Jealousy In Relationships
Envy is the most stupid of vices, for there is no single advantage to be gained from it. ~Honore de Balzac
Do You Get Jealous?
I'm Envious Of You So I'll Take It Out On Me!
We all know the feeling. It’s that feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you miserable and sick and just an ugly person all around.
It can occur in all kinds of relationships whether it is friendship, lovers, neighbours, or co-workers. It doesn’t matter whom or what you are jealous of the emotion is still the emotion. I’ve found that there are really only a few levels of Jealousy.
- There’s a little Jealous. Meaning you only think about it occasionally like when you see your partner checking someone else out or having a good time with someone else.
- There’s really jealous which involves thinking about something all the time whether it’s true or not and pondering it and going over it in your mind.
- Then there’s extremely jealous. The blinding jealousy that you just can’t seem to overcome and it consumes you every waking thought.
It can occur over anything and everything from a peanut to a person. But honestly all you are doing is making yourself feel bad.
It doesn't matter if you are just a little upset or really upset you are literally making yourself sick over something that doesn't deserve your energy.
Would you rather spend your time exerting your energy on happiness or on jealousy?
Jealousy: Pointless Nonsense
It may come from our boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife looking at other people in a way we think they should only be looking at us.
Or maybe it’s our neighbors new car or RV that we really like, and we become envious of them and feel like we should have something better than they do.
Or maybe it's the co-worker, who for whatever reason, has the boss wrapped around their fingers.
This kind of jealousy stems from our insecurity of ourselves. They are all real things that we observe with our own eyes but we make the situation worse with our minds.
The fact that your partner is looking at someone else doesn’t mean that they are acting on it and there’s no cause for alarm. But that's the way you play it out in your head. You know you that you personally go out and look at other people the same way they are looking at the person when you get jealous.
Admit it! You do it.
Now, think about the feeling you attach when you look. It’s a present moment thought – it’s not something you are going to act on. It’s something you think about for a minute or two, or maybe a day, and then move on from it. It’s not a constant concern or desire in your head. And it’s not an attack on your attractiveness or value as a person to your partner. You have to look at that way and realize that you are the one walking beside them; not the person they snuck a glance at.
As far as our neighbors and coworkers go – who cares! Why waste our time giving energy to what they do or have? Why not put that energy towards getting what we want to do or have?
Don’t you think that YOU are more important to give your concern and energy to?
It’s all about your ego being bruised and you thinking that either they think they are better than you or that others are somehow comparing you to them.
And even if they are - again...who cares.
What they think doesn't have an effect on your life. It doesn't make you shorter, taller, richer, poorer - it just makes you someone who people have opinions about.
It boils down to - Are you happy with what you have and where you are? If you are then who cares about them.
If you are not, then get up and change your life instead of sitting their watching others get what they want and being jealous of it.
Pretend Jealousy - The Stuff We Make Up.
Things that haven’t even happened but you make up in your head or things that you thought you saw or heard but you’re not really sure.
First of all we are blessed with an imagination, and it’s normally a good thing, but when it comes to ridiculous stuff that makes us unhappy it can quickly run out of control.
If you are in a good relationship, then why would you make up a story in your head about your partner cheating on you, or about someone getting something better than you and flaunting it in your face, or some other thing that is pretty much guaranteed not to happen yet you think about as if it is and then force yourself to deal with the emotions attached to it.
I’ve woken up from dreams that I’ve had about my husband cheating on me and acting like a jerk about it, and I’ve been upset for hours over it. I couldn’t imagine consciously playing that scenario in my head and wasting my time being upset over it because I was just imagining it. It’s a ridiculous thought right? But we do it all the time.
The other situation, where we think we hear or see something, is another waste of emotions and thoughts. Comedies are based around this theory of miscommunication and mishaps but it’s not really that funny in real life. If you think that you hear something or see something that makes you jealous but you are not really sure if it happened or is true – ASK.
Open up the communication lines and get talking and 99% of the time it will turn out to be nothing and clear up the misunderstanding while making you feel better.
Jealousy For Real! No Such Thing...
Yes it's a real feeling but there's no real reasons to be jealous. I'm sure there are many people who would disagree, and I guess it's a matter of perspective.
If you've been cheated on, and you stay in the relationship and then become 'jealous' when you see your partner staring at other people - that, again, becomes your insecurity with yourself. You're playing the game of "He/She cheating on me before and now he/she is probably going to do it again because that other person is more attractive than me." - or whatever the reason you have going on in your head happens to be at that time.
You may need to work on your self confidence and overcome jealousy by realizing there is no one worthy of your jealousy.
Or if you can't get over the feeling, you may need to leave the relationship. Staying in a relationship full of insecurities and questions is not only bad for your mental health it's bad for you physical health.
Like I've said many times - no one, that doesn't treat your right, is worth your happiness and health.
Some Jealousy Quotes
Envy is a waste of time. ~Author Unknown
It is not love that is blind, but jealousy. ~Lawrence Durrell, Justine, 1957
Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope. ~Josh Billings
Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. ~Maya Angelou
Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies. ~Elizabeth Bowen
Envy is thin because it bites but never eats. ~Spanish Proverb
Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James