Journey of Becoming My Own Friend
Journey of becoming of my own friend
As an introvert, I’ve always found it extremely difficult to make new friends, let alone form the deep friendships that many people crave. I’ve always looked for the friendship, where I can trust the person and who can trust me enough to share things with each other, which we wouldn’t share with just anyone. The person with whom I am so comfortable with that I’m not exhausted after going out for shopping or talking on the phone.
"Having friend who is your confidant,
is like having key to your locked heart"
Fortunately, I have got some really good friends whom I can trust and share anything with, without getting judged. But, moving few times and growing responsibilities, adds distance which results in losing touch with your friends. Talking on birthdays becomes the extent of friendship.
So, here I am, sitting in the city where I have lived in for 3 years, and I haven’t found my person here, yet.
It doesn’t help when you are an introvert and have social anxiety. But regardless of that, I have tried to put myself out there and make friends. Ultimately, I end up feeling overly pressurized. So, I gave up and started spending time doing what I like. Before I know, I was craving for it.
I realized that I do like being alone. I like having my space. I like being alone with my thoughts, my daydreams, my books and a piece of paper in front of me waiting to be filled with words.
"Being alone for a while is dangerous.
It's addicting once you see, how peaceful it is.
you don't want to deal with people anymore"
- Tom Hardy
Many of us are content with our own company. We are never truly alone because we are always exploring our own thoughts. Some of us are always creating new worlds in our heads. So, being physically alone isn’t that big of a deal, because in the meantime, you become your friend.
Friendship is an intensely intimate relationship. Disagreement and fights are inevitable. But, withstanding conflict is actually what brings two people close. Surviving adversity is what creates unbreakable strong bonds.
Your relationship with you is no different. There are days when I wake up, and I’m annoyed with myself. But again, just like a friend, I know my love for myself is never ending and this strong foundation is what keeps me strong through the most grueling days.
I encourage you to take out sometime from your hectic schedule and get to know yourself. Don’t be afraid to confront the bad thoughts. Not all thoughts should be believed. And, you might even be surprised to find they’re not as bad as you have feared.
It is very important to have a loving and nurturing friendship with yourself. According to Mildred Newman & Bernard Berkowitz, “We can learn to be our own best friend. If we do, we have a friend for life. We can buoy ourselves up, give ourselves comfort and sustenance the times when there is no one else.”
When we read or hear quotes somewhere, it lingers with us for a while. But, it fades with time. However, there are few quotes which stuck with me and made me realize that why it is important to have friendship with yourself. I want to share it with you as well. So, here it is:
#1. Nobody will ever make you happy. Nothing will ever make you complete. NEVER. EVER
Every guru and spiritual master and even our own experiences have pointed this great but life-shattering truth. And, it is not because they don’t love you or care for you. But with growing responsibilities, time for others decreases. However, nobody will ever make you happy the way you do.
#2. Don't expect anything from anybody. Neither family nor friends.
This line hit me very hard. I started to see things in this perspective instantly. I started to understand people and their situations more. I started to feel how expectations put a lot of pressure on our loved ones. So, practicing this helped me to become a happier person and made me to come closer to myself.
#3. Love unconditionally, but rely only on yourself - Marty Rubin
Everybody says, when you love someone unconditionally, it comes back to you. I totally agree that we should love wholeheartedly but we should never expect to get it in return. We should never rely on that belief that it is going to come back. Just rely on yourself and you will see that it is changing you internally.
Everybody has their own idea of friendship and love. They react and do things according to that. That is why it is difficult for someone to make you happy and complete. But, with nobody’s fault, you end feeling lonely and blue.
Becoming your own friend takes a lot of persistence and effort. But, when you achieve that, your life gradually becomes happier and whole. No matter how hard or how amazing or how confusing life get, you will never be truly alone if you harvest a loving relationship with yourself. No matter what sh*t life inexplicably throws at you, you can always rely on your own support to carry you through the dark times. There is freedom in knowing that you will always have yourself.
The best thing about becoming your own friend is that it’s a gift you will have for life, a gift that no one can ever take away from you, EVER.
© 2020 Vedika Pawan