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What is Love? Is it a Jar of Jam?

Updated on August 19, 2016

A Jar of Jam

Dear reader,

Forget everything for a moment and think about a jar of strawberry jam. Or else think about anything sweet and tasty which makes you hungry. It may be Nutella, a piece of chocolate cake or a Starbucks Vanilla latte or pizza. Think of it and think why you like it. If you feel hungry just by listening the word “Nutella” or “Starbucks” then it means that it matches your desires. A piece of cake can be the medicine for your hunger as it is the thing that YOU WANT.

Now stop thinking about food. Your question is “what is love?” and here is my answer. The world is seeking love. It is something that the world can not live without. Starting from Romeo and Juliet we have heard thousands of love stories. I say, all of us seek love everyday in every person and in every situation. That is because of our need to gain special attention and care. We need a “shoulder” to lean on when we are sad and desperate. We need a “recorder” to listen all the good and bad things happen to us. We need a “therapist” to get advices for all our problems. True, we all need that. When we see that special person, we think he or she can be the aforesaid Nutella or the piece of cake which makes you happy (not hungry ;-)) however the problem is that we seek a specific person to be that “shoulder”, ”recorder” and the “therapist”. Sometimes that specific person is unable to be the “shoulder” but he or she is the best “recorder”. Sometimes he or she can not be the “therapist” but that person is the best "shoulder" to lean on. So this is the place where the conflicts occur. We want our “piece of cake” to be perfect. We expect everything from him/her. So what happens? You start to think that love is stupid, love is blind, love ruined me…etc.

What is Love?

So what is actually love? Is it stupid or blind? No, it is not. You are the one who is blind and stupid. This happens to all of us including this writer. Yes we all are looking for a perfect partner. We have “great expectations”. We want he or she to be only with us. Dear reader, love is not a jar of jam which ends after you apply it on two loaves of bread. It is eternal and is for everyone. It has no limits. Try to spread your love around the world. Do not be afraid to tell a person that you love him or her. He or she may not be that specific person you want to find. Do not worry. Your life partner is not the only one whom you can love. Love your parents, family, friends, neighbors…love your enemies, love the people you know and you do not know. This may appear as something stupid at first. I know your question. Why should we love others if they do not even know us? Why should we love them if they can not be our “shoulders”, “recorders” and “therapists”?. I have the answer. Speaking about my personal experience, once I sent a message to a guy I knew admiring his leadership qualities and talents (he was a good Rugger player!). I said that I like him because of the good qualities and talents of him. I thought that he will be happy to see such an admiring message. I expected a “thank you!” from him but what he sent was four ugly letters. ”Fuck!” it was his reply for my message. I was hurt and worried. I did not see any fault of my message and I could not understand the reason for him to send me such an answer. However the reason for my pain after reading his message was the result of my “expectations”. I wanted to see a positive reply from him, but as I got the worst answer, I was frustrated. This happens to most of us in human relationships. I learnt a big lesson from his message. “Never expect something back when you give something to someone!”. Still I tell people that I love them, but I am not expecting positive answers. I do not seek a “shoulder”, ”recorder” or a “therapist” in a specific person, but I try be a combination of all of them. I was able to find “shoulders”, “therapists” and “recorders” in many people, all of them had different qualities, none of them were the same. Some pay attention to me and some just ignore me. But still, I love them all.

Let's spread Love

This is what the Lord Buddha and Jesus Christ taught us. The beauty and the eternality of love lies under the pureness and the simplicity of our hearts. Reader, remember “love” is not a jar of strawberry jam. It will never end. Do not be afraid to express it. Do not wait to express it. Do not be afraid of the result. Just feel free to express it. Love the whole world and the you will find hundreds of “jam jars, bottles of Nutella and Starbucks lattes” around you.

Cheers!

© 2016 Anuththara Ekeli

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 16 months ago

      Love is an emotion or strong feeling someone has towards another where they care about another person's overall welfare.

      There are different types of love such as parental, platonic/friendship, and romantic. The one type that often confuses people is romantic love.

      Everyone has their own idea of what romantic love is "suppose to look like", feel like, and how one should be or act like if they're "in love".

      Whenever someone doesn't match (our expectations) we proclaim they don't love us. "If you really loved me you would....etc"

      We stupidly assume that when someone tells us they love us it means they define that statement the same as us!

      It's common to later hear someone say:

      "I love you BUT I'm not "in love" with you." Essentially what that person is saying is they (care a lot) about you but they don't see you as being "the one" for them! They're not envisioning a marriage down the road.

      Lets say there is wife whose husband never buys her cards, flowers, or gifts, and never makes any real romantic gestures such as making a breakfast in bed or arranging weekend getaways. She may (feel) unloved.

      However imagine an intruder breaking into their home and this man sacrifices his life to protect her. Can anyone say he didn't love her???

      Therefore in reality our goal is not so much to find someone who "loves us" but rather someone who loves us (they way) we want to be loved! Whenever someone does not live up to our expectations we don't (feel) loved even if the person actually does love us.

      Another factor is relationship experience, age, and maturity.

      When it comes to love and relationships most of (fail our way) to success. Not everyone you fall "in love" with will fall in love with you. Rarely does someone hit a homerun their first, second, or third time up at bat. If this weren't true we'd all end up married to our high school sweethearts!

      When you're young or inexperienced it's also possible to confuse "infatuation" and "sex" with love.

      All (new relationships) usually have an infatuation phase that lasts anywhere from 3-6 months and sometimes longer. It's that period where laughter comes easily, long talks, exchanging cards and token gifts "just because", sex is passionate, and both people bend over backwards to (impress one another) and try to avoid saying "no" to any suggestion.

      They make each other's happiness their top priority!

      Until one has experienced this a (few times) they can easily be lulled into believing they have found their "soul-mate"!

      The reality is you don't really know you love someone and they love you until after you've seen each other's "authentic selves", realized your differences, and had some major disagreements. That's when you'll have enough information to determine if you love each other as you (truly) are. Sadly for a lot of people when they realized the answer is "no" they still continue to invest time and emotion into the relationship because they (remember how things were in the beginning).

      Deep down they foolishly hope they get back to that origin.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who simply does NOT want what you want.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      I suspect that athlete who used a curse word in his response to your compliment did not think of you as being a "fan" but rather as some girl who wanted to date him. Even if he had no romantic interest in you his response was rude and completely inappropriate.

      All he had to do at that point was to say: "Thank you."