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Is it ok to be a Loner?

Updated on June 13, 2013
Is the internet to blame with decreased physical presence in society?
Is the internet to blame with decreased physical presence in society?

Is it ok to be a loner? Absolutely. But you have to accept yourself as a loner. A lot of people like being by themselves but beat themselves up over it when they don’t have many friends or things outside of their own life.

Growing up as a kid it can be hard to identify with your true self and it may be uncomfortable or depressing to be alone. When you are a loner at school other kids may tend to pick on your or tease you since you’re standing solo without the defenses of a crowd.

What you have to remember is that everyone is different. One person’s style of socialization and interaction doesn’t fit all.

I can remember those days when the world seemed to pass me by and I felt like I was missing something. I constantly felt like something was wrong with me and was fearful that I may go my whole life wishing things would open up for me. What I know now, that I didn’t then was that it is ok to be me and my preferences in life lead to more solitude than socialization.

I have had those times in my life where I constantly had things to do or people to be around and I honestly found that it was exhausting. Some people can relax in a group, while others like me, find peace and comfort when the external stimulus is low. One on one settings or intimate gatherings are where I find my comfort zone.

But as a kid, the difficulty is accepting these things about yourself. There isn’t the specialization in a school system with hundreds if not thousands of kids for there to be education and acceptance of people’s differences. The easiest path for the system would be for everyone to be the same. Fortunately, we aren’t all the same. Then you have parents, who want the best for their kids, think something is wrong if their kids aren’t making the right friends or involved in the right activities, or mirror their own development when they were the same age. Parents too need to understand that while your kids may share similar traits and features, they are not you. What is normal for them may not be normal for you and so with a gentle touch, understand that a kid who likes to be alone, may simply be most comfortable alone. This doesn’t mean anything is wrong with him.

Take a look at social trends and you’ll see that more and more people are living alone. Whether that be because the world has shrunk due to globalization and the internet is open for debate, but socially, it is becoming more acceptable to forge your own path.

Unfortunately, challenges still persist for the loner type. Every so often we have to step outside of our comfort zone and face the music. Whether that be a work event or gathering with people we are close to, from time to time we have to suck it and get through. While at times we may find ourselves enjoying ourselves, we quickly breath a sigh of relief the moment we leave and can go about our own way.

Being Alone More Common Than You Think

Don't Confuse Loneliness with Being Alone

Being lonely is something we arguably will all experience at some point in our life. Whether that be to death

Being lonely is something we arguably will all experience at some point in our life. Whether that be to death divorce, or simply not having a network of people or activities to engage your mind further than your own thoughts. Being alone, is making a conscious choice to get away or not engage for preferences of solitude.

divorce, or simply not having a network of people or activities to engage your mind further than your own thoughts. Being alone, is making a conscious choice to get away or not engage for preferences of solitude.

Why Do People Choose To Be Alone?

Social anxiety disorder is one reason. Don’t be alarmed, just because you have a fear of crowds and social settings doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. The first step, is to not beat yourself up over the fact that you prefer things quite and manageable. By the very fact that you are reading this article know that you are not alone. There are literally millions of people just like you.

Other people choose to be alone because of the make up of their lives. Consider someone who works in an office 50 hours a week. This person may have a boss and supervise several people. For 50 hours a week, that person is under pressure to be available, present in the now, engaging, responsive and interactive. Seeing that there are really only about another 50 hrs of active time remaining in the week (a few hrs each night and 18 hrs Saturday and Sunday, when can someone expect to simply have some “down time” without the pulls of responsibility from other people. When the weekend comes, the last thing this person wants to do is deal with 20 family members at a cookout, or be surrounded by hundreds of people at a bar for 4 hours. In small doses, sure, but to be go, go go, just doesn’t seem healthy. To each their own, but if you’re a loner, a busy weekend may mean running to the store for a few errands, going out to dinner and staying in to watch a movie. What is important, is that you understand that your choice is totally ok, even if your family, neighbors or co-workers think its lame. Some people handle stress differently and need isolation to “detox” their stress levels.

Work Is To Blame

Time is Precious

Time is a precious commodity. It’s why Doctors and professionals charge so much money. It is limited and non-renewable. Taking ownership of your time can lead to choices of solitude. Take a family of 4 with 2 young children. Don’t you think mom would want an empty house on a Friday night every once in a while? When put in this context, it seems normal or “socially” accepted, that of course, mom would want some down time. Now take this same woman, pretend she isn’t married and doesn’t have kids, would your perception of her choice change? We live in a fast paced society where success and happiness is predicated on having more, doing more, being more than simply just being yourself.

Is it ok with being a loner? Absolutely, you only have to ask yourself , if you’re ok with it.

Take the Poll

Can you relax and unwind with other people or do you need quite time to yourself

See results


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