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Is marriage counseling needed by couples? Sort it out between yourselves!

Updated on December 18, 2013

''In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all.” -Anne S Swetchine

Usually couples go for marriage counseling when they feel their relationship is in grave crisis and on the brink of separation. But the trend has changed today. Couples rashly decide to go in for divorce for the silliest reasons. The plethora of marriage counselors you now see foretells how problematic your relationship with your spouse has become.

Marriage counseling was something very rare during our days. Couples sorted out their problems among themselves and if they felt the problems they faced needed further advice it was mostly their parents who guided and advised them.

But today’s marriage scenario is entirely different. You fight for petty reasons and feel it to be ground enough for separation. You seek the advice of marriage counselors with the hope they would give some remedy for your marriage problems.

In my humble opinion no third party counseling can do good for any marriage problems. Why, you might ask? The marriage counselor is well versed in psychological problems and knows the in and out of human nature. Relationships in marriage are also psychological, but since it involves the emotions of two people, marriage problems cannot be categorized as this and that.

Let us suppose you go for counseling! What does the counselor do? He listens carefully to your problems. He pinpoints exactly where the problem lies and advices you and suggests ways to overcome such problems. You listen intently and nod your head affirmatively to his advice.

  • Do you follow his advice to the dot to make your marriage energize into renewed love?
  • Do you feel a solution has been found and all will be well with your marriage here afterwards?

No, you don’t!

His advice does give you momentary clarification to your problems and you feel rather relieved that all issues have been thrashed out and your married life was going to be back on the right track.

I bet you feel the pressure back again after a few days of counseling. Why is it so? It is because the advice given by the counselor flies over your head and your mind again gets tuned to the problems you face with your spouse. If marriage counseling was so effective, there wouldn’t be such a surge of divorces as it is now.

Marriage is one unique relationship where no other people can solve the problem that exists between you. The efforts have to come from you and changes should be made within the mind of both and not by marriage counselors.

Marriage counseling has become a full time business and most counselors work overtime to cope up with the steady flow of couples who list out their differences as if they were enemies. You pay a hefty sum for the advice and think you have done the right thing. You could have saved your hard earned money if you had just sat down with your spouse and discussed frankly what mistakes both were making.

When you have a frank discussion with your spouse, you know where you are really wrong. When you switch sides you see the view point of your spouse. When you realize your mistakes you never make it again. See how easy it is!

Instead you behave like a school kid who has to be instructed to do this and that to improve the relationship with your spouse by a third person. The counselor knows only what you say and does not know the intricate facts of your problems and his advice is almost repetitive to most couples. It just makes you realize you are doing something wrong and does not solve your problem.

I am in no way saying that marriage counseling is a failure. I am implying that it is unnecessary if only couples put their heads together and resolve their problems by themselves. What they cannot do, even the best counseling cannot do.

When you feel you are not enemies, but two loving souls united with the intention of living together till death, you realize how much you mean to each other. It is the positive changes that occur within yourself that will solve your problems and nothing else.

© 2013 mathira


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    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      daydreamer, thank you for the visit.

    • daydreamer13 profile image

      daydreamer13 4 years ago

      Agreed, in many cases counseling even makes matters worse. Couples need to remember why they got married in the first place and work with the foundation that is already there. Any thing can be repaired if it has a good foundation. Excellent hub!

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      billy, it is strange couples do not make efforts to sort out their problems and feel easy to plunge their marriage into failure. Thank you for the visit.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I happen to agree with your premise. If couples were willing to swallow their egos and do the work, a counselor would not be needed. As always, excellent food for thought my friend.