It's Better Than Being Alone?
I’ve known people who have stayed in a relationship even though they aren’t truly happy — most would call that settling.
And I’ve seen people who have gone from relationship to relationship, never taking the time in between to have a break and be with themselves.
There’s something these people have in common — they are avoiding being on their own.
But why? What is it about being alone that they’re avoiding?
Is it fear?
Is it neediness?
Or is there something we aren’t seeing on the surface that leads people to jump from person to person or stay in a bad relationship?
There’s a good percentage of people out there that are in relationships where one or both of them are settling. They’re not truly in love or happy with the relationship but they won’t leave no matter how dull or miserable they feel in their life because of it.
Maybe they can’t be bothered leaving because what they have is better than what they’d have if they were alone. Anyone’s company is better than their own company. And finding someone who will truly love them is either too difficult or too scary, or it may even seem impossible.
Perhaps it could even be because they’re satisfied with what they have, so why would they leave and ruin that satisfaction?
Well, it turns out those who have low self-esteem have low standards. That part isn’t surprising, but what this means is that they’re willing to put up with a crappy partner because they’re expectations are being met — they’re very low expectations may I add. And when your expectations are so low that someone horrible can fulfill them then, of course, you are going to feel content with your misery in some way.
So, to them being satisfied and having a relationship feels a lot more secure than being on their own.
Going From One Relationship to the Next
Much like those who settle, the people that are never single for long are also more content with some sort of relationship compared to being alone.
It could be out of boredom that they flit from person to person. It doesn’t even need to be a relationship, this could also mean they string someone along or have a friends with benefits type of situation.
This obviously has to do with something deep within themselves that they’re avoiding — perhaps the need to feel validated and wanted by others, or maybe they just don’t know how to be alone with themselves.
But being needy for validation, companionship, and love won’t stop until it comes from within. I know, it’s so cliche, right? But when we lack self-love there’s always going to be an emptiness no one and nothing else can fill except ourselves. It’s a painfully hard journey to go on at times but it is worth it. Always looking for someone to love us, validate us or stay with us is harder in the long run.
Fear and Neediness
Fear and neediness is a toxic combination to have. And the biggest reason people end up with these two things is usually because of something that happened which left them feeling this way.
To be alone brings up the fear that they believe to be true — that no one enjoys their company. And with that fear comes neediness — the need to prove the fear wrong.
It’s a cycle that’s hard to break because there will be so many old traumas that are rooted in these two things.
The mind is a trickster. So, for example, a person who jumps from relationship to relationship and never stays single long may have been shown as a child that they’re company wasn’t something their parents wanted around and that might be where some of the neediness stems from.
As they grew up that fear of being unwanted was continuously ‘validated’ by other people. This may be what led to the ego needing to prove that they were wanted. And one of the ways to prove that is to avoid being alone in their own company and find someone, anyone to validate them. It’s a bitter game the mind and ego play on us as humans
But that is just one example. There are so many different reasons why a person fears being alone and it’s up to them to figure it out.
So is it Better Than Being Alone?
Personally I would rather be alone than being in an unfulfilling relationship. Everyone has free will to choose what it is that they want. If they want to settle for less then go ahead. If people want to be needy for validation and want to live in fear then that’s fine. But life won’t be half as satisfying if you choose to live from a place of fear. And yes, I know that avoiding your problems seems easier but going down the path of freedom will make you feel lighter somehow. The world around you will change in amazing ways if you make choices from a place of self-love.
Choose you, always.