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- Relationship Problems & Advice
Is it time to end a friendship?
Friends are the extension of family. They step in when your family can’t. They say you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends. Friends can uplift you, make you feel better about yourself. They bring joy and happiness and closeness and laughter. Friends can bring out the silliness in you, there is no judgment, just freedom to be. But sometimes there are friends that do the exact opposite and you wonder if the friendship is worth saving. Maybe it is maybe it isn’t, you have to weigh the options and ask yourself how much you are willing to put up with.
Treading on Egg shells?
You know that friend, one day they are alright the next they’re not. People have ups and downs, it’s a human thing but mature people tend to separate the two. If you find that your friend is constantly in and out of a mood and you have no idea why, then perhaps it’s time to consider ending it. Dealing with moody people is extremely exhausting because you never know what to expect. It’s like constantly treading on eggshells. You wonder if they’ll talk to you today, or whether it’s another cold shoulder day. Or if they’ll blow up or be as sweet as pie. If a friend is in a bad mood they’re grown up enough to deal with it without it interfering with the friendship. If something is bothering them, they should be adult enough to tell you. Don’t give into games, if they choose to ignore you, let them and walk away. It really isn’t worth it. I find this behaviour strange and childish and tend to ignore it. If you find that this is happening on a regular basis perhaps it’s time to end the friendship.
A one way street.
Are you always making the effort? Are you the only one who visits them, rings them finds out how they are doing? When you meet up do they always talk about themselves, never ask about you? Or if they do ask about you, don’t give you enough time to speak about it. Some people do this to get it out of the way. They ask how you’re doing, you say fine and just as you’re about to say more, they switch off. This is not the kind of friend you want in your life. Friendship is a give and take a 50/50 contribution. This doesn’t mean you keep score of what you’ve done, because there will be times when you’ll do more for a friend than they do for you. It’s when it becomes the norm that it becomes a problem. Is it time to end a friendship because of this? Not exactly, not before you make them aware of the situation. Sometimes people are unaware of their behaviour and if you speak to them about it, then a true friend will acknowledge and work towards making the relationship better. If they don’t then yes, it’s time to move on.
Jealous or in competition with you
Do you feel guilty buying a new outfit or getting a new gadget? Do you feel you need to justify why you got yourself something new? Or do you always feel they are in competition with you? You buy yourself something they get something better? It happens, there are friends that will do this. Do you really want to be with someone you feel is in competition with you? That wouldn’t be considered a friendship. With friends you must be able to relax with each other. In fact you should be happy for them or they should be happy for you when you acquire something new. Friends share joy but if you always find yourself in competition with them then maybe it’s time to cut that friendship loose. Is there a way to deal with it and keep the friendship? I’m not sure because the root of the competition and jealousy is deeper and sometimes it’s not you, it’s something they need to deal with. Are you able to ignore it? Do you really want to? You must feel free with your friends.
I had a close male friend once. He was a really lovely person and was always around to help me when I needed it. The only problem was, he always wanted to be better than I was. He needed me in the needy position. He loved to help me but I began to wonder if that was his reward. The minute I began to not need his help so much and I was doing things on my own, becoming financially independent, affording more things, he began to be bitter about it. He had to do something better than I did, he had to boast he was going on a better holiday. I decided that this friendship was no longer working for me. I didn’t want to always justify a purchase or hide it just so that he didn’t feel threatened. I tried to speak with him in a civilised matter and brought it to his attention. Unfortunately he took it as an offence. All he could focus on was the fact that he’d helped me but couldn’t be happy that I was now making it on my own. It came to the point where I had to walk away, which is a shame really because as a person he was great. He just couldn’t let me shine.
Friendship is a two way street. If your friend can’t rejoice with you when times a good, by with you when times are hard. Laugh with you when things are funny and you just can’t be you, perhaps it’s time to cut that relationship. There is one thing I learnt after cutting off my relationship, I meet two amazing friends who make me feel good about myself. People who believe in me and are happy when I shine! Now that’s friendship.