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Keep your MAN happy - 3 simple RULES all women need to know

Updated on April 1, 2012

WOMEN!!!...don't get mad at me for saying what I am about to say. If you don't like what you are reading, then there is a pretty good chance that you really do not want to know what a man wants. I am going to tell you this right up-front. What you are about to read may make you mad.....BUT I am going to give you some insight into how men think and feel. You have been warned!

So, what do men really want? Seems to be a pretty easy question to answer...yet after a few jokes which seem to always include something about beer, football and sex, the uncomfortable silence tells us that MOST women don't really know..and that, my friends, is a problem for all of us!!!

When I decided to write about this topic, I took a poll of about 35 of my female friends and online acquaintances, in which I asked them to rank the Top 5 things that men want. My guinea pigs included women that were married, single, dating and in "casual" relationships. Here are some of the more common answers I received.

  • Ego Stroking
  • Be allowed to watch/play TV/Sports
  • Time out with the guys
  • Unexpected/surprise affection/kissing etc.
  • Surprised! (??really?)
  • For their women to dress sexy
  • Sex
  • "Oral pleasures"
  • For the woman to be more adventurous in bed
  • Romantic dinner/trip/movie

So this list seems pretty decent right? I can even agree with some of the things on this list. They are all nice/fun/cool things. BUT what DRIVES men? Really, you think that surprises are our hearts desire? Or Sports? This really identified how completely and totally ignorant most women are of what really drives men. How is it that men get the bad wrap for not understanding women, who tend to not understand themselves from one moment to the next...Holy Flipping are as hard to understand as golden retrievers and yet MOST women manage to completely miss it.

I am a firm believer that there are only three rules that a woman need to understand if she wants to keep a man happy. This does not guarantee that your relationships will be perfect or that they will last forever, but they will go a VERY long way to improving your relationships with men....and when a man is happy, he wants to make his woman happy..... and I think you will agree that is a good thing!

1. Your man needs to know that you NEED and WANT HIM!

Listen, men are animals, we are territorial, aggressive and driven by our hormones. The VAST majority of what we men do in their lives is, in one way or another, predicated on attracting and retaining mates. The greatest high a man gets is when he feels that he has attracted the attention of a woman and that SHE considers HIM to be worthy of being her mate. I know I am speaking in biological terms, but much of who and what we are is determined instinct and hormones.

Men want to feel that we are the mate that you have selected. We want to feel that you have considered other men but SELECTED us to be with because we are the strongest, fastest, smartest, coolest, funniest and all around best possible male there is. Do you act in a way that makes your man feel like that? Even a strong woman needs to make her man feel like a man, so show him that you need him. Little things like asking for him to help you with something because you need his strength, ask his advice on something other than your hair or cloths. Tell him you are proud of him for something he has done, tell him how sexy he is, how much you want him, how attracted you are to him, how he makes your knees weak, how you think about him when you are away from him, how he makes you feel when you are together in bed. These are all things that are so easy to do and yet which MOST women do not do.

2. Men are problem solvers.

If you complain about something, we are going to try to fix it. Unless you give us warning first, save the "I just want you to listen" crap for your female friends. It is completely illogical to complain about something to us and then get mad at us when we start trying to solve the problem. Men do not speak "crazy" very well so save it for the girls. I am not saying that you can not talk to your man, but try to stick to the point OR disclose ahead of time that you are just trying to work something through in your head...we get that.

The flip side of this is that we try to solve ALL problems and will fail some of the time, we are big, dumb animals after all. Ego is a very important thing to a man and the last thing he needs when he has failed at something is the woman, his mate, his princess, to remind him he has failed. Almost as bad as nagging or "I told you so" is being overly sympathetic, that makes us feel like we are weak. When you man fails at something, recognize the failure, but don't dwell on it and just move on and don't treat us like children (though we are sometimes) don't transparently try to prop us up with something else we have done right...that is patronizing...just move on with life.

3. You need to love yourself if you want him to love you.

There are few things that are as un-sexy as someone with no self confidence. I do not mean you need to think that you are the hottest thing on earth, but have some sense of self-worth. If you think you are too fat, start working out and eating better. If you think you are not good in bed, read up on it, try new things, talk to your girlfriends about techniques. If you think your man is always looking at other women, make sure you are giving him something to look at, take care of yourself more, dress up more etc.

A lack of confidence and self-worth is like a self fulfilling prophecy, if you think like that, it affects your behavior and in turn will affect how others see you. There really is not anything that is more of a drag than dating a woman who never feels like she is good enough for you. Respect is the foundation of love and it is not possible to love someone that you do not respect and who does not respect themselves. So do things that make you happy, make a goal to get in shape for example and just do it. Don't talk about it, whine about it, plan it etc, just do it, and do it without talking to your man about it all the time. You will be blown away with the attention you start getting when you start paying more attention to yourself for no other reason than because you want to better yourself.


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    • Jennifer Mugrage profile image

      Jennifer Mugrage 

      2 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      Nice Hub. Simple, clear, respectful tone.

      I think your #1 rule was also the #1 item on your survey of female friends ... they called it "Ego stroking." So they weren't totally out to lunch. Just described it differently than you would.

      I agree that it's very important that we praise our man and let him know we think he's the best ... but it is NOT easy to do, it can be very hard, because we have to swallow our pride and admit that we need something from him, can't handle it on our own, and that makes us vulnerable. Also, we are constantly told by the culture that we need to be "strong women" who don't really need a man at all, that admitting we need advice or help with something (from a MAN) is some kind of moral failure.

      Many people find it easier to criticize than to praise others, mistakenly thinking that this will help other people improve, rather than just discouraging and alienating them.

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Nice and I love my hubby and my hubby is my world

    • TheSituation profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago

      Thanks Nadia! No, it is not wrong to like someone who is in control. That is a natural attraction to strength. Sometimes guys need the support too.

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Thanks for that saying it like it is, i also wanted to find out if its n bad thing if i desire a man that is in control is it a bad thing because sometimes i don't feel incontrol with some things that i want my man to be there to tel me enuff so that i don't lose control because im weak in that regard i need him to be there and in control

    • TheSituation profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      Thanks a ton malfunkshun! I am glad you like it! Let us know how your experiment goes!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      nice to have just three rules instead of the usual million to remember :) I especially like point one. Because of all this talk of JD syndrome lately we girls have got it into our heads that the more we big a man up the more he will take us for granted. I'm off to conduct a little experiment. Will let you know how I get on.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      thank you for sharing with us...... God Bless... Keep them coming in.... very useful and beautiful...

    • KateWest profile image


      7 years ago from Los Angeles, CA


    • jorja kick profile image

      jorja kick 

      7 years ago from southeast georgia

      I love it... and you are so right...

      write a book..a hub isn't going to be enough merely an appetizer!!


    • Neil Sperling profile image

      Neil Sperling 

      7 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

      3 simple truths - on the ego stroking part - hey show us we are appreciated. Great Job

      Great hub

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      These three steps have gone a long way and actually works its nice to get viewpoints from a man perspective instead of your girlfriens all of the time thanks a lot

    • profile image

      honey's girl 

      8 years ago

      not a bad idea..i luk forward 2 ur next hubs..keep it up dear..bless u..

    • TheSituation profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Thank you for the kind words! I was bored ona flight and whipped that out. I think I need to edit it a bit...:)

    • profile image

      honey's girl 

      8 years ago

      nice hub the siuation..very well written.

    • EmpressFelicity profile image


      8 years ago from Kent, England, UK

      Very down-to-earth, readable and common sense advice, with a nice touch of humour.

    • Madison22 profile image


      8 years ago from NYC

      Very nice, a great read. Thank you for sharing!

    • TheSituation profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Hello Beth and RedElf. Thank you both for the kind words and the warm welcome! I am glad if my words can be of any use! I am finding that I really like writing and hope to keep developing as I go!

    • RedElf profile image


      8 years ago from Canada

      Well done - I like your style! You are off to a great start with your first two hubs!

    • Beth100 profile image


      8 years ago from Canada

      Great advice and tips -- now that I understand men a little better, I'll have to give it a try and see if the pieces fit a little better. Thanks.

    • OregonWino profile image


      8 years ago

      Hey there buddy! I am glad that you decided to sign up! This was a fantastic first hub! Best of luck!!

    • BL Tween profile image

      BL Tween 

      8 years ago

      Nice Hub, WELCOME to Hub pages!

    • TheSituation profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Wow Shadesbreath! Thank you so much for the kind words. I have not tried writing before for anything other than school and was worried that people would not find it useful etc. Thank you so much for the critique and encouragment!

    • Shadesbreath profile image


      8 years ago from California

      Good hub, good insights, and I can't argue with your tips. Especially number 2 and 3. If a woman is complaining about an issue or problem, we can't help but jump in with a possible angle for solving the issue, trying to diagnose where it's stemming and etc. I try not to where it's obvious the person is just venting, but, like you said, we're problem solvers. In an issue that seems to us solveable, if our natural cognitive patterns are not welcome, we don't have a whole lot left to offer except what feels like platitudes. Might not sound like platitude to her if we deliver them right for the purpose of comforting, but doesn't make for fun or fulfilling conversation sometimes if you have to leave a problem in place that you feel like you could make go away or at least become less of a problem.

      And there's nothing less attractive than a woman who thinks she is not attractive. You said it perfectly; there is very little or nothing I could add to make it any more clear than you did.

      Welcome to hubpages. You're going to do well for sure.

    • TheSituation profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Thank you KCC!! I was not sure if anyone would even read this, but I have been going through a series of realtionships with women who think we are it was fresh on my mind!!!

    • KCC Big Country profile image


      8 years ago from Central Texas

      What an excellent first hub! You're off to a fantastic start at HubPages! I look forward to your next hub.

      You gave some excellent advice here!


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