay. But my point is why did he lie and say he's meeting this person yet he's meeting someone else.

      Or is he really even doing that, or is this Tim hooking him up??

      I can't believe anything he says anymore.

      I'm sick over it.

      But I'm really sick over her.

      WHAT DO I DO!

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      solmendez 6 years ago

      so i hear someone is blasting my name. that i cheated on her husband. please. first off if you knew how to take care of your man i wouldn't have done it in the first place.

      i'm his muse.

      i worried about him when you didn't. you use your pregnancy as an excuse?

      i'm 39 and much more mature than you. you have 10 years less on me, and have plenty of time to take to grow up. i can please your man.

      it was clear he didn't enjoy sex with you, but mostly would cringe when he would sit down and have conversations with you.

      all you crying, sad women. i will tell you like i told her. grow up focus on yourself not what he's doing, be a woman. notice i said WOMAN!

      if you have an issue with me. you can always find me on facebook.

      because i'm brave enough for your rants.

      yes i have a relationship and a kid and i don't act like this.

      http://facebook.com/sol.c. ****

      and funny how the author looks just like me.

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      missJ 6 years ago

      I'm having a major time the last few days. I feel worthless. Unworthy. All the above. All I think about is what if? What if he's doing it again but hiding it better? Although 2yrs ago he got rid of his fb & emailing her & I even have his computer bugged. So I can see what he's doing. I don't his phone. Although its been shut off due to non payment but he checks email etc at home via his phone & when he's at the gym. The phone bugs the hell outta me. Bc he takes it to the restroom or makes a point to claim he's listening to the radio. He takes it with him anytime he leaves. Unless his friends here then he knows I won't look. I said oh bc he's here you feel safe to leave it. Days I have good days & we haven't really faught in awhile but the thoughts are always there. The girl h had an emotional affair with still haunts me. I mean she caused so many issues. She never cared & had countless sexual conversations with my man & I died inside everyday bc here I thought he was happy with me. I got pregnant with his child something he had claimed he wanted. Even saying let's try for a baby girl. I'm not sure where his mind was bc months later when he was speaking to her it seemed everything changed. He didn't want a babygirl anymore & even being pregnant seemed to be an issue. He said we should have waited. I was hurt & so stressed. He said I was such a bitch while pregnant but I was under so much stress. My ex husband & child custody & trips back & forth regarding my kids & his emotional affair & money & etc etc. But I was a bitch? & he knew the hurt she was causing yet still said happy valentines to her. He must have missed her & then she went off on a screaming fit! Yelling & telling him how ignorant I am & to get rid of me. His response " she's not going anywhere" she later said sorry but gosh for bid she felt she upset him. He didn't defend me. He said "ah nothing to be sorry about. I understand and what you said was said well just surprised me a bit" she wanted him to leave me. He told her he was in half sick mood. He thinks I'm nuts bc I can replay this stuff back n forth in my mind and let negative things get to me. I can recall moments and conversations as if it just happened. I know he deeply cares for me bc he wanted me to stay he got rid of her! Facebook & other toxic stuff and counseling but even that at times doesn't feel enough. We do date nights etc but sometimes I think why is he being nice now? Negative thoughts just rush my mind. Its not fair to me nor him. Just a few seconds ago he caught me awake bc I've been sick today (maybe stress) he said hi hun. "You look beautiful in that light" (computer light) & set down beside me. He asked what's wrong. I was ify to tell him but did & when the problem comes up he always tries to listen. He wiped my tears away & said hun your good enough. I love you & that I'm awesome. I explained how much I hate the other woman & have so much anger (it scares me) and how I don't feel good enough... those feelings suck. Also I want to be his wife. I don't get why I'm good enough to have his son. Bc he was first to want a family. But to be his wife?! He said its a strong possibility but I feel he means it will never happen. He says he doesn't feel the same way about marriage anymore (married & she cheated) although he claims he didn't love her but yet lost his mind (drinking/suicide/etc)when he found out she slept w/other men? His story I asked her to marry me bc she was a different woman then although she said NO! But later they married-he claims for her son (previous marriage) they too have a son together (after the fact) he says was a "accident" swearing she put a hole in the condom&wearing a condom w/your wife? Yes bc she slept with everyone. To me its confusing/a mess. He said he was just young but yet he was 20 something & fast forward he has a good woman. He complained she was dirty/didn't clean/cook/etc. I do all that. She didn't show affection I overdo it (he says) but regardless if I'm "better" as he says why not marry me??? I'm confused. So it is easy for me to call bs on the relationship even if he's sweet to me. Also the sex... I'm the most active. He's always "tired" he has no job! When I was working two jobs & waking to take care of our son & take care of the house/cooking & yes he shares some responsibility. Id come home sleepy but still wanting sex. He claimed "I'm tired" yet put him in front of ufc or a movie he wants to see or his buddy who comes over for days! On end he will stay up talking to him for hours but when I mention sex even early he says oh I'm tired & I've called him out on this & he says not the case. I love him but my emotions are crazy & believing all he has to say is hard. Any advice? Please! I'm exhausted & feel suffocated.

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      Jess 6 years ago

      The cheating is in the lies ... My partner works away. I am not happy with the place where he works because when we split for 2 months , he slept with woman (i dont know if it was one or more) in the same place. I realise he has to go where his job takes him and I am working on getting my head around where he is. It doesnt help my trust efforts when I get 2 text messages from him that were for someone else (not romantic other than xx on the end) and he says they were for me. They werent. The mind then asks the question, why is he lying? What is he doing ? Who with ? and how do I| cope the next time he goes there?