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Signs He is Married

Updated on November 9, 2012
Just because you don't see a ring doesn't mean he doesn't have one!
Just because you don't see a ring doesn't mean he doesn't have one! | Source

Have you been fooled into dating a man you didn't know was married?

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What a Man Has to Say About Guys Who Text Instead of Call

Top 12 Signs He's Not Available

1. He prefers text instead of phone calls.

2. He insists on calling you or doesn't want you calling him.

3. He offers vague reasons for his unavailability.

4. Says he "just wants to have fun" or "wait and see what happens."

5. He avoids bringing you to his home or introducing you to family and friends.

6. He tells stories of friends or neighbors that sound like what he would do with a spouse.

7. He frequently cancels plans.

8. He always pays cash on dates, but uses credit cards for gasoline.

9. His social media has suspicious posts.

10. He excuses himself from the room when he takes certain phone calls, but not others.

11. He expects you to be available on short notice.

12. He does not plan dates with you but instead wants to "hang out."

Is Your Eligible Bachelor Really Eligible?

Some people believe finding a new romantic partner’s a lot like looking for a job – most effective if you start putting in applications before you leave. If you want the kind of relationship where you can feel confident that you’re the top lady contender for your boyfriend’s attention, stick to one hard and fast rule: Don’t date unavailable men. These signs will help you recognize men who claim to be single when they’re otherwise committed.

The “no-brainer” clue is a wedding ring. He may wear it or his finger might simply wear a ghost ring – the tanned skin surrounding a pale band on his third finger. Don’t buy into lame excuses. He’s not divorced and trying to deflect women. It’s not there just because he likes it. And it has nothing to do with whether he is over his ex or not. Even if that is true, his heart belongs to someone else whose presence is a part of his daily life.

Social media pages can reveal plenty, too. Does he identify himself as being in a relationship? Is another woman is posting affectionate or possessive comments on his wall? Does he avoid adding you or restrict information that you can see?

His cell phone reveals less obvious signs. No, this doesn’t mean you should go snooping. It means that if he is only available at odd hours, there is probably a reason. Men and women normally have work schedules that are consistent with their occupations. A banker, for instance, won’t be at work after 7:00 p.m. A janitor may be assigned to the graveyard shift, but that means he’s not working at noon. A chef might have to pull a double here and there, but he won’t be telling you about changing the oil in his car between shifts. When you can’t make sense of your beau’s schedule, be cautious.

Likewise, if he prefers to contact you and gets irritable or doesn’t answer when you call, be warned. This is especially true if he responds readily to your text messages. It’s easy to put his phone on vibrate and answer texts without his wife noticing, but it’s no simple matter to have an actual conversation when he’s with family members.

Excusing himself to take an important call is polite if it’s a rare event. If it’s happening regularly or he takes a long time to finish calls, invite him to take them when you’re present. Let him know it won’t bother you (and mean what you say!) If he continues to want privacy, even when you’re in quiet environments, evaluate whether there’s a valid reason or not.

If he makes plans with you and then doesn’t follow through, it can be maddening. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, but it can also be a glaring red light. Repeated examples of this kind of behavior reveal that he is devoted to another person or lacks respect for you. Either way, you lose. Plausible excuses are still excuses. If the behavior continues, ignore it at your own risk.

A man who is truly interested in you wants you to become part of his world. He wants you to see his home, meet his children, and share in activities with him. Waiting to introduce you to his children may be acceptable, but it’s equally acceptable to inquire when he will reveal you as a friend, at least. If he has not brought you to his house and introduced you to friends and family within the first ten dates, be alert. Some men will go so far as to bring you to their home while their wife’s absent, but give you excuses about why her pictures are still on the wall, or why she still has clothes in the closet.

When it comes to dating, adopt the “Trust, but verify” philosophy, especially if you’re seeing indications that reveal he may be married. If you’re still not sure, the methods below will push the envelope and let you get to the heart of the matter. Be warned: If he’s into you, he’ll accept these steps as having been reasonable even if he finds them distasteful, but if he has something to hide, he’ll become angry.

1. If he says he’s divorced, ask where the divorce took place and contact the county courthouse where it was filed, or ask to see his recent divorce papers. (If they more than a year or two old, he may have remarried.)

2. Check for his name in the court records – many locations have free online searches. If you notice a record of having married, but nothing revealing a divorce, even though he has lived in the same area for years, don’t accept that it was filed elsewhere because her family lived in another area. (Follow up with an Internet search for her name – with her maiden surname and his. You may learn a great deal.)

3. Go ahead and stop by his workplace or send an attractive gift with a conspicuous card with your name visible. His reaction will reveal a great deal. If he behaves as if you’ve wronged him, take off your heels and start running!

By showing that you are serious about wanting a man who is equally serious about you, you’ll find one. The good news is if a man who uses that job application approach has wooed you, you’ll have a chance to fire him while he’s still in probationary status instead of after having given him all the benefits you have to offer.

Do You Want Love or Sex?

Only you can decide what you're looking for in your life. If you want a long-term, committed relationship, dating a married man is a tough way to get there! It's sort of like driving to your local grocery store by way of Hawaii. It's not likely to work very well no matter how many promises he makes. Even if you get together and he leaves his wife, you'll have good reason to doubt his faithfulness in whatever relationship you develop with him.

On the other hand, maybe you're looking for nothing more than sexual friendship. You might decide he's worth the risk of having an angry woman show up at your door and assassinate your character to anyone who will listen. You will have to ask yourself how you'll feel if your tryst is discovered and causes irreparable harm to his life and possibly yours, too.


Submit a Comment

  • jellygator profile imageAUTHOR


    6 years ago from USA

    Thanks, Alocsin.

  • alocsin profile image


    6 years ago from Orange County, CA

    Excellent warnings. Voting this Up and Useful.

  • jellygator profile imageAUTHOR


    6 years ago from USA

    True. (And ouch! for your friend.)

    Thanks for reading and contributing!

  • profile image


    6 years ago

    You can often tell his marital status by whether or not he invites you to his house. Even if you live a few towns away, it would be pretty strange to date a guy for several months and never see where he lives. Of course, that won't work if his wife lives somewhere else.

    I know woman who unknowingly dated a married man for a few months; he and his wife were both academics who couldn't get jobs at the same university so they had to live about 300 miles apart. My friend discovered he was married after she randomly came across the wife's university webpage and saw wedding photos.

  • jellygator profile imageAUTHOR


    6 years ago from USA

    Thanks, Phoebe!

  • profile image

    Phoebe Pike 

    6 years ago

    A very interesting hub. Fortunately I am out of the dating scene, but I know a few of my friends have dated married men unknowingly. I'll send them the link to this hub, I think they will be glad to see some of these tips.


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