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- Relationship Problems & Advice
Not As Strange as you might believe
It is not as rare as it may have
been when the "Roman Spring
of Mrs. Stone" was first written.
We are all familiar with that
aging Actress who finds a man
years her junior.
But there are other cases in which the man is almost the unwilling 'victim'.
In many 3rd world nations there is a measurable segment of the male
population, whether called 'beach boys', 'RentaDreads', or 'Toyboys', who live off of women, usually foreign women.
You don't have to search long to find one.
In the story "It Just Keeps Getting Better" I fictionalised a situation between a chauffeur and a person of Executive rank.
I fictionalised a true story, one of many true stories which is very common with
Multi-national Corporations as well as Embassies.
A woman from elsewhere finds herself in the presence of a younger man who
she finds attractive. Because she has more money than he will ever see in his
lifetime, because she has power, she can virtually 'buy' him.
Although one might wish to dismiss this as him 'using her', as in the Standard
'RentaDread' situation, in others, this is a man who is seduced by a lifestyle
he has only dreamed of and gets caught in a web and can not, or will not,
Rate of Exchange
In most 3rd World Countries, the salary locals make in a week is often equivalent to the cost of a lunch for an ex-pat.
With the rate of exchange often being so many times lower, the 'middle income' local who takes home $12,000 in his currency may actually earn $120 in the equivalent Dollars.
Even low ex-pat staff members are taking home something like $2,000.00 a week in Dollars.
This means that ex-pat is earning $200,000.00 at his rate exchange. This puts her into a class far above all he knows.
What is a standard middle class existence in a 1st world country is often is upper upper class in his.
In short, to his eyes, she is a multi-millionaire in a palace.
At the outset, he may not be physically attracted to the woman.
He may not even notice her.
She, however, will notice him.
She can bestow her largess if she choses.
She can expose him to 'the finer things'.
She is fully aware that without her he would never be able to enter certain places, enjoy certain things. And she knows he is overwhelmed.
What She Gets
When a woman isn't pretty or
desirable and finds herself in
a country where she is suddenly
sought after because of money,
power, or what she may represent,
it is hard not to succumb to that allure.
It is hard not to take advantage of the moment that she is no longer the nothing, but suddenly the Everything.
Men have always done it.
It is not shocking to see a man in his 70s marrying some voluptuous female in
her 30s or younger.
He knows he has bought her as if he'd gone into a slave market, and she has
There is no ambiguity.
Women now appreciate that they also have that purchasing power.
And many have a different set of reasons.
Wearing the Pants
When a woman takes a lover
from a lower class who is
totally dependent on her for
his new status, she has
absolute control. She decides.
Those who don't 'get' the fact
that he's in it for the status not
because he loves her will only be hurt.
The 50 year old woman with that 30 year old man should not fool herself into
thinking he loves her.
He loves her money, her position, her power. And as long as she knows this,
as long as she comprehends that she is no more to him than a meal ticket,
a stepping stone, she will be able to maintain her equilibrium.
Some men try to fool themselves into believing they love their 'owner' or want what she desires, because it is the only way they can manage their egos.
For The Man
The man who finds himself in this position, (as opposed to the man who pursued it) often become obnoxious to those old friends who see what he wants to hide. It is evident that he is a 'kept man'. It is nothing to be proud of.
Those far from his circle, who don't know anything about him might be treated
a little better. They don't know him and might think he is 'someone' in his own right.
As soon as his actual situation is realised he responds with a defensiveness, because he really wishes he wasn't in this position.
He has traded whatever sense of dignity he had, for money.
Further, in these cases, she decides, he obeys.
Over time he doesn't try to find a better job, to make plans, he does what she
tells him because she holds the strings.
In early days, if he wanted to run, well, he gets the clothes on his back and loses
whatever chance he might have to gain status or enjoy the life she offers.
Unlike the younger woman who marries the old man for his money and can easily
rationalise it, he can't.
How it Ends
Sometimes the Woman reaches the stage that she's gotten what she wanted. It might be his last name, his child, his nationality, (for it is easier to run a business when one is a citizen of that country than an ex-pat) it might be simply a companion for the time she is in the country.
RentaDreads know who and what they are, and their 'geese' know it too, these
kept men do not feed themselves palliative.
In these situations no one gets hurt and no one is really used.
In rare situations one or both of the parties tries to read something into it; whether she wants to believe he loves her, whether he pretends he wants to marry her. The relationship ends when she realises she's adopted him, or he finds someone 'better' and can trade up.
Sometimes he is unfaithful and she tosses him out. Sometimes she finds someone handsomer or more charming or even younger and he is replaced.
It is always sad when one meets these people and they try to explain that 'it wasn't like that', when it really was that.
The Most Tragic Cases
One does not feel sorry for the Renta or his Goose. After all, they know where they are and what they are, and even if they fooled themselves for a little while, they must come to some level of reality.
The sad cases are those of the hard working man who, because of lack of opportunity or education is stuck in a dead end job, and in comes a woman who virtually 'buys' him.
She knows that he will be dazzeled, she knows he will impregnate her and she will have attractive or exotic children, and that without her, he can not survive.
Yes, he can leave the condo and get a job driving a taxi and live in a flop house and eat the cheapest on sale at the supermarket. Or he can 'Yes, Dear,' as they fly to Paris.
People who knew him, and reespected him, before, are cut out of his life. It hurts too much to see how they see him.
How he sees himself.