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Keys to Success in Your Relationship
What makes it Work vs. What doesn't...Truth is...
After interviewing, counseling, and observing many relationship situations I find it neccesary to address the matter yet again, but in more explicit detail; come along...
As a reminder, the things discussed within are from the viewpoint of GOD's word the bible and for those who seek to do things his way and according to his morals, not man's. It has become the common thing to ignore GOD's way of thinking and conducting things according to man's point of view; which is why so many relationships are failing...Think about it, GOD created the man/woman union, would HE not be the best one to consult about making it work?
I would like to discuss the things that effect a relationship most profoundly today: Financial issues, moral issues, child-rearing, and the role of men and women.
Finances have become the biggest sticking point in more than a few relationships. Given the push to have more and more possessions, to impress others, and to display one's affluence; money issues have become a Pandora's box for most relationships. Many if not most women choose their mates according to their income and ability to provide not just the basic needs; but luxuries and accesories. Many women equate a man's earning ability to his worthiness of heading the family. The trend now has become that the less a man contributes financially, the less respect he is given in the home.This is also passed on to the children in the home and poisons the process of child-rearing(more on that later).
God's instruction(s) is exact and to the point, clear-cut without any variance(s). There are no codicils or amendments to his word. God's created the woman to be in subjection to the man in no uncertain terms and whether you choose to accept this or not, it remains what HE approves of; anything else is in contempt of his will.Remember, this is for those who WANT to please GOD; but knowing that fewer and fewer people respect the fact that GOD promotes MARRIAGE and opt for living together, the principle remains in tact. Given that, you're off to a start contrary to GOD's will that needs to be addressed, why compound the problem by adding defiance to the mix? read Ephesians 5:22-24; the reverence for a man's headship is compared to that of reverence for Jesus; that is how GOD would have things and there is no except, maybe. or what if found on the matter in scripture.Truth is...
When GOD handed down these words there were very few affluent men, or even men of great means; not a lot of well-to-do guys...this wasn't even in the equation; men provided as they were able and sustenance, a roof/home, food and clothing were sufficient. This is because the concentration was not on what one has, but on pleasing GOD and receiving his approval for the sake of continued blessing. What has happened is that Television, once known as "The Devil's Eyeball", has become the guide for most; particularly in th so-called "free world". The display of one's means is blatant and perverse; even the clergy of today are participants in the display of opulent homes, cars, and clothing. Celebrity homes and way of living has become the template for the greater majority. People just HAVE to have the designer label, the pretty car, the well-appointed home, and the makers/sellers of these things are more than willing to make them available to you...for a price.
One would be wise to consider just what that "price" is, especially with respect to your relationship with GOD.
It has become a common practice for women to criticize a man's earning ability, or lack thereof; there's also the same problem when it comes to his appearance physically and how he dresses.He has to have muscles, dress chic, have perfect teeth, drive a nice car, be tall; these have become the standard and are even promoted in many churches. But where is his standing before GOD in any of those things? Then when a woman fails to find or KEEP a man who has all these things, she sometimes does what many derisively call "settles" for something else only to complain persistently. Another option women have chosen is to remain single; but they also still crave the intimacy and touch of a man and then engage in premarital sex according to their desire. What this does is further separate you from GOD's will, and when you tell yourself:"GOD knows me, HE understands my situation, and/or HE'll forgive me"; you actually are trying GOD's patience and making a mockery of Christ's sacrifice for the sins we inherit. That sacrifice was not meant for the sins we deliberately commit in defiance to GOD's will and arrangement(s).(Hebrews 10:26).
It is a fact that when it comes to employment that women have far more opportunity than men these days. This tends to be problematic because the tendency is to use that as a perceive "equalizer" to the headship of the household. Headship is not a matter of who earns more or even all of the money; it is a matter of what GOD has instituted; and no where in the bible does it say that IF a woman is the primary earner that she is exempt from GOD's arrangement. This is also prevalent where the woman has been alone a good amount of time a did relatively well for herself. There is a "I was fine before you came" or "I can do bad by myself" attitude that prevails; but remember, if you were doing so great, why did you keep asking GOD for a mate?
It is also common for women to become deeply concern about their outward appearance. They need their hair and nails done, they need the finer clothes; and if the man cannot provide these luxuries(that;'s what they are), and perpetuate them, he is deemed unacceptable. But read 1Peter 3:3-5 where it starts out with"...Do not let your adornment merely be outward -arranging the hair, wearing of gold or putting on fine apparel...rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle a quiet spirit, which is very precious in the eyes of GOD..."
So here it is in GOD's word telling you NOT to focus so much on the very things that many women go all out for today. Then his word addresses the matter of having a "quiet" spirit, not loud, not forceful, not demeaning or demanding. Many women try to combat this by calling themselves "strong women"; what they are in truth are strong -willed which is NOT a good thing in GOD's sight, or not "precious". WHY is it so important to do things according to GOD's will and to concentrate on being "precious' in his eyes? Well. HE IS the creator of all things and the one who can bless and perpetuate your relationship, guard it, guide it, protect it, and also give you the reward of salvation...Truth is...
There is also the matter of women with non-believing mates. Those of you whop do try to follow Jesus are more than aware of the scripture 1Peter 3:1 where it admonishes you to maintain YOUR Christian walk and behavior as this may save your mate as in drawing to the Lord. Whether you accept it or not men DO think about the way they treat you. Sadly many don't care to change; but GOD's instruction to YOU is to maintain and TRUST him to deal with it. Read verse 5 of 1 Peter 3: "for in this manner, in former times, the Holy women who Trusted in God also adorned themselves being submissive to their husbands...". This takes away the argument that "These are different times", does GOD change? Do we not serve the same GOD who was the God of Israel? He didn't have a new bible written did HE? So if you have a problem adhering to GOD's instruction on how to conduct yourself in relationship then you have a problem of TRUSTING GOD! That would be a much bigger problem and one you should address with diligence. Instead of praying for that new car, house, vacation money, etc look at Matthew 7:7-11 as a way of getting help to please GOD by asking how to TRUST him better and not to ask for material things. then you will be better aligned with Matthew 6:25-33; that is "seeking first God's kingdom" and the part that gets far too little attention that says"...and his righteousness...". Do you trust GOD?
I am aware that many who read Truth Is...are not believers, but they still read to glean helpful information. To this I say, why not actually apply all of what is taught and reap the full benefit of GOD's presence, guidance, and protections?!!! Unfortunately most who claim to be believers need to hear that too...Truth Is...
Then there is the matter of child-rearing; next to money, this is the number one reason there are so many single mothers out there. It is no secret that a greater majority of men make babies they don't intend to be there for; but what about the many that WOULD be there, given better circumstances. There are far more than what is widely recognized. So what is the problem?
The problem is that the generations that came along after the 60's firmly adhere to the "I'm not going to raise my children the way that I was raised" principle. Then they don't! It is the mothers more so than the fathers and this has grown way out of control. They refuse to punish their children, and I'm not talking solely about spanking either. Too many women want to be their daughters friend, dote on their sons, and cater to their children's tantrums and wants. They HAVE to be loved by their children, they HAVE to give their children what everybody else's child has, They Have to cater to their children's wants, they HAVE to put their children first... You are NOT helping your child this way, but rather hampering them. What does that child do when confronted by the fact that society will not do these same things or think the same way about them and you are'nt there to hold their hand? This results in more and more sociopaths being released in to society that ever before.
Children today are taken to church but not taught WHY they should serve, obey and trust GOD; instead they are taught if you go to church and accept Jesus God will give you things;' a blatant lie which once they see it doesn't happen that way, they reject GOD's principles. This is also reflective of not taking time to teach them at home too. Does not the bible say at proverbs 22:6 to :"train up the heart of a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.."? Israelites were told to teach the word to their children from birth onward. Today's Christian wants to receive the promised blessings of Israel, but don't want to do the things Israel was commanded to do as part of that blessing.
Today, parents aren't teaching their children basic things of life much less those things of the Lord. Mothers dont teach their daughters about hygiene, how to carry themselves like 'ladies', or even proper behavior. Many fathers don't take time with their sons and teach them the same things. Often Mothers don't allow men to discipline their sons, or daughters in any way. Children are not taught to respect their elders, authority, or other people. Due to soured relationships, many mothers get a "Us against the world" attitude that they impress upon their children, further hampering their social skills and ability to interact with others.
The church doesn't teach YOU how to apply bible principles to everyday life, so stop depending on Sunday school to teach your children! The church has become a 'dues-paying' club and place to be entertained by choirs and performing preachers; that tell you to simply profess Jesus and pay tithes and you'll be "saved". This isn't GOD's will or way so it is up to YOU as parents, to LEARN the real truths in the bible and pass them along to your children. This is how you instill principles, morals, and true wisdom in your children. Stop looking for tel;evsion, Sunday school, schools an so on to teach your child; that's YOUR job. If your child wakes up listening to hip hop music and videos and that's what they do throughout the day, YOU are failing as a parent. That applies to video games too. Do you give your children chores? If your child sits around the house all day while the house is in disarray, laundry piled up, dishes pile up, clothes etc strewn about; YOU are failing as a parent.
Then if you are a single mother and a man comes into your life and sees this once the thrill of unbridled sex wears off, he is going to start planning an exit-strategy. many women allow their children to disrespect the new men in their lives, another reason men don't stick to or even seek to date single mothers. Do you yell at the man or talk negatively about him within the hearing of your children? When he tries to discuss your child behavior, do you get loud and defend the child to him and thus forge a divide between him and the child? This makes him the "enemy" in the child's mind and they will act accordingly. Do you know that if a man discusses your child's behavior with you he is actually pointing out things that a man SHOULD address in a family and he brings it up because he is contemplating a lasting relationship with you and your children; he is not the enemy, he is not "out to get" your child doesn't hate them, and actually sees what you won't allow yourself to see in or about your child. Mothers tend to be oblivious to their children's misbehavior and extremely defensive when it is called to light. This helps no one, especially the child.You are retarding their social growth, Truth Is...Keep ALL discussions about your children between you and your mate private; be it their natural parent or otherwise. Be aware also that children eavesdrop...
Proverbs 23:13,14 tells you not to withhold discipline from your children, Ephesians 6: 4 tells you to teach them. Ephesians 6:1-3 tells you that they should Be taught to honor their parents and that includes their parent's mate if they are not their natural parent. Television teaches to be like this celebrity or that one, to buy this or that product, and to lust after this or that; but it doesn't teach children to respect their elders, others and authority; it doesn't teach them to respect GOD's principles and follow his instruction(s) or to trust him. It also doesn't teach them about hope and salvation, which is why they see no point in acting accordingly. The media is one of the Devil's greatest weapons. Hip hop music no longer hides the droning repetitive chants and driving beats that basically in-trance and hypnotize children's minds, their message clear: rebel, "wild-out" or lose control, get sex, get money at all costs! Too many parents want to show they are 'hip" so they listen to the same garbage and really don't listen to the words and message they hold.
You are responsible to raise, and teach your child how to survive AND interact with society and you can't do that being their 'friend" and showing how 'cool' you are. Stop being afraid they'll be angry with you; didn't you get angry with your parents? But they helped you survive to get to the point you are now. STOP ignoring the fact that your child has grown older, they are NOT "your baby" anymore after a certain age. They are your CHILD. STOP picking up after, cleaning for, and catering to children over the age of 10 who should be helping YOU in some way, shape or form around the household.They WANT to get/be treated as if they are older, tesch them that that involves responsibility, and GIVE THEM SOME RESPONSIBILITIES that they MUST handle on a daily basis.
Are you active in your child's education? Too many parents come to the "rescue" of their child when problems arise at school; more often than not those 'problems' stem from the child's lack of respect for authority, unwillingness to comply, and their KNOWING that you'l come running to their defense without trying to decipher what their role is in the situation. I have heard with my own ears, children say that they do what they want to do because they KNOW their mother won't do anything about it. STOP being afraid to punish your child, and when you threaten to punish them, DO IT!!!! Further, when you punish them don't turn around moments later to coddle them or undo the punishment. When you and the child's father are not together but he has an active role in their life, when he installs a punishment, DO NOT undo it when he leaves. Children need a united front from their parents, stop trying to be the "good guy". When your child doesn't do their chores, DO NOT reward them, deny them the things they want and explain to them they are being denied because they are not in compliance with their duties and the rules. SET RULES!!!!
I have directed the majority of these things toward women as I have repeatedly said it is the woman who is the MVP or most valuable person in the relationship; she is the one who holds things together, and her ever shifting moods dictate the atmosphere within the household and relationship. Men, you are to cherish the woman, or as 1 peter 3:7 says:" dwell with them in understanding, giving honor to the wife/mate as to the weaker vessel..." This means not that she is weaker than you physically or emotionally, but he was referring to as if they were a delicate piece of art such as an expensive vase or jewel; a man puts such things on a pedestal and adores it and wants others to do the same; he protects it and cherishes it. So too you must do the same when it pertains to your woman. 1 Peter 3:7 says that failing to do this may result in your prayers being hindered. THAT is how seriously GOD takes the way that you treat your woman. When there is an argument, even if she was in the wrong, it is you that must be the one to put your pride aside and seek to resolve the issue; make certain that she knows thaty even though you are upset you still love her and are dedicated to her and her happiness, as well as the union between the two of you. STOP trying to Lord over the woman with a domineering cave-man attitude; she is your partner, not your possession. Remember this in your actions and decisions and she will be more willing to submit than if you try to impress upon her that she HAS to!!!
Finally, I will close this segment(you know there will be more on this, right?), I want to impress upon you all that you must recognize and appreciate that if you have someone who will tolerate YOU, it's worth some tolerance on your part too. Keeping that thought foremost will open the door to growth and solidarity in your relationship...Truth Is...
Until the next time I encourage you all to persevere in prayer and supplication to the Lord and apply what HE reveals to you...Be-Blessed...