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Is she cheating? Catching a wily woman cheater

Updated on October 12, 2009

Doesn't she look innocent...

Men cheat all the time, but they tend to be stupid about it. They get messages from other women on their cellphones, they come home smelling of someone else's perfume, they leave panties in the glove box, and they come up with the same excuse every time “I'm working late.” They pretty much always eventually get caught because a man trying to cheat stealthily is kind of like a penguin trying to look informal, it's just not going to happen.

A woman, on the other hand, is much harder to catch. Another man won't leave lipstick on her collar, he's unlikely to deposit his panties in her glove box, and men never call anyway, so there's no phone records to speak of. So then, how does one catch a woman? Let's look at the signs of a cheating woman. I've broken this into two steps for ease of use.

Sign Number One, aka Phase One: She's nice to you

If she's been kicking your ass for the last three years about being a lazy asshole, never picking up after yourself, never calling, never dressing nice, never taking her anywhere, and all of a sudden she doesn't seem to mind any of that anymore, there is a good chance that she is straying. Most men are too stupid or arrogant to realize that her change in demeanor isn't because she's come around to the idea that they are the greatest man on earth. Beware, ego is the downfall of many an otherwise smart chappie.

Sign Number Two, aka Phase Two, aka The End: She dumps your ass.

Sadly, a great deal of men find out that their girlfriend has been cheating only once she's fled into the other man's arms. The prior stage, the nice stage, is the stage in which she lays the ground work. She's keeping you nice and buttered up so that her transition to her new man is a safe and happy one. Once she's left, that's when you find out that you've been screwed.

Evidence suggests that women are less likely to try to juggle two male partners who don't know about one another for very long. This is because women instinctively know that trying to do so is retarded. The exceptions to these rules come when the woman has married for money or status, and finds her husband to be an unattractive lump. In this case, the woman will stay in the first phase of the cheating process. However, unless you're a multi millionaire or a professional wrestler, or a ninja or something, you really don't have to worry about it.


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    • Neil Sperling profile image

      Neil Sperling 6 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

      LOL -- when the kitchen is too hot for comfort - both sexes will find a cooler kitchen at some point. I never cheated on my ex...... but was very much ready to do to just that but she walked out before I had the chance.... awesome news for me. LOL

    • Himitsu Shugisha profile image

      Himitsu Shugisha 8 years ago

      This is excellent and absolutely true.

    • Maylinda Arons profile image

      Maylinda Arons 9 years ago

      "Another man won't leave lipstick on her collar, he's unlikely to deposit his panties in her glove box, and men never call anyway, so there's no phone records to speak of." hahahahahah, lovely sentence. Nice hub.

    • privateye2500 profile image

      privateye2500 10 years ago from Canada, USA, London

      In a word - YES

      I am writing about this topic too!


    • Kenny Wordsmith profile image

      Ashok Rajagopalan 10 years ago from Chennai

      Hey, G-Ma, we should be! But I think she's not asking women to cheat, only telling men how to be aware of such a thing!

      Good hub, or men like me would never smarten up!

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 10 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Oh sad..i guess i am just to old to think we should always be honest and truthfull...and not hurt others...what goes around ...comes around...double. good luck ladies???G-ma :o)

    • profile image

      D LovelY 10 years ago

      hahaha... this is so true... i cheated on my ex boyfriend with my last boyfriend -lol- n this is sooo freakin tru man... it made me laugh.. good times, n yea if we cheat it wont b for long just long enough for us to be sure of our new fling =]