Jealousy Do We Ever Grow Out of the Green Eyed Monster?
Jealousy. What a horrible word! And what's worse, it leaves a horrible nasty feeling in your stomach when you get it. Jealousy is one of those emotions that start when we are children and carry on through our teens.
So, do we grow out of it when we get to real adulthood? And if not, why? Surely by the time we hit our 30s or 40s we should be emotionally settled enough to let that horrible green eyed monster go!
But sometimes, it sneaks back in when we don't expect it. And then we suddenly start to feel that horrible creeping sensation in our stomachs, we don't eat,and bam, here comes that jealousy!
But what makes a grown adult start to feel like a a jealous teen again?
Keep Your Hands Off Bitch!
Sometimes jealousy can be caused by the most obvious things. If you are happily married for example, and suddenly a cougar, yep one of those women, moves in next door.
And guess what? Yes she needs someone to do the electrics, maybe clear out the garage and she really needs, I mean, really needs...your man to help her!
To start with you don't mind. Its just a couple of jobs, she's on her own and well you feel sorry for her!
Then that horrible jealous feeling starts to pull on your gut. Is she trying to get it on with your hubby? You start to watch out for signs, and yes you will see them! But only in your mind.
And that's the trouble with jealousy. You start to imagine. And I mean imagine big time!
How To Deal With Jealousy!
Broken, And For What?
Did you know that a lot of marriages fail because one partner begins to distrust the other one? The poor guy, or girl won't have done a darn thing, but that doesn't matter. You know something is going on, and you will get the truth out of them one way or another.
The bad feeling starts to eat you up. And you can't control it. Next second you are walking out the door, getting a divorce, and for what? Your imagination!
Yes I know, I can hear you yelling at the computer. What happens if he is cheating? That's a different matter all together. Cheating is a fact. Jealousy on the other hand is your horrible little devil on your shoulder whispering in your ear, 'He is cheating, he is going to leave you'. And so on.
But there is a difference between reality and your mind playing tricks.
Jealousy, Not Just The Green Eyed Monster.
Okay, so we have covered the obvious. But what about the other type of jealousy? The one that creeps in and sucks you dry. But you have no idea what to center it on.
What's making you feel this way? Why are you acting suspicious of everybody and every darn thing? And what's worse is that the people around you can tell you are acting strange. And they start to look at you suspiciously.
The trouble with that is, you then go on to believe that yes, they are definitely up to something! Big horrible jealousy circle!
You know what I think? Insecurity!
Ooh So Jealous!
- Someone else got that job you really wanted.
- You see your guy or girl out with someone else.
- Your fat, or so you think, so you get jealous of thin girls or guys.
- Someone you know has just won the lottery!
- Why does she always get the good looking guys?
- How come she/he has all those friends?
- They bought a new house! How did they manage that?
- They are going on another vacation? What?!
Losing Your Way.
Something has kicked that jealousy into place. So what's happened recently that's made you feel insecure? I know the answer to that. Big time.
Recently I lost my best friend. It was a nightmare. Two years ago I also lost my friend of 40 years. This is the first time in my life when I don't have a real close friend.
And that is what caused me to panic. I didn't realise at the time why I had started to feel this way.
I began acting strange. When I talked to other people, especially relatives of my friend who I had sort of been close too I began to think, hang on now what?
The trouble is, you try to overcompensate by smiling a lot, making out that you are really interested in what they are saying, but underneath it, oh dear, trust me, underneath the smile you are feeling so darn left out.
Losing A Friend.
Why? Good question. Because you no longer know your place.
Life is a bit like a giant chess board. We all stand on the various squares, make our place comfortable and sit there.
We go out with those friends. We have dinner, maybe go to a club, and so on. Sometimes the other relatives, daughters, sons and so on come to.
But now the main Queen or King has gone. What do you do? See the relatives? Keep away? What?
And more importantly, do you climb up the board and change squares.
In other words, do you try to fill the gap? or back off. And there we have it. The jealousy kicks in. You see them going out with their friends. Where do you fit in?
Or don't you?
Its not easy.
Make New Friends!
Most of us have other friends that we can compensate with. Maybe incorporate your lost friends relatives with your other mates.
But what if you don't have other friends around you? Maybe they have moved on someplace else, or died?
You have two choices. Simple as that.
You either step back, feel jealous and get so darn depressed you don't know what to do with yourself, or you pick yourself up and carry on.
But carry on where? How?
Things You Should Do To Get Rid of that Green Eyed Monster
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself. There are others suffering too.
- Get out and meet some new people.
- Join a club or start an evening class
- Make more effort to see your lost friends relatives.
- Make arrangements to go out with them. Invite them round and so on.
- Take time out to babysit for them.
- And last but not least, let them know you are still there for them if they need you.
Here's a thought. Maybe they want you in their lives, but are too scared or don't know how to say it to you!
Ah you never thought of that did you? Okay, what happens if they want to move on without you?
Well, you just have to bite the bullet so to speak. Stop feeling jealous and resentful, and go out there and make a new set of friends.
You will never forget your lost best friend. But there are plenty of lonely people out there. Its just a matter of finding them.
And what you have to remember is, there are other people out there just like you!
How To Nip Jealousy in the Bud.
Stop and think. Why are you jealous? What started it off in the first place? Have the other people been acting strangely or is it just you?
Remember your insecurities. Work through them and try to figure out a solution. Don't be false when you speak to them and constantly on the look out for a rebuff. They could well be acting strangely because they sense it in you.
Whatever the situation there are ways of sorting it out. The first thing you must always do is this.
Think before you speak, and keep smiling.
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© 2014 Nell Rose