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How to Choose The Perfect Life Partner For You
Choosing a Life Partner
Choosing a life partner is a very important decision and should not be taken in a hurry. The three most important events in your life are the day you are born, the day you marry and the day you die. Of the three, you have no control over the first and the last. However, you can exercise considerable control over the day you marry and who you marry. Spending the rest of your life with another person can be a joyous and fulfilling experience, but you must pick someone with whom you are compatible.
A woman once told me, “I was married and I have a baby girl. The marriage did not work out. We were incompatible and that is why it didn’t work. It lasted only three months and before then I was already pregnant.” It is obvious that the young man and woman have no reason to have married in the first place if they took time to know themselves well before rushing into marriage. If they loved each other for what they were, the marriage would have survived, no matter how many mistakes they made along the way.
She must have married him because he appeared manly, was physically strong, and had demonstrated that he was capable of meeting the world and earning a good living. He must have been a man of every girl’s idea of the perfect romantic hero. The man must have been attracted to her because she was pretty and dainty, and possessed those feminine charms which appeal to every young man. They got married for all the wrong reasons and couldn’t find enough good ones to stay married because a successful marriage needs more than physical appearance.
For you to choose a life partner you must consider the following factors:
What are you looking for in a partner
Knowing what you need, will prevent you from becoming involved in a relationship with a person who ultimately does not share your dreams/goals. Choosing someone who shares a lot of common interests with you will work in your favor. Remember that all your interests don’t really have to be the same, but some would do. An Indian clinical psychologist and relationship expert, Seema Hingorrany said, “When you decide to spend your life with someone, you must look at things that the two of you would love to do together. For example, if you are a movie buff, you would ideally like to be with someone who enjoys movies as well. This will make your life interesting.”
You obviously cannot spend your life with someone who has no respect for you or your dreams/goals or personality. This is why you have to work on your weaknesses, before deciding to marry so that when the right person comes along, you don’t bring too much baggage to the relationship. Being confident and knowing what your principles and values are will not only attract a partner, but also help you to determine your compatibility with that person.
Have you avoided making mental reservations with respect to your proposed partner? The person who tries to keep his/her partner ignorant of facts, pertaining to himself/herself is running a definite risk of marital disharmony. It is better to inform each other all about you, even at the risk of a broken engagement, than to run the risk of misunderstandings after marriage. In this day and age, it is extremely important to choose someone you can trust. You definitely cannot have a happy marriage if you cannot trust each other.
There are several reasons why teenage marriages are undesirable. Financial security is not easily attended during the teens. Very young couple must either continue to live under the parent’s roof or struggle against such hardships as may cause them to regret venturing into marriage. Under ideal circumstances marriage should be practiced in an independent atmosphere.
Dan and Paulina walked into Paulina’s parents’ home. They had just come to tell her parents that they were in love and was planning to marry. Dan was twenty and Paulina was eighteen. Dan had a year of college ahead. Paulina had just left high school. They had met in Paulina’s girlfriend’s birthday three months ago, had started seeing each other regularly, and two weeks ago decided that they should marry. They had since seen each other every day and evening; now they wanted to get married this weekend.
When Paulina’s father told Dan that he had neither the money nor the job to start a marriage, Dan became angry and picked his gear, and told Paulina to follow him. Her parents had been supportive of their feelings and were trying to get them to think about all the responsibilities marriage demands. For every argument Paulina’s parents introduced, the couple replied with determination to override them. Finally, tired of resisting her parents, Dan declared; “It’s no use, Paulina. They simply don’t understand. We can’t wait anymore. There is nothing you can think of that we can’t handle; we love each other, and that’s the most important thing in the world. You ought to know that.” The young couple got up, carried their belongings, and left.
They were married that afternoon by a priest in a small church. They moved to an apartment, Dan dropped out of school, and started working. Paulina was expecting after about five months. Soon after the child was born, Dan left her. He didn’t want any competition for his time with her. Also, the glamour of being in love was gone.
Dan and Paulina had good intentions. Their feelings were quite genuine, but their understanding of what keeps couples together was poor. They needed more than being in love to marry.
Louis de Bernieres wrote, “Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”
Then turning to the caring but defeated parents, he said, “You see, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, Paulina and I love each other. We care so deeply for one another that there is nothing that can keep us apart. You mean well, but you don’t understand. We can’t wait anymore. Being apart
Parents and parents-in-law
Have you met the parents of your spouse-to-be and are you willing to assume the responsibilities of a daughter-in-law or son-in-law should these responsibilities come your way? If you intend to make reservation in this matter, such reservations should be frankly discussed before marriage. But if the above can be answered in the affirmative, then you need not hesitate to offer yourself in marriage.
Have you maintained family relations with your own parents? Your chances of marital happiness are better if the answer is definitely yes. Many young people resent their parents’ insistence on being consulted regarding the choice of who to marry. They fail to realize that their parents have a just reason for being concerned in the future of their children, and for realizing that matrimony is a serious business. Having the advantage of longer experience and broader perspective, parents desire to protect their children from the adverse consequences of rash decisions like the case of Dan and Paulina. However, it is absolutely wrong to force their children to marry individuals of their choice who their children have no affection for. This is very common in undeveloped countries of the world.
While choosing a life partner, you need to consider his or her background and family standards. Though, there is nothing wrong choosing someone who possibly does not belong to the strata of society as yours, but make sure that he/she is not completely off the mark. The question sometime arises regarding the suitability of two people of widely different social, educational and cultural backgrounds. The similarity of background tends to simplify the adjustment to married life. If you are a laid-back person and your partner is an achiever that could lead to threat in your marriage. The greatest challenge for adjustments usual occurs, where the wife has received better education than her husband. Such situation gives the husband, a sense of inferiority and deprives the wife of that satisfaction which would have come from her husband’s being able to revolve in the same social circle.
Was your parents’ marriage a success? If the answer is no, you may not understand just what it takes to make a happy home. The person who was reared in a divided home, however, has had an opportunity to observe the tragedy of disharmony, and may have developed such a strong determination to establish a happy home of his own as to offset the disadvantages of his unfortunate childhood experience. And this is my case. This is also I have been writing to encourage married people to stay married.
Religious affiliation cannot be ignored when contemplating marriage. The common bond of religious faith makes for easier adjustments and provides assurance of continued harmony in the home. Membership of different religion is a serious threat to marital happiness except if properly discussed and agreement reached before marriage. This will permit the children to be reared in harmony of one particular religion because religious injunctions virtually help in the development of the personality.
If you are having serious doubts about marrying postpone the marriage. Marriage is not an experiment or trial run. Marriage is a once-and-for-all union, so you must sure of what you want before you start. Permanence is not valued in our culture today, but it’s valued by our God, the one who established marriage.
You should be excited, happy and eager to spend the rest of your life with the partner of your choice. Nervousness is common at this time, but if you notice you have a negative attitude toward your fiancée/fiancé, the wise decision is to wait. Even if the wedding invitations have been sent out, it is better to cancel than to enter marriage with the wrong person or at the wrong time. Do not try to compromise on the person you marry or you would have started on a long journey of pain and unhappiness. Never, ever, allow a person to be abusive with you, verbally or physically. It is not acceptable and you must run away as fast as you can.
Marriage is made even harder these days by the world’s view of men, women, marriage, and family. What the world preaches certainly is not what God had in mind when He made us in His image, instituted marriage, and declared it good.