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Killing your first date with indecisiveness

Updated on April 1, 2013

You’ve worn a path in your living room carpet pacing back and forth, anxiously awaiting his phone call since the day you met him and gave him your number. Suddenly, your cell phone rings and the screen flashes his name. You try not to let him know you’re jumping up and down with excitement as you exchange pleasantries and small talk. Then he suggests going out for dinner and a movie Friday night, and your smile grows so large that your cheeks are on the verge of exploding. You pretend to check your calendar (even though you know darn well you’re free) and say Friday would probably work. He replies with, “Great! Where do you want to eat, and what would you like to see?”

Suddenly your perfect world has gone south as you frantically think of what to say. You don’t really know him; you’ve only talked to him for a total of 2 hours, 17 minutes, and 42 seconds. How are you supposed to know how to answer his question? What if you suggest a sushi bar, and he’s allergic to seafood? What if you say Mexican, but he’s a tortilla-phobic? And after you figure out dinner you still have to tell him what movie you want to see?! Then you’re hit with an epiphany. “I’m up for anything,” you answer cheerfully. “Why don’t you decide?” And the next day your best friend tells you how saying that made you look weak and indecisive and he’ll never ask you out again because of it.

What’s a woman to do? It’s a tough situation, and one that we’ve all been in at least three times. Some of us really don’t care what we eat and what we see, but does saying so make us appear fickle? Then again, you don’t want to play the game of, “Oh, I already saw that movie and it sucked,” with a guy, either. So if you’re one of those girls who cringe at the thought of handing out ideas, yet you don’t want him to think you’re indecisive, here’s my suggestion for a first date: be decisive while going middle of the road.

For dinner choices, ask what his favorite cuisine is, and go from there. It shows that you care about his opinion, while not outright saying you don’t know how to answer the question. It is also a good tactic to open the door for getting to know him better. Of course, you’re always safe to stick to a neutral cuisine. Just try to remember what kind of atmosphere you’re looking for on that first date. Different cuisines offer different atmospheres, and you’re going to want to pick an atmosphere that both of you can remain comfortable in, while being able to have nice, casual get-to-know-you conversation.

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As for the movie, do not, I repeat, DO NOT choose a chick flick. I don’t care how long you’ve been waiting to see the latest Kate Hudson / Katherine Heigl / the-whole-world’s-in-love-type movie. He does not want to see that movie. He may say he wants to, but he’s lying, pure and simple. What he’d probably rather see is the latest The Rock / Sylvester Stallone / the-whole-world’s-packing-type flick. Now, if you’re the kind of girl who honestly likes these movies, then you’d be well within limits to suggest that. But don’t insult his intelligence (and diminish yours) by saying how much you liked Arnold Van Damme in the whole Rambo series on television.

Comedies for a movie are always a good, safe choice. It gets both of you laughing, and laughter can be very relaxing and a good icebreaker. Or, if you’re up for it, go ahead and pick the proverbial horror. Every guy likes to be a hero, and if that means his date holding on to him a little tighter in a crowded theatre for some “protection” from the ax-wielding maniac onscreen, then he comes out smelling sweet…and there’s nothing wrong with giving a guy a little ego boost.

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    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 

      5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I've been out of the dating scene for many years but I can see your point. Interesting hub.

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