Is He the One Who Got Away?

I know we've all heard the phrase "the one who got away." And we've probably heard the Katy Perry song of the same name. And seen the music video. You know the one with the really sad ending? It's a familiar concept that we've come to accept as fact nowadays. Unless you're really lucky in love, you're going to have that one person who you really loved but let slip away and now you have to feel this loss everyday for the rest of your life. Or do you?

I think the whole the one who got away idea is a beautiful way to romanticize a relationship that just didn't work out in the end. Instead of saying that you tried your best or life got in the way or whatever, we say he's the one who got away and it just sounds more poetic that way. It just doesn't have the same effect if we say we let them get away, or he broke up with us, or the relationship was just toxic and we're lucky we got away with out lives still intact. No, they're the ones who got away and now we have to live with that.

It's something I've given a lot of thought to and I've come to a conclusion that has changed my entire outlook on love and life. I've realized something quite significant that I can't believe I didn't think of sooner. Or maybe I'm just getting wiser in my old age (here's hoping). I realized that you can't ever lose someone who's truly meant to be yours. Whether it's fate or destiny that you believe in, or simply the fact that whatever's meant to be will always find its way, regardless, you'll always have what you're meant to have in the end. If it's a higher power or God that you believe in, then you must believe that God won't let anything or anyone get in the way of his plan for you.

So what does this mean for us mere mortals? It means we shouldn't beat ourselves up with the idea that we've ever truly lost someone that's meant for us. Unless that person has passed away, we can't lose him or her. If we're not together, then that was a choice, made either by us or them. They're not the ones who got away because we can never truly get away from what's meant for us. Sure, we might lose it a time or two, or have to face some obstacles that we need to overcome, but we can never lose something that's really meant for us in the long run.

When you really think about it, this changes everything. This small concept has the power to really turn our romantic life around 180 degrees. We no longer have to hold on to the idea of guilt or loss over something that didn't work our in our relationships. We're free from thinking we lost the best thing that ever happened to us because now we know that we can't lose what's truly ours because that can never be lost. If a relationship didn't work out, then it wasn't for us. If we tried our best and did everything we could, we no longer have to live with the guilt that we did something wrong because we didn't. Sure, everything worth having requires work, but it's not going to require so much work that you're going to lose your mind and start to question whether you want it anymore or not. Suddenly you're free from a lot of heartache because you're letting go of what's not working and opening the door for what's still to come.

It's almost too easy, right? The idea that you can't lose what's truly meant for you. So that high school sweetheart that you thought you would marry but later realize is a total jerk? No, he's not the one who got away. He's a jerk who you should be glad got away because he would've made your life miserable. What about that girl who you met in college that you seemed to connect with instantly but argued so much with that you thought you would lose your mind? She didn't get away, you cut her lose so you could keep your sanity in check. You should be glad these people got away because they left room in your life for someone who is truly worth inviting in.

So now that we've completely destroyed this "beautiful and tragic" concept of the one who got away, we are free to let someone in who is worth keeping around. They won't get away because we'll make sure from the start that they're the ones we want to stick by us. We won't have to chase them down or fight for them because we know that what's right for us won't involve so much drama and pain. We're never going to have to force anything that's really right for us, because like a magnet it'll be attracted to us naturally. And sure, we all feel bad for the old lady in Katy Perry's "The One Who Got Away" video because she lost the man she really loved when she was young, and now she's old and with some man she doesn't feel the same way about. But if I'm going to compare my life to any old lady, I'd rather be the one at the end of The Notebook who's 80 years old and dying with the man I loved all my life (who never got away).