Why should you keep your Ex out of your life? Reasons for not to be friends with Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Why not to talk about your Ex or be in touch with him/her?
Is your love for Ex Boyfriend affecting your present and future? Despite of knowing that men dislike talks or comparisons to Ex Boyfriend, many women keep doing the mistake. One of the major reasons for relationship failure is past emotional baggage. Let what happened in the past, be in the past. Acknowledge it and let it go. To fall in love again, getting rid of the emotional baggage of the past relationship is very important. It is quite natural for a woman to make mental comparisons of an ex with present boyfriend. But the problem arises when you keep bragging about how your ex is perfect or put down your current boyfriend with the comparisons.
Talking of an Ex positively can hurt the male ego. When a woman keeps talking about Ex, Men find it a sign of her still not over her ex. It is in fact a sign that you still have not moved on. Talking too much about an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend is a sign of insecurity. It also means that you may be on the rebound. To heal from a break up, it is important to accept that that the relationship is over and let it go. If you don't do it, the only person who will be miserable will be you.
Personally, I have done this mistake too. When I ended up blindsided after my love at first sight romance, I was so affected that I jumped into a rebound relationship only to break up later. I kept comparing every man who came into my life with my perfect ex and none matched up. Either the men got annoyed with my bragging about Ex or I rejected them outright. Those who still tried to win me never got any closer to me than a friend. Then I accidentally met my Ex and found the real reason for his breaking up with me and why he cannot take me back. But I also realized that I do not love him anymore and even if he wants me back, I do not want him back. But I was missing the good friend in him and suggested that we be friends. He accepted and we started meeting again for coffees and movies. Nothing about him had changed. He still looked at me the same way and cared for me the same way. But I had changed. I did not see him as my romantic interest anymore. Being with me was making it difficult for my Ex for moving on from the relationship. Even the Guy I was seeing at that moment was uncomfortable with the idea of me seeing my Ex though I never had any physical relationship with my Ex. And finally, we decided that being friends was not practical anymore and parted ways.
Why being friends with an Ex is a bad idea?
There can be many problems if you remain friends with your Ex. For instance, there is a chance that you may be tempted to go back to the relationship despite of having unresolved issues. As long as you are in touch with him/her, it is difficult to move on from the past relationship. Secondly, your current love interest may not be comfortable with the idea of you seeing your ex, especially if you have been intimate. He or she could feel jealous and it could affect your relationship. Your being close to the ex can make your partner insecure about the relationship and doubt that you may end up being intimate with the ex again.
Most of the time when men and women get into relationships, then talk badly about the ex and put all blame of the break up on him/her even if it is not that way. However, the way a man/woman may talk about an Ex is also an indication how he/she would treat you if you end up as an ex. Bad mouthing and disrespectful way of talking about someone is not a good sign.
If your ex is dating someone, that person also may view you as a negative person in your ex’s life. If you're still friends with your ex, it may affect the chances of the ex also in finding a new and lasting relationship. And moreover, how can an Ex who have known so many intimate things about you, be 'just a friend'?
As you can see there is more harm than good in being friends with an Ex if you want to move on with your life. So let the exes be confined to the past only.
Why should you not go back to an Ex?
I have known people who are desperate to get back to their Ex despite of being in toxic relationships. Personally, I don’t think it is wise to go back to an Ex if the couples in the relationship do not wipe out their differences and are willing to work together to make the relationship better. Reconciliation with Ex under desperation often ends up with more hurt than earlier. As the saying goes, ‘Once broken, it can never be the same again’. And more over there is a reason why you broke up and as far as there are unresolved issues there is no hope of the relationship working out. Especially when the relationship break up is based on trust issues, the chances are that it may end up in hurt again. Life is too short to waste on living in the hope that some miracle would happen and things would be the same as when you started the relationship. It is better to cut loses and move on with your life. Who knows, maybe you have a better life in store.
However, to move on with life it is important that you dispose of all relationship clutter from your life. Everything that reminds you of your ex has to be cleared to make yourself ready to welcome a new partner to your life. Remember that by taking an Ex back you would be blocking your chances of attracting better someone who would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. So think again before you decide of rekindling an old flame.
What do you think? Feel free to share your opinions through comments.
© 2012 Anamika S Jain