- Gender and Relationships
Is He Not Making The First Move?
Ladies when you find yourself attracted to a guy it can become confusing why he hasn't asked you out or tried to at least kiss you. There are a couple possible explanations. First, even though you are fabulous—and I'm sure a great catch—you might not be his type. I know hearing this is shocking—but it does happen—regardless if you have been most men's type before. Second, he could be the guy who doesn't have a playbook to go by—meaning, he either doesn't know how to make the first move, he is too shy, or he is not confident enough. This is why many times the nice guy finishes last. Third, he is playing hard to get—basically, he's playing games with your heart. Definitely not a guy worth your time.
Although many women want the nice guy, if he's unable to take the chance and ask us on a date or kiss us first, then we usually end up putting him in the "friend" zone. This isn't surprising since it can be difficult to find and sustain sexual chemistry with a guy who's too timid. Plus we don't want to always be the ones to do all the initiating. When a guy doesn't initiate, we can't help but wonder if he would even be good in bed or if we would end up having to tell him exactly what to do and where to find "it."
Yes I'm aware that this is the twenty-first century and women can make the first move—approach a guy first, give him our number first, call him first, ask him on a date first, initiate a kiss or sex first and even ask a man to marry us first—however, as women we still want to feel desired from a guy who chooses us thus making the first move. Also, let's be real, many times—especially sexually—when a women is the aggressor, she ends up getting labeled by men as being easy or slutty.
Guys, knowing when or if you should make the first move is important…
If you are feeling an emotional connection as well as a physical and sexual connection with a woman, then you don't want to wait too long before making a move or she will think you're not interested—causing her to lose interest in you. However, before making the first move, be sure she's wanting you too. Be confident when reading her—know without actually verbally asking her.
Confidence is important. Asking a woman if it's ok for you to ask her out or kiss her can put doubt in her head as to whether she actually wants you to—even if she thought she did prior to you asking. For example, asking permission before kissing can take away the passion. Instead, listen to her and pay attention to her vibe and not just what your penis is telling you to do. Don't come into her space unwarranted—read her body language first. This means...you are taking the time to know her, not just letting your libido strictly guide your decisions. You don't want to make a move on a woman who you find sexually attractive—who may not feel the same way about you.
When a woman is vibing with you, you will know...
- She will be very flirtatious
- She will look longingly into your eyes
- She will giggle and laugh a lot at your humor
- She will touch your arm, back or leg—a lot
- She will compliment you
- She will bite her lips in a flirtatious way
- If she has longer hair she will move it around playfully
- She will smile a lot in your presence
***Basically, there will be sexual heat you will feel radiating off of her when you are near her—aka—chemistry.
Unfortunately men, this isn't a precise check list for you to use in order to realize that a woman definitely likes you before making your move. Simply take your time to tune into the vibe she is putting off. Have confidence and trust what you feel. If she's not interested or not ready to take the relationship to the next level, trust me, she will let you know:
- She will pull away
- She will turn her cheek when you try and kiss her
- She will tell you No
- When seated at venues she will stay closed off—knees turned away and arms crossed
- She won't engage with you
- She won't make a lot of eye contact
- She won't make time for you—being "busy" will become her middle name
Here's the thing, I'm not saying that women should never attempt or make the first move, however, normally when a man makes the first move—and continues to try—it's because he's invested. Furthermore, as women, we have a need to be wanted emotionally and sexually that is different from men. Regardless of why a guy isn't making the first move, when he doesn't, then we feel he is not on the same page or there isn't a romantic connection.
I met a guy through mutual friends that I started hanging out with. He was funny, charismatic, kind, thoughtful, smart and a great listener—pretty much my type of guy. The longer we hung out the more I found myself attracted to him. Since I wasn't sure if the feelings were mutual, I gave him some signals. I was very flirtatious and touchy feely, I smiled a lot and found myself very school-girl giggly around him, but, he never reciprocated anything but platonic friendship in return. Ugh! Since I was single at the time of meeting this guy I had my profile on a dating site—and periodically I would get onto my page to see what men had contacted me—there was one guy in particular that peaked my interest by the way he was pursuing me.
This internet guy was emailing me constantly and his messages were not only flirtatious, they were also genuine—asking me personal questions that showed me he cared about me and what I liked. So, after several emails back and forth and a few phone calls I agreed to go out with him.
My guy "friend" was less than happy to hear that I began dating someone because he had feelings for me. What? How was I supposed to know since he never acted like I was anything but a good friend in his life—so of course, I placed him in the "friend-zone.” Hearing that he had romantic feelings for me was exciting but also frustrating because by the time he shared his feelings with me, I had already emotionally moved on.
Men, if you can't muster the confidence to make the first move then how will you ever know if you truly have chemistry with her to take the relationship to the next level? And furthermore, be compatible and forward with her in an actual partnership? In order to get her, you first need to win her heart with a kiss...and without question let her know that it's her you want! Don't miss your chance at love by letting someone else make all the right moves!