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How To Forget Someone You Love: It Takes 15 Months and 27 Days To Forget An Intimate Lover

Updated on April 28, 2019
Xavier Ludwig profile image

I am a blogger, a lover of psychology (Eric Fromm is my Guy), a digital nomad and just a lover of life in general.

How To Forget Someone You Love

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Memories

Trying to learn how to forget someone you love can be... challenging to say the least. The Memories. The Good Times. The Bad Times. The fantasies of what they are doing, and who they are doing it with, can drive some people...MAD.

These thoughts can make it very hard to forget someone we once loved. And it can make many of us feel like we are nothing without them.

For many of us out there we base our worth on how our partner makes us feel. And this is wholly evident in people who STAY in a bad relationship. They love their partners so much, and they think that if they are not with them, they will never be with someone else.

Or worse they feel that they CANNOT be with someone else.

But...that is a lie.

And that is a serious fragmentation of your emotional development.

So in this article, I will be going over how you can forget someone you love and how you can move on in life.

You torture yourself every day when you fixate on their love while they don't even care about you OR have moved on with their lives.

Give Yourself Time To Get To Know Yourself

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As mentioned above, you probably have learned to define your worth by being with your partner (ex-partner). You may have felt like they were your WORLD. Your EVERYTHING.

And this type of love...is NOT rare.

But it doesn't make it real love or good love.

See, the idea that you make someone your world is incredibly detrimental to your emotional state. And this is evident in your current emotional destruction.

Being away from your lover NOW and just being by yourself can help you get back, or get in touch, with who YOU ARE.

You have defined who you are with that person and now that they have moved on it is crushing you, hurting you...killing you; inside of course.

But understand that it is not the person that has left that is the problem -- but YOU who is making the breakup the problem.

  • You may feel like you don't like yourself.
  • You may feel like you aren't good enough.
  • You may feel like you don't love yourself.

But if you don't feel these ways about yourself...how can you ever expect others to feel that way as well???????????????

HMM??

This time that you are alone with yourself should give you the time to go on a date with yourself.

To Pamper yourself as much as you would for your partner.

Better yet -- to pamper yourself as much as you would want that person to pamper you.

If you aren't doing it for yourself then it is superlatively greedy and selfish to dare demand it from anyone else.

Hey...I'm just saying.

15 Months and 27 Days

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It has been said that it takes 15 months and 27 days to forget a loved one.

Of course, this is all subjective.

For some people, they can go to their graves still...STILL wanting to be loved by that singular person.

And that...that is a FUCKING LUDICROUS way to live your life.

Life is a gift.

And if someone cannot see the value in who you are then it is time to move on and find someone who can value your worth.

Now, I do know that there are some who may have pushed the person away and did so in a way that now makes that person no longer want to be with them.

As much as you may not like this answer, provided below, this is something you will have to do.

You will need to apologize for the wrong you have done. The apology is to help you come to some closure with that person.

Will they forgive you?

That depends on the person.

But you need to apologize otherwise that guilt will rob you of positive emotions.

The next thing you will need to do is get rid of everything in your house/apartment that reminds you of that person.

Why?

Because you will be triggered.

You have to de-trigger yourself by removing anything that will remind you of that person.

This is only a temporary thing though.

As there may be a song that comes on the radio or a movie you watched or the restaurant your both went to that will ultimately trigger you.

But removing it will help to give you the strength to, at least start to, forget the person, and that is so crucial.

Understand that this isn't cruel -- but it is helping you to move on with your life.

If you can do this for the time allotted above you will slowly start to get back the self-worth that you GAVE to someone else.

AGAIN...this is all subjective.

Discover Your Passion

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Lastly, you will want to discover your passion in life.

You will be amazed at how doing something you love will take your mind off of that previous lover.

Now, this is not so much about distracting yourself -- but it is a great way to re-channel that unbridled love you had for someone and place it into something that will benefit your life overall.

What you DON'T want to do at this time is:

  • Listen to sad music
  • Feel sorry for yourself
  • Fall into a depressive state and let it consume you
  • Do NOTHING productive
  • BEG FOR THEM TO TAKE YOU BACK

You may have lost that person forever -- but in finding yourself and finding your passion...you will be the better for it.

Do You Agree That You Can Get Over A Lover?

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Sound Off Below

I know there are many who may disagree...and that is cool as hell. If you disagree please let me know below. I would be curious to hear YOUR PERSPECTIVE; as well all have different perspectives in life.

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    • Xavier Ludwig profile imageAUTHOR

      Xavier Ludwig 

      9 months ago from Wherever I feel like

      Man...I absolutely love that last line.

      "In a world with over 7 Billion people, rejection just means: Next!"

      If you don't mind I will use that for my next article (of course giving you credit as well).

      Yes, I wholly agree that most people hold out because they are seeking reconciliation. They have been so CONDITIONED, or their mental conditions have gotten them to believe that, to argue and fight to then just break up to make up is a sign of love.

      We know that most people are highly impressionable and even worse are people who have mental illnesses like BPD -- who push people away just to see if they will come fighting for them.

      I highly recommend that you give this book a look called "I hate you don't leave me".

      I think this is a huge factor in why so many people play the breakup just to make up game.

      "Initially after a breakup people (choose) to shrink their world."

      Again you are so right on this. It is sad how people consciously shrink their world just for some pipedream of reuniting with someone.

      Then fall into a state of depression which they can climb out of ANY TIME THAT THEY CHOOSE TO.

      It is sad losing a relationship but it is WORSE LOSING YOURSELF in the process.

      It is never okay to lose who you are to be loved by someone else.

      But sadly most people do not know or do not care to even appreciate their individual value.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      9 months ago from Chicago

      Great advice!

      The reason why so many people have such a difficult time moving on is because deep down they still hope for a reconciliation.

      In order to "move on" must first "let go".

      A large part of the "fairytale" for a "happily ever ending" involves drama, messiness, breakups, and finally getting back together.

      In the U.S. many people reach out to their exes via social media such as Facebook, Snapchat, and even Classmates.com for possible reunions with ex high school lovers.

      Initially after a breakup people (choose) to shrink their world.

      They opt to avoid all things which give them pleasure, avoid those who are positive & upbeat, and steer clear of anyone who might offer them advice or help them put things in perspective.

      In essence they actually want to wallow in depression.

      I suppose some of that is normal but after a few weeks or months most people realize they still have {a life} to live!

      I'm not sure if it's even possible to "forget an ex" but I do know it's possible to (replace your ex). Couples who have gone through divorce often find new love and remarry. Almost every living person who has a "first love" turns out that's not their "last love"!

      "A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn." - Helen Keller

      In order for your (ex) to have been "the one" he/she would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soulmate" is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa)

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

      Every ending is a new beginning!

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