ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Keeping Your Marriage Alive When You Have Kids

Updated on June 12, 2010

I was recently talking to a friend who is considering marriage. Among the many pieces of advice that I offered I told them that the feelings they have now will not always be there especially when you throw a couple kids into the mix. Those of us who have children understand the joy that they bring and how they can drain all our time and energy leaving nothing for our spouse. Here I want to give some tips on how to keep the relationship with your spouse alive even among the chaos of raising children.

1. I had blue eyes first

When you have children, especially when you have multiple children, you can easily forget your spouse. You may be spending time together, but it is spent chasing, correcting, yelling, shuttling, and doing all the various activities of raising kids. Rather than the peaceful walks in the park together, you are now stressing out together. When this happens we must remember that our spouse was there first and that they will be there after the kids are gone. Obviously this does not apply in every family, but I am saying that our spouse should take first priority. While this does not mean that our children are not important, it does mean that the one we fell in love with should still be the one who gets our attention.

2. Let's get together

I remember on the movie Parent Trap a scene where the twins were trying to get their parents back together by singing a song with the lyrics 'let's get together yea, yea, yea...'. I wonder if that could be our kids singing. So often we are pulled apart when we used to be so close. In order to keep you marriage alive you need a commitment to get together, just the two of you.

3. A walk in the park

One of the things my wife and I love to do is walk on Portland's waterfront park. It is beautiful and it is our space. No kids. No distractions. Just us. When was the last time you and your spouse had that time? Maybe it's time to take that walk with no agenda but just talking. You will be refreshed and amazed at what you were missing in the chaos of life.

4. How 'bout a date?

Guys, when was the last time you asked your wife out on a date? Remember those butterflies you got when you were trying to ask her out for the first time? Maybe you need those butterflies again. Getting a babysitter and going on a date will help you get reconnected. It doesn't have to be expensive or fancy, but it does need to happen. Put in your schedule like everything else if you need to, but make sure it gets done. You will be glad you did.

5. We need to talk

When you are dealing with the issues of life you rarely get to have deep conversations or quiet talks. One thing we like to do is put the kids down to bed, turn down the lights, put on some soft music and talk. We get a chance to talk about some issues that need dealt with, and we get an opportunity to learn more about each other. When I am chasing the kids, dealing with school and other things I don't tend to open up with my wife. During our times alone I open up and share what is on my heart. It draws us closer.

There was a time when all that mattered was the one you had fallen in love with. Now, maybe other things have gotten in the way. I encourage you to fall in love all over again. Spend time together and share the joy of marriage once again. Some day you may have the joy of sitting on a porch together in your golden years and the time you invested in each other now will pay off as you share laughs and pleasant conversations.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Ruchi Urvashi profile image

      Ruchi Urvashi 5 years ago from Singapore

      The ideas are brilliant. I enjoy reading your article.

    • Michael Davis profile image
      Author

      Michael Davis 6 years ago

      Melissa-Good ideas. Thanks

    • profile image

      Melissa 6 years ago

      take the time to just be alone. Spend some quality time togethre. Say"I LOVE YOU". show it.Go for a walk , watch a movie, cuddle, kiss and rekindle the flame.

    • Michael Davis profile image
      Author

      Michael Davis 8 years ago

      Thanks and you are right. It helps to be reminded from time to time to pay attention to our spouse. It is easy to forget in the chaos of life.

    • dawnM profile image

      Dawn Michael 8 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

      good advice, still hard though, even when all said and done!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)