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Are You Obsessive in Relationships?

Updated on July 9, 2013

In the Name of Love

Obsession in the Name of Love

As a professional psychic counselor, I have seen in the name of love, how people deplete their lover’s energy. What they call love is obsession. Instead of light and flowing energy moving between the two people, it ends up resembling that ball and chain. Many of my clients shared a common trait-the need to be everything to a person. They become obsessed with staying the center of attention. This is a love that they thirst for, because they do not love themselves. This type of lover’s energy is disastrous. Their questions filter on the edge of calamity, with them holding on with their fingertips. Desperate voices and desperate moves are often traits of people who will rob their love one of bliss, all in the name of love.

Obsession is never love it is a misconception. The sad part is many do not even realize how obsessed they have become in the name of love. It is easier to see in another their obsession, yet we are in denial with our own. How can you tell if you are obsessed? The easiest way to relay this would give you an example of a typical person who seeks an answer to her romantic relationship.

Obsession and You

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Is this Obsession

Is this Obsession

Client Misconception calls me on the phone, exclaiming she needs a reading. There is desperation in her voice, but this is not obsession. I am well aware people call psychics, as a rule when they are facing an obstacle. After I give her clear instructions to only give me the question, and no history, I will tell her or him to take a few deep breaths. This helps to calm them a little, and for me to connect.

She takes in a few deep breaths and asks, “How do you see my relationship growing in the next few months?

As I tune in, I see they are separated. I also see the man she is asking about has another attachment (married, or mistress). I can also see this has happened before with her, but not with him. It appears she has repeated the pattern of dating men who are not faithful. The question she really wants answered, but has not announced it is will he come back, and will he stay faithful. Intuitively I do pick up that he does come back. Since she requested a 3 month reading, I can adjust the timing (though timing is never a given, which I do explain) and feel he will towards the end part of the 3 months. I also feel that this is the first time he has left her, and prior to this he seemed to be on-line often. It feels as if he might be carrying on long distance relationships through the internet. I ask her if he was on the internet often, and she exclaims, yes! She informs me that she wondered what he does in the middle of the night, when he gets out of bed and heads to the computer. She will ask me if his explanation is true, with his excuse being he cannot sleep, so he goes on to play games. It is very clear that trust in this relationship has deteriorated. She though now waits to see if he will come back. Even at this point, I cannot peg this as obsession. When I tell her he does come back, but I see him going back to his old behavior after a couple of months, her response alarms the obsession button in me. Her questions to me have nothing to do with the reading itself. She will ask certain questions of the following type:

Will he regret leaving me?

Will he regret leaving me, if he doesn’t come back?

Will he leave her? Usually followed with, does he understand she is a ‘bad’ woman?

Will he call me today?

When will I see him?

When will he call me?

What can I do to make him want me?

Tell me about this other woman?

Doesn’t he realize I am his soul mate?

Does he love me?

Does he love me?

Can you tell me what time he will call? (Yes, this question is asked more than most might realize)

Obsession Kills Relationships

Obsession Kills the Relationship

Do you wonder why this is obsession? Does she really love him? There was no reference to the reading, in her questions. There is also nothing asked on how they both can heal the energy of this relationship. The reading become obscure, as her little abandoned girl began speaking to me. The voice pattern would be similar to a child who has lost their parents in a store. Until he contacts her, she will continue to feel deserted. She needs him to feel secure, in the same way a little child needs their security blanket. . The hole in her is not because ‘he’ left; it is because she seeks to have the void inside filled. This also fits the ‘feeling’ I got that this is a typical type of relationship she is drawn too, when I first tuned into her. The energy of love for this woman is similar to the energy of an energy vampire. It is not about the ‘us’, but about how she needs to have his energy to fill fulfilled.

Questions that could have benefited her would have been, "why does he leave again"? How can I work on closing the door, so this is not repeated? You know Renee, I probably will take him back, but do you have recommendations on how to proceed so I can feel that I am protecting my own self? If she does ask about the other woman, and I state she too will be hurt, she will than say I didn’t consider she had feelings to for him. The other woman’s monster image is gone, and replaced with an honest account of the feelings she too possess for him.

Obsession occurs when we have the need to reduce the pain. Pain is inevitable in any loss. It is best to walk through it, not to try to escape. Another form of obsession is when I hear, oh well, I will go out and find another now or perhaps there is another in the back ground. They want this person to fill their void. They are trying to escape the pain. Escaping will only create more pain, and the healing heart cannot take place. In the end, this person never loved who they are; instead they seek another to make them feel whole.

Another tall-tale sign of obsession is also seen in those who live alone. I get this often as a reason. Renee I have been living alone for a long time, so I have no problem with it. That is not true, because with them asking the above questions, it indicates to me, even alone this person fills a hole in them. They believe they are in a relationship, which is better than none. All these examples indicate energy vampires who are obsessed with only getting their needs met.

Obsession will delude you and your excuses will comfort you, but in the long run it can destroy you. Love is acceptance to what is. If that person leaves you, you will hurt, but you will not try to manipulate them to come back. Love is learning to let go. It is possible, and until you can, you will always be in the cycle of unrealistic and unhealthy love. You are basking in a fantasy, and feeding it daily with your delusions. We do say goodbye, and it is a ghastly pain. We do the adult thing, and feel it, grow from it, and learn what was good, and what we will not wish to experience again. We begin our healing on love, by seeking out our patterns of past relationships, and learn them well. It is inevitable that they will pop-up again, usually with a different name and face. When we see these patterns playing in our head, we can step back and reprogram our mind. We do not need to accept this is how relationships work. We do have a choice. If you do not take time to heal your own self-loathing, abandonment issues, distrust and unworthiness, you will always attract the same type of personality. How can you attract differently? Think about this. You will always attract what you think your worth is. Do not fool yourself on this, for many who tell me their self-worth is a lot, is just a game. Your words and actions must be the same.

Free from Obsession

Moving Pass Obsession

The principles of stopping obsession are learning new ways to fulfill yourself with self-love. When you meet a person of interest, they are the icing of the cake, not the cake. Love is a deep emotional feeling, and always a risk, but when you love deeply yourself, taking that risk is as natural as taking it when you are out hunting to be filled by another’s love. The only difference is, the risk will not deplete you of your own energy. You will still be you who loves you. You are the healing energy of love, not the energy of obsession. Your cup is already full and keeps pouring out with or without a significant other.


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    • Renee Abbott profile imageAUTHOR

      Renee Abbott 

      5 years ago from Arizona

      Hi Violet Flame, first I am sorry that I never responded to your post. I have updated this, and perhaps you will find it helpful.

      Bright blessings to you


    • Violet Flame profile image

      Violet Flame 

      5 years ago from Auckland, NZ

      Hi Renee, what a brilliant piece of "inside information" from a psychic's point of view! You are indeed in a well placed position to be able to observe in so many women the well worn pattern of obsession. I can truly relate because I used to be one of them. Until one day I decided enough is enough and I must seek to first love and nurture my self. I seek to develop a relationship with my inner child and for her healing. I am not sure whether I've gone to the other extreme now and proud myself for loving my own company, lol. I wonder whether you could possibly extend that last paragraph? or maybe you have another hub about it that I haven't yet noticed. Thank you once again for a brilliant hub and the heart felt sharing from your rich experiences xoxo blessings xo


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