Is the universe telling me not to get married?
How I feel lately
Learn from the past
My wedding planning to my fiancé Jeromy has been the opposite of fun. I am seriously questioning whether this was meant to happen. Not only do I question if the wedding is supposed to happen, but the marriage also. I know that sounds terrible to say so I will tell you why I say that.
In 2005 I gave birth to my first child. I had to have a cesarean and therefore my recovery was not fun. Three weeks after leaving the hospital, my fiancé who worked second shift, stopped coming home right after work. One morning he finally came home and said he decided he liked someone else and that we were done. A few weeks later he told me he made a mistake and that he wanted to work it out. I was conflicted but in the end I took him back for the sake of my son. Fast forward 8 months and I am 5 months pregnant with my second child. We decided to get married. We got a marriage license and made an appointment with a lawyer for the following Monday to get married at his office. That Monday I woke up in the middle of the night puking sick. A few hours later, Forest was also puking sick. Neither of us could barely move but we decided we would go ahead with the wedding. Fast forward to the middle of the ceremony where we had to pause to run to the bathroom. Afterwards my mom took my son and Forest and I went home and went to separate rooms and slept the day away.
Fast forward another 2 years later and my third child was 5 months old. My husband cheated on me again. I moved out, divorced him, and started a new life with my kids. It was then that I realized I should have taken being sick as a sign not to get married.
Is it happening again
I have never wanted an actual wedding. I had Jeromy talked into going to Las Vegas to get married and even had my family on board with it. His family not so much. They wanted a wedding and in return they offered to watch the kids while we took a honeymoon to Las Vegas instead. I reluctantly agreed as long as it was a small wedding. It was agreed and thus the wedding planning started. We pushed the wedding out for 2 years to give plenty of time to plan and we weren't in a rush. We picked the date and then started looking for venues. We already knew we wanted a camo/redneck wedding so I knew the perfect place. They were available for the date and so my dad paid the deposit and we got the contract signed. Then we moved onto the dj and the photographer. I had both picked out and put down deposits and signed contracts. I was on a roll picking out dresses and centerpieces and figuring out my bridal party. It was at this time that I got the guest list for Jeromy's side of the family. 80 people were on that guest list. That is more then I wanted to invite all together. Some of these people I've never even met so I wanted to invite them to just the reception but this turned into a fight with the soon to be in laws. I felt like I had to give in and so I ordered save the dates for everyone. Just before sending them out I got a call from the venue that said another bride had made plans for that weekend already and wanted to know if we would be willing to switch to another date. We ended up saying no because of the photographer and dj already being booked. I said I was smart enough to have a contract before planning anything.
Shortly after that I was on Facebook on a local wedding site and realized that another bride said she had my dj booked for her wedding. Thinking nothing about it I kept looking. I looked again later to realize that that same bride had the same date as me. Realizing this wasn't good, I emailed him and asked him about it. He finally wrote back saying he must have double booked and that he would figure out what to do. I had the first signed contract so one would figure he would choose me. He told me the next day that he was going with the other bride because she lived closer and she paid more on a deposit. I was flabbergasted. For one how do you double book and two being you uphold the person who had the contract first. He agreed to send our deposit back immediately.
I was on the search for another dj when I got an email from the venue saying that the bride they told me about earlier did in fact have a contract signed that they never knew about. These owners own a coffee shop also and another employee of theirs took in that contract and never gave it to them. They had to search for it and finally found it dated 6 months before mine. I had the option to move my wedding up a week or to move the location. OMG really. Not only did I lose my dj, but I lost my venue all within two weeks. After what happened with my first wedding I started to take this a sign. We were able to work things out with the photographer to move the wedding up a week. I wasn't mad at the venue but I was just mad in general. They did make it worth our while to move the date and stay with them though.
After this happened I am seriously wondering if this wedding should happen. Is the wedding cursed or the marriage? I don't want to go through another divorce, nor do I want to put my kids through another. I told my fiancé that if another vendor backs out or double books that the wedding is off. He thinks I'm being ridiculous but after the first bad wedding and how that ended I feel like I'm cursed. Do all brides have this many problems? I expected bumps in the planning but come on...two double bookings. We're now 6 months out and the cake is ordered, the new dj is paid, the dress is bought, and bridesmaid dresses are bought.
Oh and that dj that canceled on me...he still hasn't paid the deposit and it's been a month and a half. He keeps giving me excuses as to why he can't pay it yet.