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Keys to Detecting Lies & Liars

Updated on December 16, 2011

There is no such thing as a 'good' lie. There is no such thing as a 'white' lie. There is no such thing as an 'acceptable' lie. A lie is a lie is a lie. If it is not the truth it is a lie.

If you have to cover up a lie with another lie then you are a liar. If your conscience tells you you did not speak the truth then you are in trouble already, because you now are on shaky ground. You now have to spend time covering up the lie, that seemed so reasonable at first. What a waste of time and energy, not to say guilt ridden.

That's like the phrase, "what you don't know won't kill you". Tell that to the victim that dies from aids or the female that is told by her doctor that she has some genital disease, after her husband cheats on her.

I don't care how someone justifies lying, a lie is a lie and if a person trusts you - they want to know the truth, even if it hurts, especially if they feel you have their back. If they ever discover you lied to them, even to make them feel better -they will never trust you completely after that.

If a woman doesn't look her best but she needs reassurance, critique her with love and give pointers on how she can improve. If she ignores you, then let it go. Don't ever assume that a white lie is encouraging.

I say this because if someone else makes a remark that is insulting when you could have saved your companion embarrassment, they will not thank you for it. Another reason is you have to continually support whatever lie you told by other lies, what a tangled weave.

Why not just tell the truth in the first place - in love, of course, and move on from there. If you feel you cannot be honest with a person, it is better to keep your mouth shut. Especially, if the person knows you. They will be able to tell what you are thinking by just looking at you.

You do not have to be tactless or hurtful when telling the truth but neither do you have to rely on lies to have a good relationship with someone.

It is always easier to tell if someone is lying if you know them well, but there are always ways to detect whether or not an acquaintance is telling a fib as well. But you have to be a person that is observant. Someone who pays attention to details and how people behave.

It is popular nowadays to see stories on TV dealing with detecting lies and body language. We are fascinated with how human beings behave.

Omission is also a form of lying. If you don't tell the complete truth when directly asked a question you can consider that as lying.

Avoidance is cowardice and is a glaring admission of guilt. Liars will try everything in their power to spend as little time with the person they have lied to, because they are either ashamed or there is more to the story than they have revealed.

Tell tale signs

  • Fidgeting
  • Voice change
  • Deflection
  • Defensiveness
  • Quick temper
  • Quick pulse
  • Rush of color, especially the face

What to look for

  1. Body language
  • Avoiding eye contact
  • jittery mannerisms
  • tense facial expressions
  • flared nostrils
  • shrinking body
  1. Voice changes
  • high pitched
  • break
  • sarcastic tone
  1. Behavior
  • overtly defensive
  • unreasonable
  • delayed answers to questions
  • spouting accusations
  • getting loud and aggressive
  • avoidance
  • violence

If any or most of these things happen in combination - pay close attention, you may have a liar on your hands.

Reasons people give for lies

  • fear or being afraid
  • to keep the peace
  • protection
  • guilt
  • embarrassment
  • meanness

Most of them are for self preservation, greed and selfishness. Lying has nothing to do with loving someone because it takes too much effort to keep it up. It is a relationship killer.

Tell the truth and be done with it.


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    • Celiegirl profile image

      Celiegirl 5 years ago

      Thanks ericdunbar, and you are right, lies are traced back to fear, in all it's forms.

    • ericdunbar profile image

      Eric Dunbar 5 years ago from New Orleans

      Marevlously said, a lie, is a lie, is a lie! I believe fear is what causes most people to lie, so to overcome lying, one must overcome their fears.

      Great Hub. I voted up!

    • Celiegirl profile image

      Celiegirl 5 years ago

      Thanks chelseacharleston, i agree, we, i mean females specifically allow too much crap to swirl, personally, i will not allow it in my life,& yes, i do pass the teaching on to others with every chance. Truth is people only do what they get away with & correction is necessary...

    • chelseacharleston profile image

      chelseacharleston 5 years ago

      Preach on, preach on. Seems like these jokers need their wigs split to get it right and girls need to call them out loud, clear, and on the regular!!

    • Celiegirl profile image

      Celiegirl 5 years ago

      Capric222 - it is difficult to deal with certain situations where lying protects someone's life the example with the Nazi's is one of those, an example about saving babies comes to mind from the bible as i write this, but if you are lying for selfish reasons, we will never agree.

      Protection is a different story but i still think you have to be certain.

    • Capric222 profile image

      Capric222 6 years ago

      I used to believe that it was NEVER okay to lie, and as you put it..."a lie is a lie is a lie." However, after I did some research for my hub on lying "When is it okay to lie" I discovered that it wasn't as clear as I thought it once was. It is true that a lie is always a lie no matter what, but what about the situation? Wouldn't it be fair to say that lying to save another person's life might be a "good" lie? Check out my hub...I have an example in there about the Nazis.