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Kindle Romance or Rekindle Burned Out Passion with These Firestarters

Updated on August 19, 2014

Date Night

We make date nights (and days!) top priority.
We make date nights (and days!) top priority. | Source

Remember the old commercial jingle "How's your love life?" Well, how IS yours? Does it sizzle? Or has it fizzled? Want to kindle romance, spark passion or rekindle burned out passion? From 27 years wedded bliss, we recommend these fire-starters.

Go on impromptu dates. I know, easier said than done--especially with kids. So maybe have the older child watch siblings and go somewhere close to home. Or have what we call "in-house dates." After little ones are in bed, pop in a movie and settle older ones with snacks. Then mom and dad enjoy a quiet dinner outside on the patio.

Sleep together. I know, duh. But you'd be surprised how often I hear couples say they sleep separately. Or they sleep in the same bed, but don't get to bed at the same time. Or they don't seize the snuggle moments! He stays up watching TV. She's on the computer. Take it from a couple that can't sleep together because we're on different schedules--enjoy what you have! Don't let stupid things come between you.

Set intimacy ground rules. Intimacy is challenging with kids. Or maybe mother-in-law lives with you. Sick of coitus interruptus? Make others respect your personal space. Close doors. Tell older kids not to bother unless someone is bleeding. Obviously, you won't have long. But even a few minutes helps. Working opposite shifts, we'll sometimes nap together during the day. Everyone gets the message without us saying anything. Enjoy alone time when kids are napping.

Carpe diem. Schedule and prioritize time together. Don't let anything but life-or-death emergencies get in the way.

Hang out together. Visit. Take walks. Watch TV and discuss what you watch. Do yard work, housework, errands as a couple. So you might get less done? You make up for it in bonding.

Be exclusive. Friends are cool, but not if you spend more time with them than with your partner. I've seen couples on dates, both on their phones, talking (even flirting) with others, ignoring each other. Really? There's a recipe for break-up. This is your best friend. Better start taking it seriously. Committed relationships have no room nor need for an extended social network.

Unplug. While we're on the subject of phones, just shut them off already. Aside from kid emergencies, turn texting off when you're together. Incessantly texting others when you're with someone is kind of rude. Whatever it is will most likely wait. Your relationship won't. Give each other your undivided attention.

Take advantage of opportunities. Husband asks you out for breakfast, but you're too busy? Wife invites you to take a walk, but you don't feel like it? Few things are as important as a little spontaneous romance. Don't let the fire go out for lack of tending.

Write love notes. Cut out pink hearts and write little messages on them. Sprinkle with glitter. Put them in his lunch. Put an "I Love You" yard sign on your front lawn. Leave notes in her car. Schmaltzy? Maybe. Romantic? Absolutely!

Take selfies. So you look a little silly. My husband and I are in our fifties, don't even have a selfie cam. And we're always snapping together photos. Yes, they are a little crooked and funny. But we want to preserve the happy memories. And taking selfies is super-romantic!

Use these firestarters to ignite your romance, today!

My husband's birthday love note

A happy birthday banner from my husband--very romantic.
A happy birthday banner from my husband--very romantic. | Source

Tips to rekindle romance

relationship glue recipes, rekindle romance, spark passion, spark romance, put romance back in marriage, romance firestarters

Romance Kindling

What's your favorite romance firestarter?

See results

Firestarter Tip: Hold Hands

We hold hands all the time.
We hold hands all the time. | Source

Blogs with more tips

Takeaways to note

Carpe Diem!

For better or worse, but never for granted!

Treasure each other!

Traditional Wedding Anniversary Gift Suggestions with Modern Twists

Anniversary Year
Traditional Gifts
Modern Twists
carved bed headboard
7th (notorious year for trouble)
yard ornament, bell
12th (who says it has to be in multiples of 10?)
new bed sheets 750 count red
beach getaway
24th (because I loved this one especially)
musical instruments
his and hers guitars, accordion, bodhran drum and Celtic flute!

Why Long Term Marriages Fail and How to Prevent That

AARP says that long-term marriages fail, not so much because of infidelity (the most commonly thought reason), but because of:


lack of communication

too little time spent together

lack of attention to problems

What that says is, it's an accumulation of little things, not one big issue that destroys relationships. And that says most marriages are salvageable, IF, couples are willing to apply a little elbow grease to keeping marriage healthy.

Happy Marriage Quiz

According to the APA, there's a nine-point checklist couples need to follow to stay happy, nine firestarters if you will. Take this quiz to track how you're tending your relationships.

  1. Do you maintain healthy balance (not too close or dependent) with extended family?
  2. Do you have shared interests plus some individual ones?
  3. Do you enjoy intimacy?
  4. Do you protect those intimacy boundaries we spoke of earlier, even with your kids?
  5. Do you talk out problems?
  6. Do you laugh together?
  7. Do you support and encourage each other?
  8. Do you face crises together?
  9. Do you do those romantic little things (yes, even the schmaltzy ones) to keep the passion alive?

Pat yourself on the back for the yes answers. Work on the no ones.



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