ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

It's Better Than Being Alone?

Updated on February 14, 2020

I’ve known people who have stayed in a relationship even though they aren’t truly happy — most would call that settling.

And I’ve seen people who have gone from relationship to relationship, never taking the time in between to have a break and be with themselves.

There’s something these people have in common — they are avoiding being on their own.

But why? What is it about being alone that they’re avoiding?

Is it fear?
Is it neediness?
Or is there something we aren’t seeing on the surface that leads people to jump from person to person or stay in a bad relationship?


There’s a good percentage of people out there that are in relationships where one or both of them are settling. They’re not truly in love or happy with the relationship but they won’t leave no matter how dull or miserable they feel in their life because of it.

Maybe they can’t be bothered leaving because what they have is better than what they’d have if they were alone. Anyone’s company is better than their own company. And finding someone who will truly love them is either too difficult or too scary, or it may even seem impossible.

Perhaps it could even be because they’re satisfied with what they have, so why would they leave and ruin that satisfaction?

Suprising, right?

Well, it turns out those who have low self-esteem have low standards. That part isn’t surprising, but what this means is that they’re willing to put up with a crappy partner because they’re expectations are being met — they’re very low expectations may I add. And when your expectations are so low that someone horrible can fulfill them then, of course, you are going to feel content with your misery in some way.

So, to them being satisfied and having a relationship feels a lot more secure than being on their own.

Going From One Relationship to the Next

Much like those who settle, the people that are never single for long are also more content with some sort of relationship compared to being alone.

It could be out of boredom that they flit from person to person. It doesn’t even need to be a relationship, this could also mean they string someone along or have a friends with benefits type of situation.

This obviously has to do with something deep within themselves that they’re avoiding — perhaps the need to feel validated and wanted by others, or maybe they just don’t know how to be alone with themselves.

But being needy for validation, companionship, and love won’t stop until it comes from within. I know, it’s so cliche, right? But when we lack self-love there’s always going to be an emptiness no one and nothing else can fill except ourselves. It’s a painfully hard journey to go on at times but it is worth it. Always looking for someone to love us, validate us or stay with us is harder in the long run.

Fear and Neediness

Fear and neediness is a toxic combination to have. And the biggest reason people end up with these two things is usually because of something that happened which left them feeling this way.

To be alone brings up the fear that they believe to be true — that no one enjoys their company. And with that fear comes neediness — the need to prove the fear wrong.

It’s a cycle that’s hard to break because there will be so many old traumas that are rooted in these two things.

The mind is a trickster. So, for example, a person who jumps from relationship to relationship and never stays single long may have been shown as a child that they’re company wasn’t something their parents wanted around and that might be where some of the neediness stems from.

As they grew up that fear of being unwanted was continuously ‘validated’ by other people. This may be what led to the ego needing to prove that they were wanted. And one of the ways to prove that is to avoid being alone in their own company and find someone, anyone to validate them. It’s a bitter game the mind and ego play on us as humans

But that is just one example. There are so many different reasons why a person fears being alone and it’s up to them to figure it out.

So is it Better Than Being Alone?

Personally I would rather be alone than being in an unfulfilling relationship. Everyone has free will to choose what it is that they want. If they want to settle for less then go ahead. If people want to be needy for validation and want to live in fear then that’s fine. But life won’t be half as satisfying if you choose to live from a place of fear. And yes, I know that avoiding your problems seems easier but going down the path of freedom will make you feel lighter somehow. The world around you will change in amazing ways if you make choices from a place of self-love.

Choose you, always.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Brenda Arledge profile image


      13 months ago from Washington Court House

      This is an interesting article, I can see how someone believes it is "settling".

      It is great to find and share that once in a lifetime kind of love, but each of us have been raised quite differently.

      So sometimes others don't respond the way your mind thinks one should.

      As one get older and the years have graced them with love before only to find oneself alone he sometimes wants that feeling of a useful purpose.

      Still sharing a deep loving care willing to be there for one another, but not that kind of love told in fairy tales.

      It is indeed a much stronger bond. One worth sharing.

      Thanks for the read.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      13 months ago from Chicago

      "Well, it turns out those who have low self-esteem have low standards. That part isn’t surprising, but what this means is that they’re willing to put up with a crappy partner because their expectations are being met — their very low expectations may I add. And when your expectations are so low that someone horrible can fulfill them then, of course, you are going to feel content .."

      Very true! If someone is "content" that's not really settling!

      The truth of the matter people always choose what THEY think is their BEST option based upon the EFFORT or COST required of THEM. Imagine being presented with two cars.

      1. The first car is a 2020 Audi 8 fully equipped.

      2. The other car is a rusty 1972 Ford Gremlin

      However in order to get the first car you are required to run/walk a marathon. As for the second car you can drive off right now in it.

      A lot of people want what comes EASY or they're willing to take what life offers them. It's not so much that they are "settling" but rather they don't want to have to {expend effort} attempting to have better!

      Another thing people are fond of doing is telling themselves they "settled" when in fact what they have was the "best option" available to them. It's not settling if I choose the best of what's there!

      Last but not least some people LOVE drama and challenges!

      For example some young women go through a "bad boy" phase.

      You could stick such a woman in a room with five guys and have four of them drop to their knees extending their heart out towards her while the 5th guy sits in a corner sipping a cocktail acting as if she does not exist. That will be the guy she wants to get to know!

      She sees him as a "mystery", a "challenge", someone who will make her (earn) his attention and affection. If she learns other women want him as well that makes him even more valuable.

      A lot of these types of women love "puzzles" when it comes to relationships. They enjoy trying to "figure out" if a guy loves them or what he meant when he said this or that...Is he cheating? and so on.

      When they meet a "nice guy" they'll put him their "friend zone".

      A guy who offers love, loyalty, reliability, and showers them with kindness is considered BORING. She wants an ADVENTURE.

      Love which (comes easily) isn't valued by a lot of people.

      The best "love stories" in books and movies always involve couples not having a "smooth ride". They're always dealing with obstacles, drama, yelling/crying, breakups, makeups, before there is a happy ending. This explains why people avoid "compatible partners".

      They expect/want the "fairytale" of the love roller coaster ride.

      If you're unhappy in a relationship and choose to stay you are choosing to be unhappy. No one is "stuck" with anyone!

      Suffering is optional.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)