Is Being Single A Bad Thing?—25 reasons it's not
Being single or staying in an unhealthy relationship—what would you choose?
So often, the fear of being single seems worse than being in a relationship that is completely not working or frankly a disaster. You overlook the hope of a happily-ever-after. You settle. Many women would rather stay in this type of relationship because they believe that being single is a bad thing—representing that no one wants you. Not true!
These same women would never think of staying in a job/career that did not make them feel good about themselves. They would continue to send out their resume and search for the perfect job. Why do we settle for lack luster relationships?
When a relationship is not going well, is the alternative to stick with it even though you are unhappy, just so you don't have to admit that you are single? Why be with someone that you are constantly fighting with or experiencing an unwanted emotional roller-coaster ride? Do you not value and respect yourself enough to walk away? Being single again will give you time to figure out what you really want. You need to show people how you should be treated. This is Love 101...not rocket science.
Recently, one of my best friends asked me, "Why do people think that being single is bad thing?" This is not necessarily a bad thing. Self-confidence is the key. Being single should not be looked at as something negative. Not everyone is meant or even wants to be in a committed relationship.
It is perfectly fine to make your own choices, live your own life. Be You. Even if you want to be in a relationship, it is very important to take adequate time between relationships to define more clearly what exactly you want and why you keep attracting the type of men that you do.
Don't jump on line to find a new guy before the taste of the last one has left your lips. You will continue on an endless and empty journey if you do not give yourself time to heal.....to focus on you.
I have met many women who feel embarrassed or ashamed to be alone—to the point that they would rather stay in unhealthy relationships versus being single. Having this insecurity will cause an endless series of unsuccessful relationships. Yikes!
Instead of viewing single-hood as a bad thing, why not triumph in the glory of knowing that it is empowering to have independence and freedom! Take the time to figure out what you really want for yourself. Maybe a relationship is not for you at this point in your life. Maybe you have had many relationships, but need a break to emotionally reconnect with yourself. Whichever way you choose, being single gives you more time to focus on you. Take time for your career as well as anything else that will make you happy. Hurray!
There are so many pluses to being single. Why does it feel like the entire world is trying to convince you that if you do not have a man, you are thought of as a loser? Do the people in your life truly believe that you are on the road to spinsterhood, dying alone? Ouch! Why does a man need to complete you? Keep in mind, "Jerry McGuire" was just a movie!!! Can't you be complete on your own? A man in your life should be icing on the cake....not the reason for your existence.
Until you can be comfortable and happy on your own, how do you think you can make someone else happy, and ultimately have a successful relationship?
Personally, I've have never felt that I needed to have a boyfriend or husband in my life to feel complete. I feel complete doing all the things that I enjoy which make me a happier and better person—spending time with friends, having "me" time, writing, meditating, dating, etc. Even though I don't view relationships as a need, I am open to the process of finding love.
Love for me doesn't mean that I am willing to sacrifice the core of who I am in order to have a significant other. When I do decide to take dating to the next level and be exclusive, it's because I see building a future with that person. A future for me entails the next few months. If we continue to get closer, the next few months after that, and so on. If I feel the relationship is heading in the opposite direction—and staying that way, I end things. There is no point in just dating a guy for years. I'd rather be single if a guy doesn't want to build a future with me.
When I'm single, I fully enjoy it. It's like catching up on things that I have been putting aside—due to the mental, emotional and physical energy and time that was needed for the relationship I was in. I have more time to spend with friends and family. More time to work out. I have time to watch movies and programs that I enjoy. I can cook and eat foods that I prefer. My cat gets my undivided attention when I'm home—which is more often when I'm single. Since I like going to bed early, as well as rising early, I can do so without feeling as if I'm disturbing someone else. And, I can casually date around, which is stress-free compared to the expectations I have for being in an exclusive relationship
Yes, you should have expectations of what you want in a relationship. However, it's not fair for you to try to change a guy so that he will meet them. If the relationship is not working, know when to be honest with yourself enough to end it, even if that means being single.
Ladies, being single doesn't mean you're always going to be happy and that you won't feel lonely at times. I've still have felt twinges of loneliness, even when I have been in relationships. It's normal to feel loneliness every so often, especially around the holidays. Commercials, advertisements and invitations to parties with family and friends who are coupled up (when you are not), are bound to bring on feelings of loneliness. But, would you really be any happier if you were still in a relationship that was making you miserable?
If you can embrace it—without fear and insecurities, being single can feel like a sense of freedom and in many ways it is empowering. This doesn't mean that you can't keep yourself open to finding a guy. If being in a relationship is what you really want, you will most likely stumble across one. It just means, that you are taking the time that is needed to work on yourself, so that the next relationship will be more successful than the last one. Sometimes the best relationship you end up choosing, is with yourself.
25 Reasons To Be Single:
- Feeling of independence and Freedom
- You don't have to shave (armpits, legs, privates) every day
- Your happiness depends solely on you
- You don't have to wonder why a guy has stopped calling
- No compromising
- You can eat as much ice cream and chocolate without judgment
- You don't have to be "date ready" all the time
- You can see your friends more without feeling guilty
- You can stay out as late as you want
- You get to invest your time in developing yourself
- No guy drama
- You don't have to worry about anyone hogging the bed or sleeping directly in the middle
- There are no annoying habits you have to deal with
- You’re not consistently looking at your phone wondering when and if he will call or text
- Don't have to worry about his problems
- You don't have to defend having guy friends you hang out with
- You don't have to check with someone else before making plans
- You can go on vacations with your girlfriends as much as you want
- You don't have to worry how his mood will affect you
- You're always guaranteed to have an orgasm
- What time you eat and what you eat is your decision
- The only person you have to depend on is you
- You only have to worry about your own DNA on your bar of soap
- If you're dating around—you can enjoy the experience to its fullest extent—keeping it fun
- It's easier to meet new people without a guy on your arm
Hopefully this list has put a few smirks on your face or at least a relief that single-hood isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Ladies, being single gives you a much needed break from a relationship that isn't working in your favor. Being single can mean that you get to stop jumping through hoops to make a guy happy who has obviously lost interest in you. Being single can mean that you don't have to worry anymore about what a guy is thinking, and why he has decided to pull away and check-out of the relationship. Being single can also mean that you can do things that truly make you happy without question or judgment—whatever that is for you.
Bottom line, don't you deserve to be happy....Truly happy? Staying in a relationship that continually makes you feel bad about yourself, won't miraculously make you happy by not giving up on it. Love and embrace your sassy single self and one day, what you ultimately desire for your personal journey will follow.
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