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Is There Too Much Lingerie In Your Relationship?

Updated on October 16, 2009
Alone in lingerie...
Alone in lingerie...

Balancing your love life and your lingerie life can be difficult, and some men who wear lingerie struggle with it. It is important to maintain balance however, nobody wants to live a life entirely alone but surrounded by frilly lace.

Is there such a thing as too much lingerie in a relationship? Yes. Definitely.

Here's how to tell if there is too much lingerie in your life.

  • Do you share a happy and healthy relationship with your romantic partner? (Whether she knows about the lingerie or not.)

If the answer to that is no, here's the follow up question.

  • Do you direct more romantic energy towards lingerie and womens clothing than you do towards the woman in your life, or in the pursuit of women, if you would like to be in a relationship?

If the answer to that question is yes, then you have an imbalance to address.

There's nothing wrong with men wearing lingerie, but there is something wrong with men becoming so wrapped up in it that they ignore the needs and desires of others, most often their romantic partners.

I've seen a fair few comments from men who say that their wives are distant and frigid, or that their wives have left them, ostensibly because of the lingerie.

To those men, I say this. If you and your spouse or girlfriend are drifting apart, for the love of god put the damn lingerie down for a second and take some time to reconnect with her. If you don't you are consigning yourself to a bitter separation or perhaps worse, a life of a loveless marriage. She may blame the lingerie and you may blame her close mindedness, but at the end of the day, being self absorbed and lazy will be what drives you apart.

Some people would blame the women for being distant and cold towards their male partners who wear lingerie, but in many cases I think it is fair to say that it's not their fault. To some women, it may seem that their husband or boyfriend has replaced them with lingerie. Women want to feel needed, desired and loved. It's hard to feel needed and desired when your partner appears to get just as much pleasure from his womens clothing as he does from you. It's even worse when that is confirmed by him no longer pursuing you and instead channeling his romantic energies towards inanimate objects.

When you spend all your time sneaking around and wearing panties and ignoring your female partner, that's selfish. When you spend all your time on line checking out panty sites whilst your wife sleeps alone in bed or sits by herself for another night alone watching dreary tv, that's selfish.

You are not the victim in your life. You have the power to make your relationship improve simply by taking some time out for your partner. That doesn't mean romantic time either, not to start with. Try simply sitting down with her for an hour or two and talking about what is going on in her life. Try taking her out somewhere to eat. Try taking the time to make her feel special again.

Lingerie is great, but lingerie isn't the warm body you wake up to each day, or the person who shares their life with you, or the one who will be there with a sympathetic ear and a warm embrace when you need them. Lingerie is delightful, tantalizing and enchanting, but it cannot be allowed to become the stumbling block that destroys a relationship. Keep it in its place and you will be able to enjoy both lingerie and a loving partner for many years.


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    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Insightful article. As RD above stated an obsession or over indulgence in almost anything can divide a relation and many times not realised by either party. Like everything in life there must be both a balance and I dialog. I have a long and wonderful marriage and a passion for for her and lingerie and at times thta balance has swung in both directions.

      Keep up the great work for the men who love lingerie and for their partners.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Very well put! Hope as a guy, I would never let my lingerie come between my wife and I. As I have stated before she does not like it and I am ok with that so that is just a part of my life that is quietly mine. After 32 years of marriage, I find that I love her more every day. She completes my life and I look forward to another 32 years with her.

    • Philipo profile image


      9 years ago from Nigeria

      Nice hub. Food for thought in a relationship.

    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      9 years ago

      Oh I agree, this can happen with anything. It is especially notorious among male gamers, WoW, CoD, Halo etc...

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Well said, I would rather have relations and a relationship with my wife then with a VS set. While lingerie can feel good a wife/partner can make you feel better. Victoria's true Secret is there needs to be a woman in your life to share the lingerie experience with, otherwise you're just wearing clothing.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Hope, how did you get so wise at such a young age?

      This article is not only applicable to lingerie but to any hobby. The same things could be said about golf, football, cars, or playing guitar. Balance is the key to making any relationship work.

      Once again, you have shown your readers the proper way. Keep up the great hubs.

    • Frieda Babbley profile image

      Frieda Babbley 

      9 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

      Well said, Hope. And this is true for so many things that one tends to obsess over while fast losing sight of their partner.


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