- Gender and Relationships
Is He Spontaneous Or Just Rude?
"In about 45mins I will be able to disappear (from work) for a couple hours. Want to spend it with me?" This can sounds not only enticing to hear from a guy that you've just started dating, it can also make you feel giddy and desirable. Knowing that a guy wants to see you, as well as make time for you does feel good—as long as the only time you see him, isn't always a last minute thought.
In the beginning when a guy wants to see you last minute it can feel thrilling and seem exciting. What woman's heart wouldn't skip a beat hearing a guy tell her that he has been thinking about her all morning and would love to take her to lunch in an hour or leave work to spend the rest of the afternoon together? This would leave any girl smiling from ear to ear. But, when seeing him last minute starts to become a habit, is it really romantically spontaneous or just plan lazy, rude and disrespectful?
Being spontaneous has it's time and place, however, when a guy can never or doesn't feel the need to make advanced plans to ever see you—this can be a red flag, and definitely a concern.
Most women like to have a day or several days notice of when they will be seeing a guy—especially if a woman is a planner or has a busy schedule. Since a woman's prep-time when getting ready is usually ninety percent of the time longer than a mans—it's nice to know exactly when you would be seeing each other.
Unless you're a woman who doesn't groom her bikini area, enjoys having hairy armpits and legs or doesn't need to tweeze her eyebrows or possibly her lady mustache, than seeing a guy last minute can end up being more stressful then necessary. And, if you are sexually intimate, the pressure of getting yourself together quickly can potentially be disastrous, toppled with annoyance—killing the excitement that should be there.
I realize that most men usually don't worry about the extensive grooming "details" to the degree that woman do in order to make themselves look, as well as feel sexy. However, a guy like this will still expect you to miraculously look fabulous, even when he calls last minute to hangout. Seriously? Why is it that if you don't have the proper time to look sexy—looking too "natural," he will have the nerve to say, "am I not worth you looking sexy for?" What woman doesn't enjoy smart-ass comments, especially when there was lack of a timeframe on his part?
Depending on what you do for work, when you workout (gym, yoga, etc) or what you were doing right before his call, would be the determining factor to how much time can be devoted to getting ready. However, regardless of any of those situations, the real question should be, "why can he never plan a pre-scheduled date with me?"
Is he really busy or just lazy?
There are men who will justify being busy as an excuse to why they can only see you last minute: he feels his time is soooo precious that you should be appreciative, flattered as well as understanding that any time he bequeaths to you, is an honor. In his eyes you should feel honored that he's able to give you any time with his o-so-busy schedule. Regardless, in his mind, if it's last minute, you should be available, even if that means dropping any plans you already have. Please!
If a guy is going to date you, he should put in the time to see you, and the effort to date you—making you feel special: aka planning dates, making adequate time and valuing you. How can a guy claim that he is incredibly busy, therefore last minute plans is the only way he can possibly see you. But, in the same BS sentence he's made advance plans with his friends, events, vacations and family things right in front of you? Or, when you talk about his weekend or month—it's already filled with activities. So which is it? Is he too busy to make plans ahead of time with you or does he not think you're important enough to make plans with?
I briefly dated a guy who defined spontaneity, aka: last minute dating plans. The only time that I would see him was when he would make plans with me an hour (sometimes two) before the actual time that he wanted to see me. Thrilling?!
At first I did feel flattered that he was squeezing time in to see me. This flattery feeling didn't last long when I realized that although he could never make an actually date with me—days ahead of time, he was able (and capable) of making plans with other people. It doesn't take a genius to realize that his time and heart were not fully invested in me. Hearing him tell me how much he liked me and enjoyed spending time with me, was a moot point when he didn't respect me and my time enough to make the effort to plan dates. His last minute date planning solidified that I was a last minute thought. Every woman's dream.
Who really wants to date a guy who only makes time for them (when most likely) previous plans were cancelled or changed...therefore leaving room for him to see you? Wouldn't you want to be the original plan, versus last minute? More importantly, don't you deserve for a guy to take the time to plan a scheduled date for you? I do.
Realizing the difference between a guy being spontaneous verse being a lazy dater, means knowing your own self-worth. I am all for spontaneity—once in a while, but all the time is just insulting.
The guy I dated would not only plan last minute dates to see me, he would also have the nerve to be upset if I wasn't available. The last time I had previous plans when he wanted to see me—one hour before I was meeting a friend, he texted me, "enjoy your plans. Won't make that mistake again." Wow! And then I didn't hear from him for over a week. Needless to say, after he was done pouting and finally called....I ended things.
A guy should never make you feel guilty for having other plans, when clearly he doesn't think that making plans with you is necessary. If you are important to him, he will want to reserve time in your life for the two of you—scheduling a day during the week, as well as a weekend night and any upcoming events you both would attend together.
Ladies, when you believe that finding love is as hard as finding a needle in a haystack, it can be easy to make excuses for the poor behavior that a guy is obviously displaying. At the end of the day, you need to determine for yourself if half-ass dating—which usually ends up being a roller coaster ride of emotions, is better than no relationship? When you know in your heart that you do deserve a great guy—who will treat you with love and respect, then you are opening your heart to finding just that. This doesn't mean that last minute plans should never occur, it just means that they shouldn't be the entire basis of your relationship—or he isn't spontaneous, he's just plain rude!